MY Meltdown

[AngelaMia aka Merris]

I think I've finally cracked. I just threw difficult child out of my apartment and told him to go be with his "friends". I am going through the MOST painful experience of my entire life, and it feels like no body gives a hoot. Even my own kid won't take the time to talk to me, doesn't care that I just stare at the wall. All he wants is a ride. I told him to get out.

He comes over here (I pick him up this morning), plays on the computer, chats online and then asks me to take him to the mall and then pick him up again. I said no. I'm just too tired of NO ONE caring about MY feelings. I am SOOOOO sick of taking care of everybody else and then getting "pooped" on.

I am losing it. I have no support, I have no one to help me and I am F-ING miserable.

 

[Ephchap]

"Angela",

First of all, gentle hugs. We care about you. We're all wrapping our arms around you cyberly.

Have you been to your therapist? Has talking with him/her helped? Have they put you on any medications?

If you're feeling really down, you need to call someone ... your therapist, a friend, neighbor, relative, or if you're feeling really down ... a crisis hotline.

Seriously, you've been through so much trauma, it's no wonder you're feeling down, but you can't let it get the best of you. You need to take better care of you. You are your first priority.

Please call someone if you feel the need. We can only help so much online.

Mega hugs,
Deb

 

[meowbunny]

Frankly, I think it's past time for you to have had this temper tantrum. Your son did some horrible things to you. Your semi-exDH has been a jerk. You have every right to be angry. Your son should be on his knees begging for forgiveness, not ignoring you while he uses your computer or asking for rides. So, this is one person who is cheering you on!

I wish you had someone near you who you could call that would tell you how terrific, strong and brave you are. Who would hold you as you cried your heart out over all the hurt and pain of the past year. The best any of us here can do is let you know we care and are here for you.

Many hugs, a cyber shoulder for your pain and arms wrapping around you to let you know just how special you are.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

It's very easy to sit here at the computer and tell you what to do. If you're on medications and under a Dr.'s care, then it might be wise to call and discuss if there are any other options. It's impossible to be all things to all people without something "giving".

You've been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. This is your time to be healed.

Gentle hugs and cyber support.

 

[susiestar]

Gentle hugs and support. I know it wasn't easy, or fun.

You and therapist or psychiatrist can discuss what you need to do. I am just sending empathy and support.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[lovemysons]

Thinking of you and hoping you start feeling better soon.

With love and care,
Tammy

 

[KFld]

You deserve to have a meltdown now and then. He isn't doing anything to make you feel any better. Sometimes you will actually feel better after letting it all out. Don't keep things inside. Yell, scream, whatever it takes.

And don't forget, you always have us :smile:

 

[AngelaMia aka Merris]

I talked to difficult child last night. He told me that anytime I need to "talk" I should call him. He doesn't know that a lot of my problem is HIM and since he's on such a slippery slope right now, I don't know if I should tell him.

He's got 9 years over his head, and he's already been in the presence of people smoking pot. I really feel done. I really feel like I am used up and I can't take anymore. I look at him and I wonder if I really even care anymore. I love my son, but this person is SO selfish, SO immature, SO self-interested that I cannot even fathom where he came from.

I got a letter from husband's lawyer last night accusing me of stealing his expense checks and using them to buy things for me and my son. I called husband and left him a voicemail crying, asking him how he could possibly accuse me of that. There were NEVER late bills, I paid them all on time and I struggled to do so. His spending was out of control and he is now blaming it on me. I am giving up. Let him leave the country and marry his next victim (wife #3 is lined up and ready to go!). I will heal.

I sent a letter to my lawyer and told her just to settle for what he wants. I can't do this anymore and though I know these things are not true, I am tired of defending myself when I know it will all end up the same. If I fight, it will end up costing me more legal fees. If I don't fight, I will spend the rest of my life feeling like he walked on me AGAIN.

I still have not heard from my step-daughter's mother. I guess I have lost contact there as well.

Sigh. I am SO tired.

Thanks for joining my pity party. :smile:

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Don't even know what to say. Just hugs.

 

[meowbunny]

Aw, hon, I'm so sorry. Let your attorney fight for you. His attorney shouldn't be writing you directly, anyway. Everything should be going through your attorney. Neither you nor your semi-ex should be in direct contact with each other. If you get anything else from his attorney, simply tell him to contact your attorney, not you. That's why you hired her.

As to your son, maybe it is time to tell him how you feel -- at least some of it. I understand you can't dump everything on him but at least try to talk about last year's incident. It might be good for both of you.

HUGS!!!!

 

[KFld]

All I can send is giant (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))).

I hope that helps your hurting heart.

 

[rejectedmom]

Merris I am so sorry you are feeling so low. Please take care of yourself. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

-RM