New here. Possible ODD/ADHD son. Dr. Apt next week.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by my2boys, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. my2boys

    my2boys New Member

    Hello. I am Jennifer. I am married to Mark, and we have 2 kids. Our oldest is 9. He has Asperger's. He is NOT my issue most of the time. We have our routine and we get by pretty well. My youngest is the one I am worried about. He is 6 years old and something is defiantly wrong. I have been calling him a child with "strong emotions". I can't hardly say a word to him without him lashing out at me. He usually yells and hits/squeezes my arm, or throws something at me. Today I was probably hit over 15 times, a normal day. He is getting stronger, so he is starting to hurt me. It is mostly directed at me and not my husband. I have not really figured out why. We homeschool our kids, and we (my husband and I) are home all the time. I do the teaching while he works in his home office. Maybe because I am the one who is always asking for performance from my child? My husband is mostly working and not in the role of asking the kids to do things. My child gets frustrated so very easily during school tasks. I think he also has a learning difficulty. Anyway, I broke down today and made an appointment to talk to the doctor about him next week. We do not have insurance, so I am scared to think of the cost of specialists/therapists/or possible medications. I just want my child to feel a sense of calm and happiness. It must be hard for him to go through each day feeling angry with the world.

    I am glad to have found this forum. Thanks for listening.

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    My guess is that since you have one child on the autism spectrum it is very likely this child is on there somewhere also. Not definitely but highly likely. both my boys are there but one is definitely "higher" on the spectrum than the other so I can't even really compare them much. difficult child 1 sounds a lot like your youngest where difficult child 2 is an "Aspie-Lite". You might want to start documenting what exactly happens before the behaviors. My difficult child 1 has many more issues with learning because of his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) than difficult child 2 who excels with school. We also "homeschool" kinda, actually we do online middle school from home. I have had difficult child 1 evaluated for academics and he scores average but because of his "different thinking" I have to explain things so differently for him to understand what it is he's supposed to do. I have learned how he thinks and can explain things to him so HE can understand and then he does what is expected. Without the child-specific explanations, difficult child 1 barely pulled B's. Now he is primarily an A student. In our case it's all in the presentation. If you can figure out where/what the exact struggles are, you will be better able to help him work around them.

    Good luck at the doctor. I hope it is a psychiatrist or PhD psychologist you are seeing and not just a pediatrician or family doctor. You might want to specifically ask to have him evaluated for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), sensory issues, and language skills issues.

    Welcome to our little corner of the cyber world. There are some very wise, experienced, supportive parents here. Stick around and you'll learn a lot and feel far from alone in the things you are struggling with.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Jennifer, welcome. Sounds like a rough ride. My son has always been aggressive too. I understand the concern with no insurance. if your children are diagnosis with disabilities, you might be able to get state insurance for them. Also SSI. You can start by calling your county social services department, there is usually a department for children with developmental disabilities and/or mental health issues. This is NOT the time to brag about all the achievements they have accomplished, save that for us and your family and friends. Ask for a case manager to help you find resources for your TWO disabled children. Explain that you need help with finding assessments and therapy. Tell them about the insurance issue and ask for help applying for things. They may not suggest SSI, that you may need to specifically ask about and even look online for. Many here have gone thru the process, without a diagnosis your younger one may not qualify yet.

    The other option to help is the public schools. Even when you homeschool or if your kids were in private school you can ask the public school system, special education department for an evaluation.

    You can receive assessment and therapy through the schools, you just have to bring them for Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), Learning Disability (LD) services...whatever services the IEP team (Including you of course) thinks will help support your children. They do not have to attend public school for academics (except for support of your accademics if you like) and it will not cost you anything. (If they dont have this, it is against federal law and you will probably need an advocate)

    Since you already have one son with aspergers, it could very well be that your second one does too. No two kids are the same on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) continuum. Many kids seem ADHD, ODD, Anxious who have an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) disability as an overriding label/diagnosis.

    My thoughts are with you, welcome to this awesome group. You have your hands full for soure but in this group people really do get it.

    Come by frequently, you are likely to receive lots of questions and ideas. Take what works for you and accept the rest as sincere attempts to help and then just move!

    HUGS, Buddy
  4. I am fairly new to the board, and I don't have a ton to offer. I mostly find myself "Seconding" what other people explain, very, very well. This board is such a wealth of knowledge. I am glad you found it.

    I have an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son with other issues, and we are in the process of formally diagnosing our older daughter. She starts testing today. She is brilliant, but explosive, vindictive and nasty ...largely only to me, but it does spill out to other family members.
    Everyone outside of our family thinks she walks on water. She kinda does...class president, all that.

    I just want to applaud you for getting help early. I waited, thinking I could handle it myself, thinking it was "bad parenting" or poor adjustment to divorce that happened a long time ago, or anxiety, like I have always had (untreated!) It was unfair to her to not get help earlier.

    So, getting on board this early is wonderful. GOOD FOR YOU. I know it is hard. Our state has really good insurance for kids and has sliding scale for income and all that, and has services for people with disabilities. I hope your state does, too, and that you qualify.

    It is easy to focus on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid, and think that because the other child's behavior isn't as severe, than it isn't troublesome. I think I was looking through some funky colored glasses for a long time. Perspective got warped. Probably easy to do.

    Press on, mama soldier.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I third thinking it is probably a spectrum disorder (they are genetic) and I'd see a neuropsychologist. However, I wanted to address the no insurance insure. I'm not sure where you live, but many states have automatic insurance for children and the parents ALSO get insurance. It's like that in both Wisconsin and Illinois. Have you tried applying for state insurance?
  6. my2boys

    my2boys New Member

    Amazing support already! Wow. Thank you! I am sitting here in tears. I needed a place to vent and had nowhere to turn. Finally, a group that "gets it"!

    Insurance: I live in Maryland. We don't have insurance because my husband is self-employed, and I don't work anymore. We also don't qualify for state aide because of our income, but we also can't afford to buy insurance privately. If I did work, then I would not be able to homeschool the kids. They need the homeschooling. Typical public schools just does not fit for them. I am very well versed in the IEP process and the IDEA laws, as I am an occupational therapist that has worked with children for about 12 years before deciding that I needed to be home with my own children. Honestly, I have never had my oldest formally diagnosed with Aspergers. I am 110% confident that he has it. Having him go through the diagnosing process may be too hard on his self-esteem, as he finally thinks he is perfect just the way he is. I knew that I could address his needs through my experience of being a therapist. However, I find myself in new territory. I am lost with my youngest. I have tried everything in my bag of tricks. Nothing seems to work. Hence, I caved in and reached out for help from our family doctor.

    The dr apt. is with our family doctor. I am hoping she can steer us in the direction of a good psychiatrist. That appointment is next week. Any advice on what I should share/ask at this appointment?

    Thanks again everyone! I can tell this is a great place to be!
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi again, Jennifer, I did the same as you. I am an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and decided to stay home, not to homeschool, but because I was getting called to school so much and needing to spend everyminute before and after school with him....stress needed to go way down in our home and I know it is why we do still live together. I am sure you would not qualify for state health insurance too, but if you get your son officially diagnosed (and by the way, they would not have to tell him anything, just testing to see how best to help him learn etc. all kids go through tests) you may be able to get daughter funding, CADI waiver, TEFRA or similar program for them. That is what I was referring to. You may have a parent pay portion for the tefra and you would need to calculate if it was worth your money. It would also make them eligible for you to apply for SSI. our kids, as you well know from your job, are not their labels or is just a tool to access services for them and give us a direction in terms of medical care. Glad to have an Occupational Therapist (OT) here, they are my favorite people in difficult child life. In fact, we are going back to private therapy now that we are hitting puberty. Did you work with lots of kids with autism? Funny how things work out right? there are several teachers and other therapists here.

    Ok insurance aside, (my son has it but I dont), living with a child who can be explosive is exhausting. I always say if it is that hard for me (and teachers etc.) imagine how he feels. I can't. But today when I know fully well that he is overwhelmed and that he has done better than he has for a while, I still am ready to say ENOUGH as he slammed my computer closed while I was typing because he heard the phone ring and he gets worried about who is calling, he is so excited to go to a party and so is demanding money (they pay ahead and it is all covered) and saying he is gonna beat me up if I dont (I didn't), can get overwhelming. I know once he is there it will all calm down. little bumps when he walks by, trying to get in my face, etc. He is like this every time he is anxious. Heck the day I adopted him, I took him swimming and he bit my shoulder! first day home he bit my niece and hit me several times (understandable that he was freaked out, he was 2-10). I have lived with verbal and physical aggression to one degree or another for over 11 years. Let me tell you how thrilled I was when my little imitator started copying swear words he heard at add that to our public scenes. Now, most days go along ok for 85-95% of the day. But that small left over part, really stinks.

    Just sharing, feel free to start throwing out specific situations and we can all brainstorm together. You know, when you do that it is like they say in schools, if you have the question, you can bet others do too! Glad you are here, Buddy
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    I'll add my vote for possible spectrum issue. My oldest is Asperger's. Very mild, but very classic case. My daughter is also very possibly on the spectrum (still waiting for official evaluation results), and I NEVER saw it. Two reasons - she's a girl, and she's presenting a bit 'different' without the classic and more obvious indicators.

  9. my2boys

    my2boys New Member

    Thanks again for all your support. I will let you know how the appointment goes next week. It is nice to read about others situations. It reminds me that I am not alone.

    by the way, when I was working as an Occupational Therapist (OT) in the schools, I primarily worked was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids. It is funny the way things work out. It is just so much harder when it is your own child.

  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I hear that!
  11. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    Hey Jennifer

    Hang in there. We all understands.
    I have a 11 years old aspie and a 6 years old Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified which recently the family support group insisted its not autistic cos she wants me to reason with him and she wants me to practice the, stay in the car until
    You behave, go out in the yard to spend your energy kind of exercise. Even I told her its no way to reason with autistic child, she told me Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified is NOTHING OTHERWISE SPECIFIC and it's not autistic......
    And psychiatrist not hearing me. All he talks about is its my mental health that is causing me to see only negative.
    All people who knows me, whether here or real life, knows I can be overwhelmed but I m not crazy.
    So you are not alone.
    Hang in here. We are here for you
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Crystal speaks the truth, while we all have and/or develop issues, probably-i mean we are human afterall--...... fixing us is not the main answer. And anyone who says Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified is not part of the autism spectrum isn't looking in the DSM IV where it comes from (which by the way they are talking about changing altogether to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) like in the schools, and maybe making Aspergers a separate diagnosis)... Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is the umbrella term for all autistic specrum disorders, not otherwise specified added to it (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified) as the final diagnosis category, and it just means the person does not fit neatly into any one of the other categories laid out in the diagnostic criteria, but that they DO have some of the traits, just can't categorize more specifically.