Down and Desperate
New Member
I am new to posting to a forum of any kind but my husband and I are desperate for help and feel isolated when dealing with our 16 yr old difficult child daughter. She has disliked school since kindergarten. She is in 10th grade and doesn't care about grades or school. Just recently she was approved for an IEP. (She has had a 504 since 5th grade). Now that the IEP is in place she is refusing accomodations and therefore receives zeros when she won't cooperate. At school she tends to ignore requests from teachers to listen, cooperate, etc. She is defiant and has no problem telling her teachers she isn't going to do something. She won't study, if she does her homework she doesn't turn it in, she says everything is too hard, and blames everyone else for her poor grades. She is currently failing two classes and is borderline on another. She doesn't seem to care. Last summer I enrolled her in summer school to make up the credits she needed from classes she failed during 9th grade. (she failed one of three summer classes)
She is also very defiant at home. Her mood is mostly sullen or angry. She lies about almost everything - even the minor things that don't impact her. She has a boyfriend and her entire focus is on him. (he has ADHD and Mood Disorder and I think some sort of Conduct Disorder) While reading her cell phone texts we discovered that she and boyfriend were trying to get pregnant. She has very few GFs and was bullied in grade school by girls she thought were her friends. She doesn't belong to any groups, doesn't want to do any sports, doesn't want to study but wants unlimited priviledges. She blows up if she is told no. We restrict her activities, limit her computer and cell phone use as consequences for her behavior. None of this has changed her attitude. We have not allowed her to get her drivers license because of her poor grades. We have always been honest about the requirements to get her license - at least a C in each class. She thinks we are mean and tells us so. She talks about how she can't wait to be 18 so she doesn't have to take her medications or follow the rules. She sees her Dr. every 4 -6 wks and the therapist almost weekly. It seems like we never make any progress. She also has low self-esteem and doesn't care about her appearance too much. She has terrible hygiene (doesn't like using toilet paper, doesn't like to use soap) I have to tell her to take a shower, wash her hair, and brush her teeth. Current medications: Lamictl 100mg in evening and 50 mg XR in morning, Abilify 10mg, Wellbutrin 75mg, Vyvanse 50mg, and birth control.
My husband and I feel so isolated. Friends and family can't relate and don't understand. Most just say "make her" and think it will change things. I am so tired of the disapproving looks from teachers, family, and friends. I will be the first to admit that I am not the perfect parent and have made my share of parenting mistakes. My husband and I feel like we are being held hostage by difficult child at times.
Her diagnosis is: ADHD, ODD, Depression, Executive Function Deficit, and mood disorder. She was in psychiatric hospital for ten days during the summer after physically attacking me. The police were called and now she has a record of domestic violence. She has walked out (minor run away?) two times for at least an hour each time.
Any ideas??? Thoughts??? Sorry to go on and on, but I need to get out my frustrations.
me: 53, sad and depressed
husband: 50, sad and frustrated
easy child: 30, married and has own issues
Support: my faithful pets
She is also very defiant at home. Her mood is mostly sullen or angry. She lies about almost everything - even the minor things that don't impact her. She has a boyfriend and her entire focus is on him. (he has ADHD and Mood Disorder and I think some sort of Conduct Disorder) While reading her cell phone texts we discovered that she and boyfriend were trying to get pregnant. She has very few GFs and was bullied in grade school by girls she thought were her friends. She doesn't belong to any groups, doesn't want to do any sports, doesn't want to study but wants unlimited priviledges. She blows up if she is told no. We restrict her activities, limit her computer and cell phone use as consequences for her behavior. None of this has changed her attitude. We have not allowed her to get her drivers license because of her poor grades. We have always been honest about the requirements to get her license - at least a C in each class. She thinks we are mean and tells us so. She talks about how she can't wait to be 18 so she doesn't have to take her medications or follow the rules. She sees her Dr. every 4 -6 wks and the therapist almost weekly. It seems like we never make any progress. She also has low self-esteem and doesn't care about her appearance too much. She has terrible hygiene (doesn't like using toilet paper, doesn't like to use soap) I have to tell her to take a shower, wash her hair, and brush her teeth. Current medications: Lamictl 100mg in evening and 50 mg XR in morning, Abilify 10mg, Wellbutrin 75mg, Vyvanse 50mg, and birth control.
My husband and I feel so isolated. Friends and family can't relate and don't understand. Most just say "make her" and think it will change things. I am so tired of the disapproving looks from teachers, family, and friends. I will be the first to admit that I am not the perfect parent and have made my share of parenting mistakes. My husband and I feel like we are being held hostage by difficult child at times.
Her diagnosis is: ADHD, ODD, Depression, Executive Function Deficit, and mood disorder. She was in psychiatric hospital for ten days during the summer after physically attacking me. The police were called and now she has a record of domestic violence. She has walked out (minor run away?) two times for at least an hour each time.
Any ideas??? Thoughts??? Sorry to go on and on, but I need to get out my frustrations.
me: 53, sad and depressed
husband: 50, sad and frustrated
easy child: 30, married and has own issues
Support: my faithful pets