Hello, I'm new here. And completely worn out. I took a klonopin at 6:30 a.m. this morning if that tells you how I'm feeling. My difficult child is 14.5 in 8th grade. He has been difficult since age 2. Episodic course--there have been pretty good years and then bad years. 6th grade year, he was suspended for 6 weeks, became violent in the home, and was hospitalized for 8 days. However, there have been other times, he has done just fine---no behavioral problems. at school, good grades. He has been diagnosed with depression, ADHD and ODD (not officially but referred to as such). This year, the entire school year, he refused to do any homework at home. School has bent over backward to enable him to do it at school--they have taken away electives and foreign language and the Special Education people do backflips to help him. However, in November he quit taking his antidepressant and things went south from there. As of a month ago, he was failing 3 out of his 4 core subjects and not on track to graduate. Mind you, he does not have learning disabilities or intellectual disabilities. His IQ is above average in some areas and superior in others. All the teachers like him. He seems to be able to get alone well with adults at school. They feel he has a lot of promise, etc. etc. At home, he does exactly nothing. He has no respect for me. He cuts me down constantly and tells me I haven't done anything in 15 years (because I left the law to become a stay at home mother). Nothing could be further from the truth as I have another handicapped child, my husband has travelled extensively, I have done volunteer work on a routine basis, etc. He tells me I am "weak," and "a terrible parent." Because my husband was away so much (worked in California for 4.5 years), we became "enmeshed" I guess you would say. I enabled his "king of the Roost" behavior by not requiring any chores, or really anything of him. I brought him his food, picked up after him, ran interference for him at the schools. So, what do I have now? A very rude, disrespectful, defiant, and academically poor performing child. I wish I had worked and gotten a nanny. We have several experts--family therapist, psychiatrist, school social worker, ed consultant. They all seem to be of the mindset that we should be "talking" and "working our issues out." No one talks about rules and consequences. It seems to me we HAVE to have rules and consequences to obtain our rightful power over him. I am contemplating making out a rule sheet with consequences attached to breaking them, and always following through. I have done this in the past, but haven't had the support of my husband or experts. What do you all think of this problem solving stuff, i.e. Ross Greene. He is fairly emotionally controlled. Occasionally, he loses it and threatens me, but overall, he is rather stable mood wise--I would say dysthymic. So, we are not dealing with a thrashing, crying, violent kid. He simply feels he is superior to the adults around him and will not obey what they say, period. Because they are weaker and stupider than he is and he can do what he wants. HELP!!!! Sorry for the long post. Can anybody recommend a book, a simple paradigm we can follow that will allow us to take back our power?