need help figuring this out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lmf64, Oct 28, 2009.

  1. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    difficult child has Aspergers Syndrome, Bipolar, Adhd, ODD, and severe learning disabilities (right hemisphere deficits)

    He has average IQ and vocabulary, but he cannot learn to read. His math is also affected, but he has learned to use a calculator so basic math is there.

    When I say he cannot learn to read, I mean he reads at about a 1st grade 7th month level. Remember he's going to be 16 in just 4 months.

    He is technically a sophomore, but in actuality does no school work in a traditional sense. He can't read to do the school work and even if he learned to read today he's so far behind that there's no way he could catch up since he hasn't attended traditional grade level classes since he was in third grade. He's spent his days in special education classes and that frustrates him because the kids he's been in class with are for the most part low IQ.

    Last year he attended four days of school during the month of November. He was so frustrated that he blew and was suspended for 10 days and before he could go back to school we had to have a manifestation hearing. The purpose of the manifestation hearing was to decide if the behaviors that caused him being suspended were caused by his neurological disorders. Of course they were.
    Anyway, the district wanted to send him to an out of district placement, which also meant out of home. I'm sorry but there's no way I could do that to him. I am all he has. I have to admit there have been times through the years that I have wanted him out of the house, but the school district is not going to say they can't handle my child and therefore I can't handle my child!
    I refused to allow the out of district placement and demanded they at least try a 1:1 before I made any other decisions as to what was going to happen. I gave them until the first day after Thanksgiving break to get one, which at that time was a little over 2 weeks away. They found a wonderful man, John, and difficult child had a successfull school year for the first time in 3 years. He has been successfull this year, so far, with a new 1:1

    Now, back to the reason for the post. He wants to order a class ring and I want to get him one, but I'm not sure now is the time to get it. Like I said he's not really doing high school class work and will most likely be in school until the June after his 21st birthday. So if I order a class ring now he's going to have the wrong class on it, or would it? I don't really know. In the next 2 and a half years he could be ready to enter the work force full time, but who knows? He will begin working half days in a workshop off campus in March to learn the skills he needs to have to even begin to think about working in the neuro typical world.

    So, if you made it through this, answer me this. Would you order a class ring now?
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Uhmmm... My first thought is that they don't know the diagnosis- the ones you listed seem to be ALL the current default diagnosis's and they seem to be covering all different directions. But, that has nothing to do with your question.

    Next, here they have a "Modified Diploma" for kids on an IEP who simply cannot meet the requirements of a standard diploma. If your son is struggling that much to get through high school, you might want to check into that- it would allow graduating without having to stay in school years beyond his peers to try to accomplish the typical graduation requirements.

    Now, about the ring, personally, if it wouldn't cause a major problem, I think I would use it as motivation and tell him that I would get him one after he met the goals it took to know he would graduate the upcoming spring, or whenever. If it is a MAJOR thing with him, let him know that you can go ahead and get it, but he only gets one. Surely, he needs to be aware ahead of time if there is no way he can graduate this school year.

    That's just my opinion....
  3. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    oops I guess I need to explain. Around here it's common to get your class ring during your sophomore year and at the latest junior year. I don't know why it's just always been that way.
  4. Hello, lmf64! Some similarities with my difficult child, but I can only tell you what I would do. With my difficult child, the year on the ring would not be significant, it would be the ring itself. So, I would see if not putting a year on it was an option, first. If it wasn't, I guess, I would still get him one, especially with having such an improvement in your difficult child's behavior. I don't like to let my kids know that I may have doubts about their abilities, achieving goals, etc and I would feel like I was saying my difficult child wasn't capable and causing more doubt. My oldest son struggled with making it to graduation. I had told him all along that I knew he could do it and will do it, that it was not acceptable for him not to (he does not have any learning disabilities). When it came time to order his graduation stuff, how could I not? If I hadn't, that would've for me, shown him that there was a part of me that didn't believe in him. He graduated and is starting college winter semester. Now, my other son, is much like your difficult child as far as his academic abilities go. He is almost 12 and is reading at a 1st grade 1 month level. Math is his most difficult. He has learned some very basic small number addition and subtraction using touch math. Before touch math he just could never even count to 10. He is learning to use a calculator as well. He is in middle school and sometimes I wonder why when over all he is at a 1st grade level. What's he really going to get out of all these years of schooling other then frustration? I would get my son the ring; I hope it helps. Take care!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Why, oh, why didn't they allow him books on tape? What difference does his diagnosis make. He has a right to learn. My daughter was a late reader (couldn't read at eight) and was diagnosed with a processing problem. Although she was capable of learning to read (with a lot of help), she was also allowed to LISTEN to books or have the teacher read to her.

    I'm so sad and angry for your son that he wasn't given this option.

    I don't know what "it" is, but he can still learn even if he can't read. There are so many ways to learn!

    If it were me, to help make my son feel more like the other kids, I'd let him get the ring. That's just me.

    To Melinda: What a CUTE dog! :)
  6. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    I would try to get the ring as others have suggested with out a date on it. I am pretty sure there are companies that would allow this. That would allow him the ring but not put pressure on the date of graduation.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child is younger but very similar. He is still reading at a first grade level in the 7th grade. I know he will a ring when others in his class will be getting theirs. I like the others' idea about getting a ring without the date.
  8. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    I agree with the others...get the ring. My difficult child is much younger than yours (just turned 7), but he already wants to be as much like the other kids as possible.
  9. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    We're getting the ring, but not the one he wants. He wanted to order a ring that by the time he added everything to it, it would have been almost $500. He will be ordering his ring from WalMart. He didn't want to until I told him if you want the one from Jostens you pay the extra and If you order the WalMart one I will pay for it. I need to go to WalMart and find out if I can order it without the year on it before I order it.