New here and struggling

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rhondajean, May 17, 2012.

  1. rhondajean

    rhondajean New Member

    My son started having suicidal thoughts when he was eight. Prozac seemed to really help. Now at age eleven and entering junior high he has struggled all year. We moved to a new town and he has yet to make any friends. He has a hard time keeping up with school work and sometimes just doesn't do it. He never seems to remember to turn in assignments. He doesn't want to do anything after school and even cries during piano lessons.

    We are thinking of moving back to southern California so he can be with his old friends. I feel so lost and I feel like I am failing him. I know this post sounds all over the place, but my thoughts are a little frazzled right now.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Well rhonda, you've come to the right place. There are going to be a lot of questions to begin with so bear with us. The reason is so that we have a clearer understanding of the whole picture so we don't send you down the wrong road. Just keep in mind that there are many different points of view here that you could end up with a lot of different perspectives. Take what fits and leave the rest but don't be too closed-minded. You might be surprised at what really does work.

    Who diagnosed your son? What was their area of expertise? Who is managing the medications? When was the last time there was a medication adjustment? Why did you move to a different area that you're willing to give it up to move back to where your son is comfortable? Would it really be that easy? Does he have an IEP or 504 at school? Does he get any help at all there? Are there any other mental health issues on either side of his family tree besides what you have in your signature? Including extended family and things things that have been diagnosis'd as well as things that are suspected.

    You do realize that forgetting to do things is very common for kids with ADD/ADHD. That's why I'm wondering about an IEP. What is going on could be increasing depression over the move and leaving everything familiar. It could also be that the medications aren't right. It could also me that the diagnosis's aren't completely correct. Can you give us a little more information about him?

    I highly recommend you read the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It doesn't sound like your son is explosive but the ideas in the book work VERY well. The processes described int the book saved my family. It is definitely worth a try. You might actually learn something new about your son.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. This is the BEST place for the most awesome support from parents who have been on the front lines and/or still are fighting the fight.
  3. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    Hi, Rhondajean,

    You've found the right place... welcome.

    Let's see... your son sounds familiar!
    9/10/11 are a common time for problems that were missed before, to snowball... and the poor kid ends up totally lost.
    You're right that the move didn't help... but even if you had stayed where you were, all of this may have happened.

    ADD + Depression usually means (in my experience) ADD + other stuff. The depression would be what happened when the other stuff wasn't found and dealt with.

    THere's a raft of dxes that "tend" to go with ADD - they call it co-morbidity. Some of the rates are really high. Some, I don't have rates off the top of my head, but common.
    1) Learning Disabilities - even in mild form, the problems multiply, and at about Grade 4, the work shifts from learning basic skills, to having to apply them (assumed proficiency). Reading, writing, math, etc.
    2) Half of the people with ADD/ADHD also have Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) - developmental coordination disorder, a neuro-motor problem that can affect fine motor, gross motor, or both, in varying degrees.
    3) 70% of the kids with ADD/ADHD and a Learning Disability (LD), also have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - auditory processing disorder, which we now know covers a lot more cases than just the originally defined problem of processing verbal language... for example, one of the other APDs is having problems with auditory figure ground, where all the sounds blend together into mumbo-jumbo in the brain... the person can't pick out the important sounds, or can only do so with extreme effort, leaving little brainpower for processing what is heard.

    Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation? Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation? Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation?
  4. rhondajean

    rhondajean New Member

    In first grade my son was diagnosed by the school to be on the autism spectrum. He has only been evaluated by the school. He has an IEP, but since we moved, the new school doesn't seem to do much about it. He is in a resource class for one period, but he doesn't get much help in it. He mostly reads in that class. He says the teacher doesn't have time for him and is usually surrounded by other students.

    I have a really hard time getting him to do his homework and when he does he usually does the minimum and gets marked down for it. He hasn't made any friends since we moved her a year ago. He just wants to play video games or look at frogs in the backyard. He doesn't want to do any extracuricular activities. We took him to wrestling tryouts and he started crying halfway through and having a meltdown.

    I know I have coddled him way too long. I just don't know what to do. It is really hard for me, because my depression and anxiety have been really bad. I'm really scared that I am letting this all get away from me. I really want to be a good mom.

    We moved for several different reasons, but now I just want to be back in Southern California where I have support of friends and family. I'm glad I found this site. If you have any advice, please help.
  5. rhondajean

    rhondajean New Member

    One more thing - He also can't stand the sound of people chewing. He gets really upset and starts crying, because it bothers him so much. It makes meal time really hard and sometimes he gets rude with people.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    If the school is the only one that's evaluated him, who's managing his medications and who prescribed them? The school legally cannot diagnose. If he really is on the autism spectrum, social skills are many time severely lacking and depending on the severity, frogs and video games might be his special interests. This is very common. That would also explain the ADD and possibly the depression-like symptoms. My son also has these issues. I can't imagine moving him from the familiar without a very good reason.

    The school is supposed to follow the IEP that came with your son. If they aren't, you need to call them on the things that are in there that they aren't doing. How long have you been in the new school? They are supposed to hold an IEP meeting within a reasonable amount of time to go over the current IEP and discuss any changes that are needed in the new setting. If he isn't getting what the IEP says, it's your job to go to bat for him. You are his biggest advocate. If homework is an issue at home, the IEP can be changed so there is no homework. For IEP questions, you can post them on the SpEd 101 forum here (click on the Forum tab at the top and look for it). That's where the resident "experts" check regularly. They would also have more answers for you regarding that.

    If you are both unhappy where you are now, maybe you do need to move back where you are both happy. You both deserve that. What does husband say about all of it? How about easy child? If they are up for a move and you can afford to do it, what's holding you where you are?

    It might also help to know what state you're in now. The members here are from all over the world. Someone might have more specific answers for you.

    Hang in there. You're doing fine with what you have and what you know. Our biggest motto here is to "trust your mommy gut". Very seldom is it wrong. It's there for a reason. We will also remind you that you're no good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. You aren't failing him. No one has all the answers. We just do the best we can. If possible, check in more often. You'll be amazed at the support you'll get here if you make your presence known more often.

    {{{{HUGS}}}} to you all. This is a tough journey and you just took a detour. We'll help you get back on the right path.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's not about coddling. Your son has major challenges. Please find a way to get a comprehensive evaluation done - including specific testing by an Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory and motor skills issues. \

    Until you really know what is going on, it will be difficult to find accommodations and interventions (or even medications) that can help.