You belong in the Parent Emeritus forum. However, I'd say your daughter IS a problem. But that's my opinion. And I still feel you'd do better if you made a life for yourself aside from your adult children. Don't fight with their SOs. You can't win and it's not your battle. Don't betray your daughter and sons confidences. That's going to make you have bad relationships with them, understandably so. Stay out of their marriages. Let them handle their SOs.
We are on Parent Emeritus mostly posting about our own adult kids. Not that you CAN'T post about the SO's, but you may get some feedback about your adult kids and yourself too...your daughter has not been an angel and you are probably too involved in her relationship, which, frankly, is her
business. Most of us stay out of the relationships of our grown children once they are past age eighteen.
No partners like meddling mothers...there are movies about that. Seriously!!!!
I'd post on PE if you do post, but maybe stick to your own adult children and your problems with them. And we will tell you to make a good life for yourself because you can't control your adult children because...they are adults
They get to pick who they want to spend their lives with and they also face the consequences of bad choices, but THEY have to do this thing called life on their own. They are not even in their 20's. You have two middle age adult children...a woman and a man...they don't need and probably don't want your input.
Friends your own age, church groups, hobbies, working out, volunteering, part time jobs, new interests, etc...all the things I've done to make sure I'm not that lady in the rocking chair, waiting for my adult children to call me. I make darn sure I don't pester them every day and, really, I know they need space from me and I need space from them too sometimes!!!! Family or not, we need lives of our own. And we need to learn how to have relationships with our adult children without being intrusive and bossy about what they do or we will not hear from them very often. They are no longer little. They are grown up.