my little puzzle

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi, my puzzle is difficult child :)

    i have been running busy with-difficult child and everything else since holiday. by the way black friday shopping was great! I'll do that every year.

    I wasn't going to post about my difficult child bc i know that it does become frustrating for you guys as well, so many suggestions yet zero works, than alternating feelings about my approach. Yet honestly i gotta go somewhere with it.

    we're still fighting to get therapy in place for me a place to vent.

    difficult child is back to square one sad to say, zyprexa didnt' work at all. seroquel isnt' working either. so she's being tapered off both right now.

    she cant' sleep at nite is up till 3 and 4 a.m. is only drinking solids. so, we had to sit back and say ok now what, where do we draw the line on this and hospitalize again.

    the only viable option we have is oregon. yet even them i'm not convinced will work. so, we have them on the back burner for after holidays.

    difficult child was to begin with a new therapist today (which she needs badly) yet she didnt' go to bed until 4 so she couldnt' wake up. I've heard amazing things about her, she does cbt. she'll start on monday with-her. i gave bio on a phone session today. she thinks she may be able to help her.

    we are headed to hospital in a bit to have a blood draw, weight etc. taken. I need to know specifically where difficult child's at health wise to gauge the amt of time we have till next hospitalization. guessing at this point doesnt' work for me.

    so when blood comes back i should have a much better understanding. the peanut butter shes' been licking is getting her thru now bigtime i think.

    refeeding therapist is going to fight insurance company on allowing more visits for difficult child. 2x a week is a joke. this problem is now too huge for that. if we dont' nip this in the butt soon she'll be on liquid for life i strongly beleive. which i have come to learn can be done with-working with a nutrionist. yet she should know the pleasure of eating and chewing and tasting food.

    meeting with nutriionist today also to see if we can come up with something that this kid will drink that will have some protein and fiber benefits.

    so, round and round we go. husband and i both feel that we'll wind up in oregon. yet we both agree let's give this woman a shot and get the blood to truly gauge how healthy or not she is. yet now our schedules' hectic. tutor's are in this week. they started yesterday. difficult child did awesome with-her. some normalcy was good. she got 100 for the session and did all her hw last night.

    yet ea day is filled with doctor's or tutors. and yes difficult child is now depressed and very mad at the situation.

    sorry sooo long. so oregon's checking availability for after xmas, if we gotta go there also. We had to both sit there and say ok why are we waiting on oregon? Our or my answer was simple, if i fly there and it doesnt' work and i also feel there's a strong chance it wont difficult child will be beyond hopeless. and deeply depressed. the doctor's there although good does not have one pysch doctor on board, so that's why i felt like i gotta totally exhaust here before i go there. i just know she's feeling hopeless. so i gotta give this the time it deserves.

    i also got new pyschdoc number, current guy bites. he's my old one i knew he did yet i was desperate for one. and we also called a holistic doctor in california that is here once a mos. my therapist friend said he's amazing.

    just wanted to share, get it out :)
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  2. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    "so oregon's checking availability for after xmas, if we gotta go there also. We had to both sit there and say ok why are we waiting on oregon? Our or my answer was simple, if i fly there and it doesnt' work and i also feel there's a strong chance it wont difficult child will be beyond hopeless. and deeply depressed. the doctor's there although good does not have one pysch doctor on board, so that's why i felt like i gotta totally exhaust here before i go there. i just know she's feeling hopeless. so i gotta give this the time it deserves."

    I would try not to build up Oregon as the last hope, just so you avoid that hopeless feeling if it doesn't help. If you think Oregon is the best place to treat her and something you haven't tried, try it so that you can rule it out and move on in other directions, if you need to. There must be other ways to help her, even if you don't know what they are yet.

    I have a similar "last hope" treatment in mind for my daughter. I think my daughter already feels mostly hopeless, but I consider it my job to try to keep her hope alive, so I would never let her think this is her last chance.

    Anyway, I spoke to a therapist about this today and her advice for me was to not think of this as the last hope but as the next step. I do know of other things to try if we have to go down that path. I'm sure you can find other ways to help your daughter, too, even if you go to Oregon and it doesn't work out.
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This is meant gently...not as a criticism.

    I think you need to stop and catch your breath. I feel like you have so many things going on at once, so many balls in the air - its impossible for anyone to keep up with so many troubles at once! And I read your other thread about your big dog acting beserk lately - and no wonder! typical teen sounds like your whole household has been topsy-turvy. Crazy hours. Nobody is eating, sleeping or doing anything on a "regular" schedule. Everyone is crabby, tired, worried, stressed - you've got new people (and new dogs) coming and going. How could anyone, human or canine, be calm and relaxed through all that?

    I think you need to take some time every day and take your dogs for a walk.


    Not to train them. Not to take them "potty". Not to go on an errand. Just to walk. It's therapeutic. Not just for them, but for you.

    I have two dogs also. To walk them together becomes stressful - so I just take them around the block one at a time. They really like it and they come back to the house happy and relaxed.

    But more than that - I find that I come back to the house happy and relaxed, too.

    It's good exercise, but it's not's not's just walking. And walking allows you to clear your head and take that "breather" that we all need from our troubles.

    Go for a walk! No excuses! If it's cold, put on a coat! If you have 'no time' - make it a short walk. Even ten or fifteen minutes can do wonders!


    Take care of your family and yourself.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A new therapist - so wait and see. Take a few minutes to just sit, and tell yourself to wait. She's getting some nourishment, although it's not satisfactory for you at the moment. difficult child is getting by. Don't pin your hopes on another hospital, especially when you are currently in such strong control mode, that you know you will find it difficult to hand control over to someone else who you will worry will be doing it all wrong. I've read books written by people with eating disorders (for example) who describe what they went through in various places that specialise in treating such problems. I know if my child were going through such treatment andI were in your shoes, I would be screaming at them. But the reason I am reading these books, is because their authors are still on this earth and want to share their experience so we can all learn from it. In other words - they not only survived, they came through it.
    Thew treatments at these centres are for the most extreme cases and it looks barbaric. Your daughter looks too much like a classic anorexic to the casual observer, that is how she would be treated almost certainly.

    So stick with what is getting you through for now, and see how the new therapist goes.

    As for the peanut butter - have you tried making your own, fresh? Also other nut butters made fresh, such as cashew butter - delicious! Of course, if you make it yourself there are always the occasional piece of nut that didn't quite get chopped up enough; it could reintroduce her to texture. Cashews are a softer nut, so pieces may be easier for her to manage.

    Meanwhile, take time for yourself as others have suggested. difficult child needs to see you taking care of yourself.

  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Thanks for the thoughts. Hope I do hope you also find the answers your searching for. it isnt' easy yet everything passes in time. Daisy it's ok, I dont' agree with-you but it's ok. Our dog's always been that way since day one. new puppies awesome and difficult child loves it. Old dog runs away all the time has been since day one. so no new adjusting there, it's just par for the course with that idiot lol. husband goes to work ON TIME lol, as does easy child, only ppl hurting is me actually and difficult child yet she functions super well on no sleep. the one plus to bipolar. husband is add so he's great on minimal rest too, he wakes tired yet once you put some food in him he's off and running. I do wish he'd cut back yet right now it's not an option we need the money and the store isnt' doing that well.

    Marg - yes I do agree with-you. yet we do have to set a time frame which we have for the most part. her weight's up to 110 now believe it or not. peanut butter has alot of fat and protein's in it. Met with-doctor's today and they said if you can add in one or two small things along with-the peanut butter and also reducing it than it isnt' playing with-fire to wait till after holidays if no improvement to go to oregon. So, we figured out difficult child will eat chicken soup the broth of it. got her some today home made on way to 2nd doctor's appointment. she drank it.

    we went to refeeding therapist whose super nice yet i jumped in today iv'e controlled my mouth up till now and worked with her with difficult child gave difficult child explanations to her throat etc. that the woman wasnt' helping difficult child with which is fine that's more the roll of the therapist. I told difficult child the width of your actual neck is indicative of the length of your throat that your putting food down. told her the muscles in your throat get tight when your anxiety rises, when you calm they relax. ever hear lump in your throat remark and explained that. so we did a few small exercises there and long and behold the kid ate an entire half of a banana and 20 cheerios. it was just the right setting with-the refeeding therapist there to explain to her. at home she'd just ignore me. so we'll see what tmrw brings she's famous for beinga roller coaster.

    also the holistic doctor from california called me back today because in 3 days we'll have zero medications in her. he's coming up with-a plan, calling a friend he has here in new york another peds holistic to meet with me on what supplements to use as opposed to medications that we've tried them all. also a few for me, i'm pretty good with it yet need more due to the stress right now.

    taking care of me, hmm if i get a moment to go online drink a cup of green tea alone, read part of my book or meditate that's taking care of me. she sees it. our schedules' too hectic right now for serious breaks for me. tutors are in all week 5 of them and we have 5 doctor's each week to make. i'm eating well, sleeping when i can and the walks well we'll c. right now there isnt' the time and when there is late at night i'm too exhausted to do it lol.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Jena. do you make your own chicken stock? It's cheaper and often tastier. I often add a slice of fresh ginger root to stimulate appetite or break a fever (I call it Chinese penicillin!).

    I either make my stock from the carcass of a roast bird (turkey tock right now?) or I buy scraps from the butcher, or a bag of chicken necks. I also add a whole onion or carrot to the stock. Discard them afterwards. The stock can be frozen for later use in a lot of recipes.

    Home-made often gives enough variety in the taste to hopefully top her getting into sameness taste habits.

  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    def. also better and more nutrients. i'll make chicken soup tmrw she'll eat broth kids will eat soup. i think the talk i had with her at therapist will help also. she's a highly intelligent kid along with-all her other junk so she gets it when you explain things to her. she's just gotta win out against the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which i think is largely the problem here.
  8. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    110 at 5'3" (I think that's how tall you said your daughter is) is a good weight. My 19 year old is the same height and weighs 113; she keeps herself over 110 so she can donate blood. I know that your issue is keeping the weight on, getting appropriate nutrients and getting her to eat solids so my daughter's weight can't really be compared to yours, but at least your daughter is gaining and keeping weight on. Maybe she'll start to like the healthier feeling of having a little bit of weight and be able to eat.

    Who knows, maybe the yummy holiday food will pique her appetite.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you never know...... :) she's 5'4" yet it's the same. her actual weight healthy weight according to chart should be up to 120. yet at 110 which was problem about 108 it was mid afternoon its' still great. weight isnt' an issue anymore. that stopped being the issue roughly two weeks ago. the seroquel swells her up like a balloon.

    we'll c. she needs therapy desperately i do my best with her each night yet she needs someone who isnt' so emeshed in her and her emotions. she tends to be like a roller coaster, one day can be great the next hellish always that way across the board with-her.

    that's great your daughter donates blood.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Jena, honey, I have to agree with DF. It's time to sort this stuff out. It's time to take all the attention off difficult child & work on you. Believe me, difficult child will be there - she's not going anywhere. You, on the other hand, will be no good to anyone, including difficult child, until/unless you stop, breathe & pay attention to your needs to an extent.

    You don't know me well, but I'm here to tell you that putting all aside is a huge risk to your health. Ask some of the other's who've been here & have known me from day one. I've put the tweedles ahead of all else & I'm no longer in the position of being able to advocate or even parent them as I should be. I have many regrets in not listening to the folks here, my doctors concerns over the levels of stress & the toll it was taking physically.

    difficult child isn't going anywhere no matter what you choose to do - be it a daily walk, a couple of hours on the phone or taking time to indulge in your favorite hobby.

    Please take this in the caring manner it's given.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks and i did. i'm trying truly shes' just a really hard kid. it's beyond posts that i can even begin to explain the multitude of mental illness she has, seriously though. so today husband and i went to natural food store and got something called CALM it's supposed to be great for bipolar kids and sleep. husband and i are hanging on yet we are struggling a bit. because she's flipping out till 4 a.m. shes' a rough rough kid. i have all the doctor's in place and have my mri set up to go. been to doctor for blood work. i am taking my vitamins and i sleep from 4 a.m. till 10 a.m. if i have to to fit in my sleep and have scheduled the tutor's around that.

    i'm really trying to make the time for me, yet as you know with 5 kids it just isnt' easy.

    i dooo appreciate it.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    What's in that stuff? I'd do a lot of double-checking her current medications against the ingredients for contraindications.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    its magnesium. all natural. supposed to be great for kids with bipolar.
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Interesting. And it doesn't block the current medications like some things do? Ran across this while looking for more info, because if it CAN be used in conjunction with present medications, I may well add in a magnesium supplement to kiddo's. Which luckily I have on hand since I started taking them for other reasons.