New here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SarahE26, Jun 16, 2011.

  1. SarahE26

    SarahE26 New Member

    Hello everybody...I'm new to the site. I have been reading alot of posts on here and I think alot of ppl here seem to be in a somewhat similar situation to what I'm in. I have three children, 2 boys and a girl. My boys are 9 and 8 and my girl is 21 months. My 9 year old has been giving me problems for years and I keep trying to help him and talk to him to make him understand and he never gets better. It just gets worse and worse and worse. This is going to sound bad, but I'm at the point now where I don't even like him anymore. I love him of course, but most days, I just wish he wasn't even around. He has a complete lack of respect for rules. He does what ever he wants, when he wants and when he gets in trouble he refuses to accept responsiblity for anything he does or he will blame it on his brother. He yells, he argues, he gets mad easily, he's manipulative, he lies constantly. He refuses to ever do his chores without being told. He hardly has anything in his room anymore because he breaks all of his stuff, not out of anger, but just for no reason as far as I can see. Then he gets mad because I wont buy him more stuff or because he doesn't have anything. I refuse to keep trying to make his room look nice and buy him things for him to continuously break them. He still wets the bed every night. And he has talked his brother into having "naked time" with him at least 10 times(that I know of) over the years. I've had problems with my 9 year old ever since I can remember. My 8 year old was always a lot different...quiet,shy,never argues(still doesn't), always does what he is told, but now my oldest is talking him into things and making him do things. My 9 year old will take my 8 year old and beat the **** out of him until he does what he was told by him. It's an endless cycle of trying to enforce good behavior and all I ever get is bad behavior, lies, and arguing. I'm so tired of it. Nothing I do works. I've tried EVERYTHING I can do at home. I'm so scared that the next person to be sucked into his influence is my little girl. Everything is so different when he isn't here. So normal. I took him to a psychologist when he was 7 and he said he had ADHD, ODD, and personality disorder I believe he said, but couldn't diagnose this because he wasn't old enough yet. We did Adderall for about a year and it did help improve his grades, but thats about it. He was also on Risperadol(SP?) and I saw no change from that. The psychologist was horrible. He never even talked to my son. He only talked to me alone and then would bring my son in and just tell him to be good for me and do what I ask. Then my husband got laid off and we lost our insurance and there went the medications. We also cannot get Medicaid because we make too much, but not enough to get insurance. I'm hoping to get insurance soon as my husband is changing jobs again and we should be able to finally afford it. The more I read about behavior and mental disorders, the more I think he has Bipolar Disorder too. I just feel like I'm at a stand still right now. The psychologist we saw before suggested putting him to the behavior center for several weeks. I started to and when we got there, they were bringing in 3 kids who were coming in from jail. It disturbed me because I was thinking,"my son is not that bad", and I didn't want him exposed to those kinds of children. And now I am severely regretting not doing it when I had the chance. I know now that I am just going to have to use tough love and suck it up and do what I have to do even if that means putting him in the behavioral hospital for a few weeks.

    I don't guess I really have a particular question. I've dealt with this for so long that all I can do is talk about what is going on and thats it. Sometimes I don't even know what to say because I just don't understand why.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    Has your child seen a neuropsychologist? I know you don't have much money now, but did he have one in past? How was his early development? Can you tell us a bit about his early years? Was he ever sexually abused that you know of ? Did he suffer any trauma? Any divorces? Did he always cuddle with you, look you in the eye, know how to behave with his same age peers? How does he do in school?

    Welcome to the board! :) but sorry you have to be here.
  3. keista

    keista New Member


    I know you said insurance might be coming soon, but check into insurance for the kids through the state. If I am not mistaken, years ago, EVERY state was supposed to set up affordable insurance for kids. The income ceiling can be pretty generous. Some states (like mine) have a secondary program specifically for kids with developmental/behavioral issues.

    Stick around. This is a great place for support, insights, and guidance!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Sarah,
    Glad you found our little corner of the world but sorry you needed to. Have you checked into the Katie Becket program in your state? We actually have good insurance but my son was eligible because of his disability. With the Katie Becket program they are not allowed to look at the parents income at all.

    Sending gentle hugs your way.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome Sarah!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I just wanted to add my welcome to you! You've found a great place to learn, relax, laugh a little bit and some great understanding company!

    Glad you are with us!
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Sarah!