Need help, advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kscummins, Dec 18, 2012.

  1. kscummins

    kscummins New Member

    Having alot of trouble with my 12 yr old son. He is ADHD and on medication. Which I think it has to be changed or upped. The teachers at school are having a lot of problems with him misbehaving , defiant , talking back and having a lot of anger issues plus not doing his work. We have to go to a meeting( 2nd time)with his teachers and discuss all these problems which I don't know what to say or do. I ground him from everything and make him go to bed early. He just don't care. So what am I supposed to do? I thought about sending him to a place that helps kids so maybe he can get straighten out. We can't afford much and do not qualify for state or federal help. Looking for suggestions
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome.

    I'm short on time... so forgive me if this sounds abupt, not trying to be...

    Anger problems in a teen/tween male? High chance of depression. It comes out as anger, rather than "down".

    Where does the depression come from? Either it's classical depression, OR... it's secondary, related to not having real needs met over a long period of time. Not because you're doing anything wrong - but because of missing dxes, OR because school isn't handling his current dxes correctly.

    ADHD is an unusual diagnosis. It is REAL - don't get me wrong. (I have it...) But, it rarely stands alone (although it can, my K2 is that way). Usually, a kid with ADHD has other things going on, too:
    1) half of all kids with ADHD have Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) (developmental coordination disorder, a motor skills issue)
    2) many kids with ADHD have LDs - dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalcula, and others
    3) something like 70% of kids with "ADHD plus a Learning Disability (LD)"... have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - auditory processing disorder.
    And that's just the ones I know off the top of my head.

    ADHD is also unusual in that it can be given as a diagnosis when the real diagnosis is something else. Other things DO "look like" ADHD. There's an article just posted on the news section about confusion between ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). There can be confusion between ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) (it's possible to have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) and not have ADHD...) And many kids who start out with an ADHD diagnosis are actually Aspie/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), or bi-polar, or other things.

    In the mean time, yes, being 12 does complicate things. Puberty does wonders to medication effectiveness, as does the massive growth spurts that go with it (been there done that).

    So... it could be any of the above.

    Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation?
    Who gave the ADHD diagnosis?
    What was he like as a baby, and as a toddler?
    Any dxes that run in the family?
    Is he adopted?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    When you meet with them, take along 2 copies of a letter written to the director of special education services requesting an evaluation for special education services. Request that they "do thorough academic, emotional, behavioral, speech-language, and occupational therapy evaluations". My guess is he's struggling with some aspect of academics that even he may not realize he has (been there done that) and then is being punished for not being ABLE to do it and not knowing why. At that age, it is VERY easy for adults to see it as opposition, defiance, whatever. Typical teen behavior when it very well may be something else. Even if he's had no issues before, as the work becomes harder and requires higher order thinking and comprehension, lacking skills become apparent. Since the kid doesn't even know he's lacking the skills, being told he's "bad" or "wrong" or "naughty" will only make him think he's stupid which will only make things worse. Anyhow, that's just my humble opinion after going through similar situations and learning the hard way.

    Please read the book The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene. By using his methods of "inquisition", I learned a LOT about my difficult child 1 which led me to seek thorough outside evaluations only to find that all of us adults were WAY off base.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How did the meeting go? I ditto the other posts. Have him evaluated and serviced through the schools. It is his right as a child with a disability.