need your help today a bit

[Jena]

so i don't know why but today i'm at a loss. i got a little sleep last night, more than a little 6 1/2 hours and i've been suffering all morning with my stomach from that burger and also my nerves ontop of it.

i gotta get thru today one way or another. i did get xanax before heading out here. haven't taken it in years. i don't want to take it i want to do this on my own. so please dont' tel me to pop it lol.

today difficult child's anxiety is horrid due to her being afraid she wont' see me and all her grandparents who are heading up. i keep takling her thru everything on phone yet my nerves are totally shot at this point. plus my ex inlaws who are insane plus my mom and step father in same room. and my ex isn't coming. i keep telling myself not to worry about that stay focused on difficult child yet it isnt' working

help

 

[Andy]

It sounds like now is not the right time for grandparents to enter the picture. I know they want to show support and be there for both difficult child and you. Are there any errands you can send the ex-inlaws on? Can they go out and look for a new outfit for difficult child or something? Just to give them something to focus on and keep you from feeling you have to have something for them?

Have your mom in charge of your meals - when/where to eat.

Giving the grandparents jobs that will help you will make them feel that they have a purpose in difficult child's recovery and will give you more time to focus on difficult child.

Ask one of them to contact room service if new towels are needed - how about ask one of the grandma's to set up nutritional snacks in the room for all of you? They can go out and do that sort of thing - you do not need to play hostess at this time - they are there to take care of you.

 

[klmno]

I agree- I think they should have sent a card instead. This could be way too much at once and too soon. My bet is that your nerves and emotional roller-coaster ride are playing into your stomach issues, too. At least my stomach gets upset when I'm going thru extremely stressful and emotional battles.

 

[susiestar]

Giving them jobs to do is a good idea. Remember that you do NOT have to live with your ex so if you offend/upset his parents, they will get over it or not. You don't have to listen to them. So if you need them to back off, or feel you should tell them that they can NOT mention eating or food to difficult child, do it. You can always hang up the phone or not answer it if they call and harrass you later. Today is about difficult child and her recovery. in my opinion she does NOT NOT NOT need a bunch of extra people around right now, but if she is expecting them and worrying she won't get to see them, you will have to weigh things and decide whether or not to allow the hospital to keep you from her if she is not able to eat. in my opinion the fact that after 4 days she still is spending 5 hours sitting in front of food is likely a sign that she cannot eat as opposed to will not eat. Cannot is a function of her phobia - and the fear is real to her even if it isn't to anyone else. Will not is a function of ODD, gfgness or whatever else anyoen wants to say it is.

Hugs. This is about difficult child, and about getting your tummy feeling better. don't make nice for the grands. Do what difficult child needs, they are adults and can cope on their own.

 

[Jena]

hi

i survived. they met me at hospital so no need for jobs. my mom and step dad showed up first we played a game with-difficult child. which was cool she laughed alot. they even bought her a labtop!! she was so happy. than his parents came. boy do i get where difficult child gets her **** from. between their germ phobia's and than their anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) it was overwhelming to be in a room with-them. it went ok, they all talked and actually were very nice to eachother. his parents actually asked my parents if they'd wanna get together lol. my mom was like umm i think we're busy!!

ex h brought his wife with-him! ok can you imagine? she hasnt' seen difficult child in about 3 or 4 mos. she makes sure Occupational Therapist (OT) clear out of the house before difficult child shows doesn't sleep there and than returns after she leaves. she does zero with her, has no relationship with-her at all, doesn't ever call her, talk to her, spend time with her nothing!

so there she was. being crazy. walked up to window where difficult child was eating a huge no no waving to her!??? nurse planted her. than stood there complaining to the nurse about how inappropriate this program is?? WTF "yes my phrase for the week" i simply introduced myself to the nurse and said i'm her mother that is just his wife than walked away and let the nurse handle her.

i left and told ex h do nto ever ever bring her there again. i forbid it. it's pointless and a show to make your wife feel better who has no relationship with-this child at all. wait gets better she than proceeds to tell me i'm sorry about your father dying (hello that was umm 8 mos ago) congratuations on your wedding and there's nothign wrong with-difficult child she's just going thru a thing and growing up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i played nice, i wanted to beat her head into a wall (kinda like last nite with nurse) yet i smiled said you have no clue what you speak of. and played nice infront of difficult child. than told ex h do not come to hospital tmrw night i want alone time with-our daughter.

 

[Marguerite]

Charming. Political point-scoring for his wife's benefit at a time like that. As you said, now you have some idea where it all comes from...

Marg