new here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AuntSugar, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. AuntSugar

    AuntSugar scared mom

    hi I am new to this forum, but not to difficult children. My oldest daughter was diagnosed Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and treated. She sees a psychiatrist and takes Abilify and adderall, However she never really got a diagnosis for her concurrent conditions. She is 18 now but still in high school and I am having a real problem dealing with her explosive temper, mood swings, lieing, stealing, hoarding, poor hygiene and verbal abuse.

    2nd child, ds is 14, he was failure to thrive and pervasive developmental disorder with ADHD. He takes Abilify and Vyvanse. He is very defiant and has trouble at school because he won't do the homework. He does seem to be learning the material because he gets good grades on his tests, but he loses points for missing assignments, so is failing. He does have an IEP and seemingly good Learning Disability (LD) teachers. He has an explosive temper and has hit me and kicked me on several occasions when I tried to discipline him. He is bigger and stronger than I am. husband has a heart condition so i don't tell him about the violence because he tries to muscle the boy into behaving and gets so worked up that I fear he will have another heart attack. Plus, husband works out of state and so i am basically a single parent.

    daughter #3 is 13 and so far a normal child. I worry about the effect growing up in such a dysfunctional household can have. Plus, I turn to her for comfort when my other kids have been abusive and I know that is not a healthy thing for her; she needs me to be an adult and I am so PTSD I can barely function.

    I hope to find some answers here.

    I work part time for an orthodontist.
  2. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Sugar,
    just wanted to welcome you and tell you this is a great place for support. Others will be along--weekends are kind of slow--and they will have great advice for you! I tend not to be so good at expressing myself in writing but others here really have a way of expressing themselves that is so clear and helpful.

    You sure do have your hands full, I am sorry for that.

  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Sugar, Welcome.
    Is your 18-yr-old able to live on her own? Just a thought ... :)

    I am so sorry about you not wanting to tell you husband. You two could get into counseling and learn some co-parenting skills so husband doesn't lose his temper. It would be a great help to all of you.

    I don't have much else to offer at this point ... I'm brain dead today. Just wanted to say "hi."
  4. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Welcome to the board, I'm so glad you found it. It is a great place for support, come often, vent, complain, ask questions and take strenght.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

    Are your kids better, worse or about the same since they started their current medications? I ask because sometimes stimulants like Vyvanse and Adderall can increase temper tantrums, moodiness and aggression.

    In terms of your 14-year-old son, is it possible to have written into his IEP that he either is given no homework or an opportunity to do homework during the school day (as in a resource period)? It's quite possible that he just can't handle any more work in one day.

    Again, welcome.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i just wanted to jump in quick say hi and welcome you to's a great place and very supportive

  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Welcome AuntSugar - you definitely have your hands full.

    Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is one of the most worrisome diagnosis's for a difficult child to receive. Has your 18 y/o difficult child rec'd any kind of therapy or treatment for this disorder over the years?

    As for your middle difficult child - what is the possibility that he is also on the attachment disorder spectrum? It's sounding pretty familiar & not unusual for more that one child in a family to have this disorder.

    You're right about your 3rd child - turning to her is not a good thing. She needs therapy & skills to overcome what is going on with her siblings.

    You need support if your husband is ill & cannot pitch in. Since the diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in your oldest have you rec'd or applied for any services? Now that she is more an adult the diagnosis will most likely be changed to borderline personality disorder (or that will be added).

    I guess I have questions with few answers at this point.

    I hope we can help you through this - if nothing else, give you a shoulder to lean on. Take care & come back often.

    PS: You will find there are many debates over the diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I never doubt a diagnosis such as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) once it's been given. Take what you can learn here & leave the rest.

    Last edited: Sep 28, 2008
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You ought to do a signature like I did below. Have you adopted these kids? I'm asking because of the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and failure to thrive diagnosis.