No need for a therapist

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So says difficult child, since we're going in an hr. ;)

    He says we can discuss everything we need to at home. He then demonstrated this idea, telling me that he really doesn't hate my guts. I just shouldn't believe him when he says that.

    I said, "Then how can I believe you when you tell me you love me?"

    "I only say things I don't mean when I'm mad."

    "Oooh, so, how do we keep you from getting so mad that you yell mean things, like F*** Y***, instead of discussing things?"

    "I'll just tell you when I've had a bad day at school and I want to be alone. Then I won't get mad at you on top of it."

    Good idea. "But when I ask you how your day went, you say you don't want to talk about it, so how do we get it out of your system when you won't even tell me you you don't want to talk about it? Should we buy you a punching bag?"

    "Sometimes I don't want to talk about it when I've had a good day. So I would have to say, 'I had a bad day.' See, we don't have to go to Dr. R, and on top of it, you'll save all that money!"

    "Very clever. I like that idea. We have to be consistent about it, though. Let's tell Dr. R about our good idea."

    I love the part about saving money! :laugh:

    Unfortunately, we've got to discuss the fact that I have a boxful of panties and I don't know who they belong to. :faint::anxious:
  2. Janna

    Janna New Member

    He must have been twins with D in another life. Geez, I've heard that all the time.

    We have the routine down, now. D walks in the door, and I'm sitting here at the computer (typically - the 15 mins prior to him walking in the door is my "down" time).

    I hear him, and wait. Normally, he comes in hollaring something. He drops his folder, coat, and either 1) goes in for snack 2) gets dressed to work out with me or 3) goes up to his room and closes the door. If 1 or 2 occur, I know he's OK with talking. If he goes up to his room, I leave him totally alone. He can be up there 10 mins or 2 hours. That's *his* time. And, usually, when he comes down, things are good.

    I rarely ask "how was your day", because the ONLY answer I get is "good". LOL!

    "I only say things I don't mean when I'm mad". Yep, heard it - hence, the reason he is to be sent, shipped, carried directly upstairs. Well, when you're mad, you need to utilize your coping skills so you *dont* say things you don't mean. Maybe a good thing to identify with difficult child and therapist - coping skills. I swear by them.

    Very good luck tonight! I love how difficult child is trying so hard to save you money. Tee hee! Too funny.

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yup, he's got it aaaaaallllll figured out, that difficult child! Hope he gets busy with the 'splainin' on the box o' panties. That should be interesting to hear.

    In all seriousness, I really hope his therapist/psychiatrist get this figured out so he stops doing it.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL!! Have fun!! I guess he really did not want to go.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hope all goes well!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So how did the appointment go? I see he had things all figured out-smart to throw in the saving $ part!
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, he went along, arguing part of the way, silent most of the way.
    I went in alone with-the bag of panties to disucss a plan. I told the dr that difficult child didn't want to to the appointment because he could do it all himself, and we talked a bitabout his calling me F**** etc. Then I left the rm, so the dr could confront difficult child about the painties. I didn't has to wait long ... less than 20 min, when the dr came to get me. It was clear difficult child had stonewalled.
    "I don't know " he says, in response to where they came from. That's a non-answer, so our plan is to keep it in his face until he caves in.Every night, we spread the panties out on the table and stare at them for 1/2 hr in the hopes an idea will pop up and everything will be resolved.
    It;'s going to be a long process. I am going to be sick of panties very night. The idea is to make him so sick of it that hr finally gives in and tells us the truth.
    This is reallly not the master decorating plan I had for the kitchekn but do oy what you have to do.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Terry i'm so sorry. It can be so difficult when they shut down and you are left clueless and frustrated. Don't give up though and i know you wont', eventually you will break him and he will spillith.

    i hope you are relaxing tonite and taking a break. i just got my difficult child in and i'm in my sleep position ready to go
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wouldn't it be great if his swearing at you and saying things he didn't mean were the only things going on? Maybe he needs to demonstrate how to handle the pantie situation without a therapist? I bet his answer to that one would be,"Oh, I just will not be doing that any more - problem solved."

    Bringing the savings view into the discussion is something my difficult child would do. They really do know our pressure points don't they? And how do they seem to figure out when to attack which pressure points during which discussion?
    And of course they are experts at keeping the focus off the real issue. Notice how your difficult child only mentioned the swearing and saying he hates you? I has come to accept that as something he should be able to control. He hasn't figured out the panties thing yet so will try to stay clear of that discussion.

    Someday I hope he will appreciate what an awesome mom he has to help him through these things. You really do a great job.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    He's home "sick" today, with-a stomach ache, after having eaten 3 volcano tacos last night. Grrr.