Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pnuts, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. pnuts

    pnuts New Member

    Good Morning...
    I am a new member.
    Wish I would have known about this place sooner.
    I have a 12 year old with bipolar disorder, add, odd...etc. etc.
    Sometimes I am totally today. Each time I think things are a little better...they get worse. It is difficult to get everyone involved in his care on the same page. psychiatrist has his agenda, Therapist has her agenda, school has their own agenda... No one really working together. Family and friends do not understand...they are more interested in placing the blame for my sons condition.
    I am a psychiatric nurse and I know the value of a team approach, but I cannot seem to get the team to work together. Any suggestions?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd! I don't know that I can give advice as far as getting the team engaged. Family and friends understand to a degree, but most of the time swamp you with "opinions".

    In the business world, follow-up was always key, so what I started doing was typing "minutes" of all of my encounters (dr. appts., psychiatrist, therapist, school) whenever a suggestion for change was made (whether medicine, behavioral approach, discipline, etc.) and send "cc's" to the stakeholders (keeping as much privacy intact of course). This drives all of them nuts because there's a paper trail. It also helps if I didn't get something right, the person can correct me and the rest of the team can be up to date!

    Again, you've found a great group of people. When you get a chance, go to the My Stuff section up top and fill in your profile. It makes it easier for people to ask questions without you having to repeat yourself. No names, but put in diagnosis and medications.!

    Have a great day!
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    G'day & welcome. You found us NOW, that's the main thing. Others will be along soon with more specific advice. I'm no expert on bipolar.

    However, we do have some good books we recommend. I agree, too often the various people working with our children have their own agendas. This is where we come in - SOMEONE has to coordinate all this. In Australia we go to our GP for some degree of coordination, but the parent has to do a lot as well. Someone has to be the spider in the centre of the web, and a parent, especially with a good GP backing them up, can get a lot done.

    When you can, do a sig for us, like I have below my name on this post. It will follow you for each post you make and help us keep track of your own family etc. It saves you having to explain it all the time.

    But do avoid using personal names (or real ones, anyway). It's easier to 'bash' the system, or at least feel safe in saying what you feel you need to, knowing that someone isn't going to track you by y our name and then use what you've said against you in some other way.

    Family & friends often are the last to catch on and be supportive, because they are TOO close. They'd rather believe that you're a bad parent, than believe there could be anything wrong with that precious child. But most of them do come around. It just takes a very long time.

  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Wow, you work fast!

  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Welcome pnuts (I love your sn and avatar!).

    I agree, its often difficult to get your team of family and friends to work with you and often you find that you're the only cheerleader in the bunch, the only one who wants to make things happen. Just keep at it. It took a very long while, but eventually I was able to get exh, H and some other family members and friends to see what I was seeing in difficult child and back up our choices for her. Ironically, my 26 year old niece is a psychological APRN and though she hardly has spent any time around my difficult child, she's always the first to tell me that difficult child's diagnosis are incorrect and ask questions that, ethically, I don't think she has any business her part of the family are very skeptical about the way in which we've handled difficult child. But I just have to keep on going, just like everyone else.

    Again, welcome!
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    My daughter (easy child/difficult child 2) had a dysfunctional mental health team when she was first diagnosed with depression more than 2 years ago. The therapist didn't talk to the prescribing psychiatrist and vice versa. Both the therapist and the psychiatrist didn't understand what was going on when my daughter had a very strange disinhibited and aggressive reaction to Paxil. The therapist thought my daughter's strange behavior was attention-seeking and the psychiatrist kept upping the Paxil because he thought she was still depressed (her behavior was actually induced by the Paxil, and every increase made her worse). We finally switched to a psychiatrist who practices integrated care, meaning she does both the medication management and weekly psychotherapy. It has made a tremendous difference, and my daughter is unbelievably stable now. This model worked so well for our daughter that we have now found psychiatrists who practice integrated care for our other two children as well. psychiatrists who practice integrated care are hard to find, but well worth the investment in my humble opinion.
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi pnuts

    It is frustrating.

    To use a Fran phrase, you are Captain of the Ship. The title should come with-a job description and operating manual, but it doesn't. lol

    When professionals I hire don't do their jobs, I replace them. If they don't want to be part of the team, so be it. They are all one segment of the overall treatment plan, and if a piece of the puzzle doesn't fit, you have to find one that does. (Yes, easier said than done.)

    IEPs and appropriate implementation thereof is also one part of the treatment plan. If you need help learning about yours and your child's educational rights, visit the Special Education forum on this site. If you don't have one, you might also want to consider enlisting the services of an advocate.

  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi there and welcome,

    I just wanted to offer my support and say hey. Please keep posting with questions and issues. there is always someone who has been there.

    LOVE your avatar!
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member


    I am always amazed when a member posts about the team getting together. I never made it happen, probably don't need to.

    But, it is a major process that takes a ton of energy. So, do not be so hard on yourself. Keep trying! You can do it.

    :warrior:warrrior mom!