Not sure where to start

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Sarmandak, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. Sarmandak

    Sarmandak New Member

    My son is 11. He was recently diagonised with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Mood Disorder-not otherwise specified and Conduct Disorder. He is also a heart patient. He was born with multiple heart defects and has had corrective surgery 4 times. The last surgery was when he was 5 and was a heart valve replacement.

    We started to notice huge changes after his last surgery. By the time we left the hospital after a 17 day stay he had started to become aggressive with docs and nurses and very verbally abusive. He returned to school 2 weeks later and finished the last 6 weeks of kindergarten with little problems. 1st grade went ok. Few issues but mostly just trouble with concentration, staying on task and waiting his turn. 2nd grade more if the same but more issues more often. We started seeing a therapist with him at this time. It did not go well. He did not get along well with the therapist and took to throwing things or being verbally abusive because I think he knew she would end the session and ask him to leave.

    We continued to work with the therapist the rest of the school year and though out the summer. He never connected with her and was pretty much refused to talk to her unless it was something he found interesting. By the beginning of 3rd grade he was hitting other students and being very disruptive. The school was of no help, refused to accept the therapist recommendations, and suspended him 4 times the first 2 months of school. We pulled him out and have been home schooling since.

    We switched therapists 3 times but he still refused to talk or engage. About a year ago he started really freaking out about his cardio checkups. He goes every 6 months for an EKG and echocardiogram. He has never had an issue doing the testing before until last year. He started refusing to do them and becoming violent and verbally abusive if the nurses and techs touched him. We moved to a 4th therapist who we are still with. She is wonderful but he refuses to see her. She referred him to the office doctor wo he saw once and was pretty horrid to. She did not feel the office locally could help him so referred to the Children's hospital in the city. She prescribed Prozac, risperdal and cogentin in the meantime.

    He was finally see at Children's in November. The doctor there we really liked but then she told us the last time I talked to her that the community based services , which I don't even understand, we're denied because we live in a different county then the hospital and they will not come this far. She agreed that home based/community based was best. We informed her that when we tried to get a prior referral before seeing her requesting home based that we were told that the hospital did not service our county. She told me before she she saw him that was not true but now says the services were denied.

    His behavior is destructive towards property and occasionally people. I have more holes in the walls in my house then I can count and 2 broken windows. Not to mention countless misc items broken. He does not get along with others at all especially kids his own age and always assumes they will not like him or are out to get him so hits first etc.. He also does not get along with his siblings. He has 2 older sisters. One is 15 who he loves to death but now that she is a teenager and so busy he resents her. The other is 17 and they have never gotten along. He also clashes with his father quite frequently. My husband is very low on patience and quick to yell.

    Smetimes he just cries and cries cause he is unhappy and other times he just rages over really stupid things. He refuses to have anything to do with therapy right now and gets very upset if you try and talk to him because he keeps insisting we are telling him there are things wrong with him. Academicly he is way ahead. Straight As since we started home schooling. He reads on a college level and is already taking algebra in 6th grade.

    He has a very hard time following rules, changing tasks and staying focused. He also hates to do anything he does not like. He is afraid of dirt and germs and takes multiple showers a day and will wash his hands raw sometimes. He refuses to sleep in his own room and is still very much afraid of the dark. One he gets upset it is very hard to calm him and you can see how frustrated he is. He acts out in public if he does not get his own way displaying very antisocial behavior.

    Today he had a huge meltdown because he was upset with my oldest daughter's friend. My son is overweight because he eats when upset and no matter what I do unless it's hiding food he will find it. Today somehow the kids were talking about sea animals and my son got called a whale and you would have thought world war 3 had started. By the time I got upstairs he was done raging and was just standing in the hallway crying. I sent my daughters friend home and it took several hours to get him calm again. Then he asked to go to Nana's which is his typical place of escape when in trouble because she does not know how to say no. He was so upset I let him go. Then I cried for hours. I think sometimes the oldest and my husband both push his buttons figuring if they make him mad he will want to go to Nana's and it will be quiet for a bit. He idolizes daddy but daddy is always busy or annoyed with his behavior so all the discipline and dealing with issues falls on me.

    Now on to my own issues! I have struggles with anxiety and depression my entire life. The worse of it being in the last 6 years. In April of 2010 I was injured at work and forced to take time off. I had been with Toys R Us for 10 years and had been the sole working parent all those years so I panicked. I slipped into a depression and was diagonised with Agoraphobia, depression, anxiety disorder and panic disorder last summer. I have been home with the kids full time since then. Iam so worn out and confused now. I want to know how to help my child.

    To top it all off in November his Nana had a double brain anrysum. My son was with her at the time and called 911 and it's probley the only reason she is still with us today. She spent 6 weeks in the hospital and my son blamed hisself because he had had a really trying day with school work that day and was very verbally abusive to Nana. She had always done his school work because I worked full time. Everything got knocked out of wack then and he had to work with me which was a huge adjustment. I enjoyed it and really loved having him home all day. After Christmas break he started going to Nana's more as she felt up to it. I was pressured by hubby to let her resume school work because she missed it. I agreed to do half and half as I was not as confident teaching the math and she really still needs a lot of rest. For the last 2 weeks however he has refused to do school work with me and has done it all with her but his behavior has been more explosive when he is at home because he has to follow the rules and he has to share his parents with his siblings. When he is at Nana's he gets sole attention. He has also become very hyper senstive about his weight since I started trying to teach him about food and I stopped buying processed foods. He loves to cook do I thought he would enjoy learning about good foods and healthily recipes but instead he got angry. He keeps sneaking snacks at Nana's too.

    Sorry to be so long winded Iam just so frustrated! I also really needed to vent tonight I think.

    Thank you!
  2. zaftigmama

    zaftigmama New Member

    God, poor you. And your poor kid. I was teased about my weight and it still hurts to think about.

    So. I'm new here too, but I wanted to reply and say welcome and somebody with more knowledge will be around shortly.

    My son does a lot of the same things (overreacts, rages, etc) so I'm sympathetic on that score. The stuff about your husband jumps out at me. Maybe your husband could use some counseling to deal with his feelings towards your son. Why were you the sole working parent for ten years?

    I have to say--I know this probably isn't all of it, but--I wouldn't discount the medical stuff too quickly. Yes, the surgeries aren't anything new, but as he gets older he gets more awareness of what's going on and more fear. Does the hospital have child life specialists to talk with him about these feelings?

    Have you consulted with your county's mental health office?
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm going to go out on a limb here, and ask if you have ever considered that he may have an attachment disorder?
    NOT the extreme radical stuff, but rather, some form of insecure attachment... which can happen in kids with serious medical problems.
    I haven't walked that road - the serious medical problems road - but we have had to "re-attach" with a kid who went off the rails due to un-diagnosed major problems... which of course there was no help for without knowing what the problem was.

    If the problem is insecure attachment, the approach needs to be very, very different than trying to parent "defiance". Normal parenting techniques do not work.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi. wow you guys have been through a lot. I wonder about ptsd with him too??? those tests have lead to big surgery and pain for him so could that be part of it?

    The other thing that jumps out at me is maybe something happened during or after surgery... did he suffer a brain injury that they did not pick up on? I would want to see a neurologist to make sure that the sudden change when he had surgery was not the kick start to something. Sounds super suspicious to me and if I got a client who gave me this history I would for sure refer for neuro. I would recommend a pediatric neuro not a general and one who has experience working with brain injury, not the seizure specialists, etc. They tend to blow off kids like that, oh, they may do an eeg, but then if nothing shows...they dismiss you. I think an MRI and/or pet scan could be really useful to you. Just MHO of course.

    OF course regardless, you have some pretty serious stuff going on and I can really relate. A neuropsychologist evaluation will help you sort through the emotional and family history, the medical history, and these specialists help connect what is going on between behavior and how our brains work, both emotionally and medically/developmentally.

    No worries about being "long winded" if you get kicked off for that I and several others would be too. We all express ourselves differently and the fact is, there is a LOT to talk about here!

    He is a danger to you and himself, he will feel terrible about himself it sounds so it is wonderful you are seeking help. HUGS to you and your family!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow. Your son has been through sooooooooooooooo much. Poor little guy. It will help refresh our memories when you post, if you do a signature like I did below.

    Is it possible that during the surgery, anything happened...such as maybe a short time when he didn't get oxygen? I know that adults who have heart surgery often have depression...I am not sure if it is medical or psychological.

    Is your son on any new medications from the surgery that may cause him to feel sad or depressed or angry? Or is he on any medications at all? I'm taking a wild and maybe wrong guess that the medical stuff might have something to do with his downhill spiral. Does he have to limit his activity due to his heart surgery?

    I really feel bad for you and your baby. My son had open heart surgery as an infant, but none since then so I have never really gone through this. All of us will do what we can to support you and try giving you suggestions...maybe something will ring a bell. ((((Hugs))))
  6. Sarmandak

    Sarmandak New Member

    Thank you do much for all your comments. I am still processing everything I have read. I see my therapist for 90 minutes each week and we spend 30 of that going over things with the kids. I am going to ask her what she thinks about a possible attachment disorder and about neuro testing to make sure everything looks the way it should with his brain. I do not have the report from the doctor he saw in November. She is refusing to release it unless we come into the office to see her and get it. My husband had a fit because she will not be treating him so why should he waste gas to go into the city to get it. I do not drive and both time we went into the city to see her beforewere a huge struggle for me. I am still trying to figure this one out. Meanwhile Jan 27th we have an appointment with a local agency the doctor referred us to that can do community based services however I am very uneasy about him not being treated at Children's. So is is Nana who has fought us tooth and nail on medications. We all wanted him seen there because all his cardiac care is done there and it's a wonderful hospital. He does not need any medications for his heart currently. He takes 20mg of Prozac once a day. .5 mg of rispadal once a day and 1 mg of cogentin once a day. He does not show any side effects. Actually he sleeps better now then he ever has as long as he is in our room at night or in Nana's room when he is at her house. The doctor who prescribed his medications wanted to increase his rispadal to 3 times a day and his cogentin to twice a day but we refused because she has been writing his refills without seeing him and I was not comfortable with her changing things and wanted another opinion. Today he had a beautiful day. Happy and affectionate. I only had to correct him once or twice all day. He got restless some and as it got late in the afternoon he wanted to spend the night at Nana's again. He went to her house at 4 and called me 6 time between 5 and 9 just to talk and tell me what he was doing. He said Grampy made them grilled cheese and fries for dinner. He seems to always have really good days after he has a really bad one.
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2012
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It is not unusual to not release a report without seeing you.

    However, they "may" release it to someone else who is seeing you... if that makes sense?
    For example, a psychiatrist or therapist actively treating your difficult child, may be able to request (with your written permission) a copy of the report that was done, even though you have not seen it yet.
  8. Sarmandak

    Sarmandak New Member

    I will add that to my list of questions for my appointment on Tuesady. My therapist still has an open file on difficult child 2 so may be able to request it.
  9. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Lord honey your life is like mine. My oldest daughter doesn't lash out like ur son but she is very destructive. She has cut my sons hair, destructed the inside of my car, window blinds etc. It makes u feel helpless and hopeless when u see ur child like this and u just don't know what to do.
    Emotionally u and I are very similar. Since 2007 I have went up and down with depression. I can't sleep and I can't eat and when I lost my mom I was so desperate to sleep, rest and stop crying throwing up and having diarrhea I accidentally over dosed on ambien. I had never took it and the night I took the pill I developed ambien amnesia and I kept taking the pills and not realizing it. I don't remember but when I woke up in icy the doctors initially thought it was intentional but when I explained that I didn't remember taking the initial dose but it was apparent I had bc my fiancé found me unresponsive in our bedroom on the floor and 17 ambien missing. He works 12hr shifts and we determined from 7pm to 7 am I had consumed them and tried to cook. I had cracked eggs and poured cereal everywhere. What I had was a rare side effect and I'm lucky to be alive. I know how I feel emotional wise and I feel we are alike with this. Women now a days are a family's backbone and we feel we have to be tough for everybody and all that does is neglect our own emotional sense of well being. If u need to talk please msg me and if u want my cell to text I will be more than happy to give u my number.
    Take care and stay positive <3
  10. Sarmandak

    Sarmandak New Member

    I think what I struggle the most with right now with the kids is feeling I have done something to screw them up. Out of 3 kids only my middle child gives me no trouble at all. How is this possible? I have so any questions and no answers.

    Can some explain what community based therapy means? I am very anxious about allowing strangers in my home because it looks like a war zone most days. All the walls need holes fixed and repainted. We ripped most of the carpet our last summer due to damage and spills it had endured in the last 6 years. We could not afford new carpet so 90% of the floors are just unfinished hardwood which is not nice to look at. Broken windows and several wall spots where difficult child 2 has written or drawn on them etc..

    I guess Iam afraid of someone saying I am not good enough to care for him and taking him away. I love my son even on his very worst days I want him home with me. My children are my life and my reason for getting up each day.

    difficult child 2 is at Nana's again today. He did come home after finishing his lessons but then He got fixated on playing a game with her and could not refocus on anything else. He called and asked Grampy to come back and get him. I think sometimes I feel like a failure because he has days when he prefers Nana.

    Nothing makes any sense.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    gosh I am sorry for your hurts....

    I will say this... EVERY single kid in my sisters have five between them and I have one... every single one would rather be with nana or at grandpa/grandma M's houses. Really they dont spoil them or anything... just that they are grandmas and a grandpa.

    I know it is different in ways from your situation partially because their time at home (except my son) is not volatile....but it does make sense. Usually nanas and papas dont have to do any of the discipline and limit setting.

    My house is always a disaster. I have a hole and stuff on the walls from Q throwing water colors on the walls and his dirty hands all over. I wash them but the stuff sinks in. Our carpet is old, I clean it but it is old rental carpet so not pretty by any means.

    Look, if it is safe, how it looks does not matter. NO WAY CPS would even take a call about decor! Now, if it was cold in winter, garbage all over, etc...(and it could be, still not criticizing...) then it is time to fix those things.

    My son only does community based things... they could stay home but we dont really need that as much as a break from each other so they go out and do things in the community and he learns to order and pay for things himself. He needs to know how to wait in lines. He needs to go up and down elevators ok... etc. When at a place with other kids he learns to talk appropriately, to take turns etc.

    It is so nice to have that break, I used to get all hung up on the goals... now I realize that just having that routine for him and his getting out with them gives us a stress break from each other and so when we are together things go better.

    Hope it goes ok... HUGS
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard! You have found a wonderful support system. As mentioned before we are diverse and often try to help from different perspectives but it is a "soft place to land". Before I start asking questions I'm offering supportive thoughts.

    Does he have explosive episodes when he is with his grandparents? (Yes, I am a grandparent who has raised one grandson from birth and another for eight years or so.) If so have they seen a pattern for his behaviors at their house? I'm not trying to trigger anxiety but a few of our parents have found that their difficult child's just can't function well in a household with the normal chaos that comes with full family activity. Being an "only child" in a quiet environment can result in more normal functioning. It is great that he knows he is loved in both homes.

    Have any of the experts done a neuro/psychological examination? If so did it indicate multiple dxs? Some of us have been surprised to discover that our difficult child's were not completely diagnosed prior to the N/P exam.

    I'll save you from one of my very long posts and end this one by saying I am sorry that your family is having to cope with so much stress but you evidently are a loving dedicated Mom and your difficult child is lucky to have you seeking all the input you can find to help him live a happy life. Hugs DDD
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just thought about you and wondered how you're doing. Hugs DDD
  14. Sarmandak

    Sarmandak New Member

    Thank you.. Your comments really help put some things in prospective. The house is safe its just not nice to look at! I get rather self conscious about that. Especially since I am home all the time now I still find it hard to keep up.

    I think my biggest fear with community/public situations is that he will get himself in a lot of trouble with unacceptable behavior and not really comprehend the conquences. He is in kinda do then think mode. Sometimes it seems like when he is really angry he just does not get that what he is doing is not right. My husband however does not agree and thinks when he is angry that he is in complete control. My husband has little faith in psychology and does not really buy into mental illness. This has made this process a little difficult because he has little patience with the kids.

    He does have explosive episodes at both houses but they tend to happen more at home. I do agree that he does seem to function better in the quieter environment at Nana's. He does clash quite often with his father and oldest sister when at home. I think my biggest concern about him spending so much time away from home is that he is not learning to get along with the family unit. He also displays little patience with me after he has been over there more and is more demanding in his requests. For instance I expect when he is home that he does things for him self that he is capable of doing where as at Nana's he is waited on hand and foot. The instant he does not get his own way he wants to go to Nana's. Now if he is in trouble I do not allow him to go until he is calm and any loss of privileges he receives is relayed to Nana as well. When he is upset-angry I let him go simply because if he has clashed with his oldest sister or his father I see him struggle so much to calm down and regain control that I think its better to remove him from the situation. I just feel like I have failed when that happens. Our home is very loud and chaotic a lot of the time.

    My oldest difficult child 1 is moody, stubborn and can be a little obsessive. She is 17 and not always a nice person to deal with. With her however she is very disrespectful to people but she is not violent or destructive. She has a temper and has been diagnosed with ADD in the last year. She has problems following the rules and giving conquences seems to do little good. Part of that I think is being a teenager and part of it is just her temper. It is her mouth and her mean streak that bother me the most. She will pick on difficult child 2 just to make him mad.

    He saw a doctor at Children's Behavioral Health Clinic in November. I do not have a copy of the report yet. (That is a whole other problem) however when I spoke to the doctor on the phone she told me that she diagnosed him with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Mood Disorder-not otherwise specified and Conduct Disorder. She is recommending community based services which the hospital can not offer us because we live 40 minutes away and they do not service our county. He also had a screening at the Autism Clinic at Children's back in July of 2010. That is how we got our referal to the Behavioral Clinic finally. I do have a copy of that report but did not agree with a lot of what the woman said. She made some comments in the report that were completely false from what she was told and also when describing his physical appearance noted he did not wear glasses but he does and was wearing them the whole time. His behavior that day was pretty horrid so I was concerned that he did not get a unbiased and complete exam. Originally my therapist had refered him there for possible Aspergers. The clinic did not agree and sent us to the Behavioral clinic instead. I just feel like in the last 2 years we have been run around so much! Now we have to see someone new again because Children's can not provide the recommended services.

    Can you explain to me what a Neuro exam consists of? The doctor who saw him has her PhD in Psychology. It lists her as a Clinical Child Psychologist. We had to bribe him to get him to participate in the testing because it took 2 visits of 4 hours each. He is so opposed to participating with any of this and gets so upset because he thinks we are all implying that he is broken etc..
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have not read every response because I wanted to urge you to please consider that something may have happened during that surgery that you are unaware of. My son was born with 2 easily corrected urinary issues. He had surgery at 22 mos to correct them and the docs botched it. We were told that the 2nd problem would have to be redone because the anesthesiologist didn't pay attention and realize that they were doing two procedures at once (I know he was told verbally six times and it was written in at least 4 places that he signed that he had read - because I saw/heard that!) so they had to stop early because they gave him a medication that they couldn't give a second time and it was shorter acting than they needed. Two weeks after the surgery Wiz saw a dr on tv in a mask and curled up into ball holding his privates crying hysterically that "surgy hurts surgy hurts" over and over. One nurse told me that he WOKE UP during the 2nd operation and they didn't tell me because they didn't want to be sued. The hospital tried to not give me the surgical notes but I insisted and they were worded VERY carefully but it was clear to me that it happened. Esp when the surgeon turned so white when I told him the joke they were telling in the OR when Wiz woke up - VERY VERY DIRTY adult joke. He stammered and left the room and refused to come back in after that. The docs all SWORE that there was NO WAY that anyone, even an adult, could know that stuff or have ANY memories because the medications make you not remember. BS. Wiz remembered it all very clearly and was able to tell anyone who would listen what happened. It was super hard to get the surgery redone, but it HAD to be redone. How do you EVER trust someone after that? We moved and had a very reputable children's hospital do the repair, but it was still super hard. He had a problem and we had to go to the ER for help with it after the 2nd surgery and the ER doctor wanted to do something with-o giving him any medications. Well, my mom was with me, and that doctor thought he had two lionesses with a threatened cub when he came toward my son with-o giving him any medications for pain. We scared the daylights out of him - Gma actually GROWLED at him and I only heard that once as a kid wehn a doctor was going to hit my bro for "whining" when bro was in a lot of pain. My mom just NEVER acts that way, but we were NOT going to allow it and he thought he could jsut push us aside. He got a more senior doctor and that doctor was also mad at him for not listening and for MAKING us growl. It is the main reason we liked the hospital.

    There is EVERY possibility that your son could have neuro complications from the surgery or even remembers what happened in the surgery or vague bits of it. Heck, I remember several procedures that the docs were shocked I remembered. Some of my records from when I was a teen have notes to NEVER tell dirty jokes during surgery because patient tells her mom all of them! I guess I should have expected my son to remember at least as much as I did.

    I don't know what esle is going on, but I do think you have a complicated kiddo. I would get the neruopsych to test him- neuropsychologist NOT clinical psychologist. Neuropsychs have a lot of extra training in how the brain affects behavior. they do a LOT of testing and can help identify all sorts of problems.

    Are YOU getting help for your problems? I know it is hard, but if you don't get help then you can't help him. Please be carefulw ith diazepam. Use of it for longer than 4-6 weeks CAUSES depression in most people. LOTS of psychiatrists seem to not realize this but it is in a LOT of the literature. I ran into that at one point. Other benzos don't usually do that, so if they could change to temazepam, lorazepam, alprazolam, or another benzo you might have a LOT of improvement. Also, there is a medication called fluvoxamine, brand name luvox, that is prozac on steroids, basically. It is a MUCH stronger version of fluoxetine, so if the fluoxetine is helping but not enough, you might ask about that. Just be CAREFUL with this type of medication and taper off slowly - most docs do NOT taper these medications slow enough to handle withdrawal. If you add a different medication that is an ssri/snri antidepressant and increase it as you decrease the medication you are one originally, this can help.

    There is a LOT going on, and have you considered the girlfriend/cf diet? I know he sneaks snacks and has a weight problem. There are a LOT of kids who are helped by a gluten/casein free diet. It is not nearly as hard to do as it used to be. Mostly because there are awesome foods now that fit the diet because so many people have it. Food allergies CAN cause huge behavior problems and they are HARD to test for. Most allergy docs, if they are super honest, wiill tell you that they are so hard to test for and the only truly reliable way to know is to do an elimination diet (go with-o any food that can cause an allergy for 6 weeks) and then slowly add 1 food at a time back to see if the problems return. It isn't easy but it is do-able. My youngest was allergic to dairy and a lot of other stuff and we found that the tofutti products are amazingly wonderful. Their cream cheese really IS better than cream cheese and I had to fight to keep my other kids from eating it all the day I bought it. The tofutti cuties ice cream sandwiches are even better, and they are as good as some of the super premium ice creams (and I HATE health food so to say this means it doesn't taste ANYTHING like health food) and those I would actually sneak into the house and put into an empty box of brussels sprouts or asparagus in the freezer because otherwise the kids at the whole box at one time!

    It is just a thought. My difficult child wasn't helped by the girlfriend/cf diet, but I know a lot of kids who are.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    First of all don't blame yourself. All of us have gone through stages of doing's not healthy and it's not productive. You have done your very best. You are still trying to find answers. You are a good Mom. It would be nice if we were all perfect, lol, but we love our difficult child's and are doing everything we can to help them function in a healthy way.

    I would assume that the examination he had was a neuro/psychiatric exam since it lasted eight hours. The reports include all kinds of test results and observations that can be helpful in identifying uniqueness. If it was a neuro/psychiatric it will address intelligence tests, analysis of developmental abilities, and the specific reasons why certain diagnoses seem indicated. Usually the report is lengthly and it is not unusual for the testers to want to share in person so they can answer questions. Sometimes the testing is done by only one professional but often it is done by a team that work together administrating the tests.

    It does sound, from your response, like your son functions better in a quieter environment. That is not at all unusual. Of course it wall sounds like he prefers to ping/pong to the home that best suits his needs or desires. Frustrating I'm sure. What has been the longest visit to Grandma's? Just a day or two?? or longer??

    Sorry that your husband and eldest are volatile and impatient. If it makes you feel any better many, many of the CD families have husband's who don't accept that difficult child's are unable to conform to their image of appropriate behavior. In fact, alot of them draw from their own childhoods and recall punishment as the cure for misbehaviors...sigh!

    Time for me to get back to work but wanted you to know that I care...and I have read your response. You have support here. Caring hugs. DDD