New here--Intro

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by GabinkaP, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. GabinkaP

    GabinkaP New Member

    Hi, I found this site through Google and am hoping I can find support here through other Warrior Parents who have been there. My husband and I adopted 2 children (girl 9, and boy 8) from Poland 2 years ago. It was hard from the start but we went ahead with it anyway. Our son would be our difficult child as you say. Our daughter is not a easy child however. She has her issues, but they are so much more subtle. difficult child gets violent. He does not handle anger well. He does not take responsibility. He keeps waiting for the world to change so he won't have a reason to be angry rather than working on his anger. He can be sweet and caring and helpful. He's more generous than his sister, but once he starts acting up, he gets defiant, snarky, mean, and then physical (destructive to things or violent to people. He has threatened kids at school, pulled hair of a kid in Sunday school (kid punched him back), and we've called the cops on him 3 times. He seems to lose all control but we can tell that he's ccognitive through the whole thing. Therapist saw it when he acted up at her office (even to the point of throwing rocks at us) and I have several incidents of evidence that prove he can think when he's "out of control." I feel like he holds on to anger like it's his pride and it will get him what he wants...someday. It has only made things worse. They did come from a violent birthfamily and spent 4 years in an orphannage. Both have low self esteem and yet can be quite arrogant. They rarely get along when together. difficult child has made some progress. He doesn't fight 3 times a day anymore. He is likely dealing with PTSD and some measure of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). ADHD is also a possibility. We have just recently tried some medication. Jury is still out on that. It's been rough on both husband and I, but I tend to carry stress more. I was suprised to suffer from Post Adoption Depression. It ahs many layers but the two main layers are my difficult child and money. This last week I found that my son was maxed out on health insurance. So therapy is now very difficult. No new insurance until April. Likewise for me and my depression. I'm nearly maxed. So I'm looking for alternative ways to get some support.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there, from one adoptive parent to another.

    Right off the bat, I would like you to maybe read a link about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), reactive attachment disorder, because it would be very unlikely with their backgrounds that that is their main problem. I
    Most therapists or even psychiatrists know very little about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but foster and adoptive parents know if they have ANY kind of contact with a parent group. It is not easy to treat and requires some nonconventional parenting so that the children can attach.
    Do you know anything about their biological family besides that they were violent? Any diagnosed mental illness? DNA plays a part in resilience too as does whether or not Birthmom took care of herself during pregnancy and did not drink or use drugs. Ok, here are a few links. There are also some very good books. I'll post my favorite. Have you joined an adoptive parent group of parents of older adoptees? the hurt child
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    While your in research mode, also check into the attach-china site that Buddy recommends. It covers the full spectrum of attachment disorders - not just Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Even insecure attachment can bring all sorts of problems - and requires non-conventional parenting. (google "attach-china", I think...)