Need help

[PatriotsGirl]

difficult child was so great on Saturday. I mean, wow, if I could only have that child every day. But then pieces started coming together for me yesterday. I was scraping paint off the floor on Saturday morning and she came out of her bedroom and said, "Let me do that mom. You can do something else." I was shocked and ecstatic! She got every little tiny piece off of the floor. Her behavior was incredible through out the day and she was even nice to her brother! But then I noticed I had not seen her eat a thing all day. Nothing. And this is normally a girl that will clean out a refrigerator in a given day. Also, she was sniffling all day. At first I thought it may be a cold, but I haven't heard her sniffle again since Saturday. On Friday night, I let her have a girlfriend over. I am thinking the girlfriend brought "treats" if you know what I mean. Now my question is, what do I do?? If I ask her about it she is just going to lie. No matter what, she will lie and throw a tantrum over the confrontation. I found a pen cut in half (obviously used for snorting) and a couple of sandwich bags. Should I have them tested? If so, where? The police station?
Right now, difficult child is off doing some community service and my house is peaceful! She has been asking me lately why I look at her the way I do, like I hate her. Truth is I know I am holding a LOT of resentment for her behavior and how she treats every one in this house and I am SO TIRED OF IT!! Obviously it is beginning to show. I can't help it. She is taking any ounce of love I feel and hope I had for her and squashing it. Like a bug.

 

[DaisyFace]

PG--

I understand completely. Instead of being able to enjoy the peaceful moments, we get suspicious about what activities these "peaceful moments" might be a cover for!

You know your child, your instincts are probably correct. unless you can find hard evidence, though, I am not sure what you can do.

 

[AnnieO]

Right now, difficult child is off doing some community service and my house is peaceful! She has been asking me lately why I look at her the way I do, like I hate her. Truth is I know I am holding a LOT of resentment for her behavior and how she treats every one in this house and I am SO TIRED OF IT!! Obviously it is beginning to show. I can't help it. She is taking any ounce of love I feel and hope I had for her and squashing it. Like a bug.

I'm right there with you... Burning bridges in OUR hearts. LOTS of hugs...

I don't know exactly what you can do except... If she's doing community service, maybe suggest THEY test HER?

Just a thought.

 

[Farmwife]

If it were my difficult child I would confront/ambush him and give him two choices. by the way he is a huge liar too.


1. Do a surprise home urine drug test, available at many drug stores and online. I would have it ready and waiting. if the test came back positive I would FORCE my difficult child into rehab. If he refused the test or rehab after a positive I would go to option 2.

2. Gather the "evidence" prior to the confrontation and put it somehwere safe. Call the police and let them determine if it is illegal paraphenalia and what to do about it. Then you are off the hook for having it in your house and difficult child must face consequences. I would push some sort of legal action just to corner difficult child into the system for more help or a paper trail that would lead to a court order for help.


As a side, I would keep the evidence while waiting for drug test results just in case there was a change of heart.

I would also lock my kid up like they were in prison and make sure the old friends were not allowed near my difficult child. I would look into alternative schools or whatever else I needed to. They can threaten to run away all they want but allowing them that control when drugs are involved will lead down a very dangerous path. I would rather risk being hated and yelled at to keep my kid sober.

Smoking weed and drinking at a young age is one thing...doing any of the pills, powders or injectables at a young age is a league all of it's own. There are very very high odds it will be a life altering and damaging choice they may never see their way clear of. It's bad when an adult gets strung out but when a young person does there is rarely any turning back without major interventions.


I partied a bit after I was 18 but had very strict rules about what I wouldn't do. My friends on the other hand did not, they started hard core and early. I have a lot of stories you don't want to know about when it comes to teens who party hardy and what becomes of them... Knowing what I know as a former street rat you should be very very concerned NOW!

The "scene" is not at all like it was in the 60's and 70's, trust me. I knew kids who died before 21. I know kids who have long term health issues from using. I know kids who ended up in prison. I know girls that went with any guy who had drugs, often much older men and a new one every week or so. These were kids from good families on the good side of town too. It started with one "friend" in a circle of the popular kids and they all went down like dominoes. I'm the only one out of a dozen or more who is functional as an adult today. I was also the only one who waited until 18 and all I did was smoke pot. The rest were on powder in high school...

 

[susiestar]

Gather up everything that you suspect has been used to hold drugs or to use them. Here if they find a plastic bag or tube they test it for residue. If any residue shows up you get arrested. Put the items in a secure place that difficult child cannot get into. Call the doctor and ask for a drug test, or get one at the drugstore (our Walmart carries them but you have to ask for them) or wherever. If she won't do the test or go to rehab call the cops and give them her paraphernalia. Refuse to let the other girl into your home, or, if you are devious, wait until the next time the girl is over and call the cops to come raid them. Talk about a rude awakening for them both, and the other girl's family.

Ignoring this will just make it worse. You need to start going to al anon or narc anon ASAP. You will get a LOT of support there and many ideas for how to best handle the problem.

It hoovers that the only decent, cooperative behavior you have seen from her in a long time is due to abuse of drugs. PLEASE get some help in dealing with your resentment of her. It is natural to feel that way but in the long run it will only hurt you. If not al anon or narc anon, find a therapist to help you. How you handle this WILL affect your relationship with your other child.