new diagnosis

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by myb, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. myb

    myb New Member

    I am new to this site. My son was just diagnosed with ODD. Can anyone give me any [email protected]!?? He is 10 years old and very hard to handle at school and home. If someone can help please!!
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Welcome, myb. You will find lots of information here that will be helpful for you and your son. Poke around the posts that catch your eye, and jump into the conversation. It's difficult to give general advice, because each child's problems and solutions are so different.

    If you will go to the top of any page and click on "My Stuff" and then on "My Profile" at the bottom of that page there is a box for your "signature" to be filled out. Most of us have included a brief bit of information about our families, our kids, their ages, what diagnosis, if any they have or have had, medications tried, etc. That way when someone is reading your post they have an idea of what types of things we've tried, what worked, what didn't, and also what type of triggers they hace, or what type of acting out is particular to them.

    Good luck to you, you have come to the right place.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    ODD rarely stands by itself. Who diagnosed your child? Do you have any mood disorders on the family tree on either side? Substnace abuse? Is your son ever violent? You may want to do a signature like I did below. It will help us help you. Welcome!
  4. myb

    myb New Member

    He was diagnosed by a neuro psychiatric. He does have asperger tendencies and some depression. Asperger runs in the family as my sister's son has it and they thought my eldest son had it also. I just do not know what to do with him at school or at home. The school is really not helpful and I can not afford the special private school at $29,000 a year. What do you all suggest.

    I am a mom of 4. 3 boys and and then a little girl. His behavior is so disruptive to the whole family and in the last year I have gotten 2 autoimmune diseases because of all the stress this is causing. Any suggestions at all!!!????
  5. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Welcome. I would ask the school to evaluate him for an IEP. I am not sure how Texas is with their schools and a childrens needs. My son is currently going through the testing to receive his IEP. They have been working on different strategies to help his behavior while we are waiting for his results. They have been rewarding him with reserving a computer before school starts, stickers/goodie box stuff, get out of homework free cards, and other special privlages. This is helping him see that his good behavior is being rewarded.

    There are things the schools can do to help your child. unfortunately, you will have to be the voice that gets them working on this.check out the Special Education forum, it could be of some help.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does he have any autistic traits? Did he have a speech delay? If you can get that Asperger diagnosis., you open the door for lots of interventions. My son was given "autistic-traits" too and got nothing. WHen he finally got Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, he was given the world and it really helped him.
  7. mekki

    mekki New Member

    I had to INSIST my son be enrolled in a special school (public) in the first grade. The principal of that school later told me that I got on her nerves before he started there,I was calling for updates daily, hee hee, but now she sees that I knew exactly what my son needed!! We laugh about it now,(he's in 4th grade, 5th year there)but I remember thinking "you WILL take my son" hee hee.

    I say all that to say you have to be your child's advocate. And that may mean speaking up and loud to get what he/she needs. And some people aren't going to like you, but as long as you are polite (but firm)they can't fault you for trying to the best for your kid.

    Good Luck!

  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm amazed - nobody yet has suggested you read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene!

    I'm not being sarcastic - it's just that so often when someone new comes along, especially with what you describe, this is one of the first suggestions...

    OK, get the book. Borrow it from a library if you don't want to fork out for a copy just yet. Also, check "Early Childhood to see if there is still some discussion on the book there.

    It's a darn good book, it shows how you often need to change how you handle a kid, to avoid the oppositional-type behaviours. It's not for everybody, just a lot of people here. For us, it helped a lot.

    What you need to do, apart from getting that "Asperger's traits" given a more formal label, is get into his head and find out where he is coming from. If he has Asperger's in any way, he is far less capable than the people around him, to think from their point of view. These kids often seem to be very oppositional, when they simply need to understand. You can't just dictate to them, they will dish out the behaviour dished up to them. And if you think about it, a lot of standard discipline involves, "Because I said so, that's why."
    For a kid like this, it's a disaster. An Aspie kid given the "I'm the parent, do it my way" will dish it back without thinking about it. After all, you are the person who is teaching him how to behave, surely you just set an example? But then he comes out with, "Well, you sure took your time! I've been waiting here for half an hour for that glass of milk I asked for, what have you been doing with your time?" and then wonders why we get angry.
    Next time you hear your child being "oppositional", listen to what he says and how he says it. Can you identify where he heard that?

    With these kids you need a different tack. Ross Greene explains some really good options that are NOT hard work (although you need to keep your mind on the task and not slip back into old habits). We found our life was much easier, although sometimes people look askance at us when they hear difficult child 3 apparently get away with stuff they wouldn't countenance. To an Aspie, there is no such thing as authority. Everyone is equal. The fact that some people insist on being listened to and having priority (such as teachers, bosses, parents) is a mystery, they can't understand why. To them it seems to be injustice and especially bright kids will really resent what they perceive to be injustice.

    To get a feel for Asperger's and related conditions, have a look at and do their online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. It's not diagnostic, it's just a guideline, something for you to think about. You can print the results and show the doctor, to give the doctor something to think about as well.

    Welcome to the gang!