Ok, people are really getting gross...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Mar 1, 2011.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Alright, now I'm going to admit that I can be a little base now and again. I've got a warped sense of humor, I can tell a dirty joke as well as the next guy. I don't however, do it in writing (unless it's a private message on Facebook with one of my sisters or my brother), I don't sprinkle my every day conversations with the "f-bomb", I don't swear in front of my kids (ok, I'll let a dammit fly every once in a while), and I don't give the common man the idea that it's ok to talk to me about his, ummm, "all together's" if you get my drift.

    Why is it that everyone assumes that you're willing to jump in the sack? Is it the age (47?), is it the desperation? Is it just that the assumption is that if you're seperated, you just want to mess around and that caring, romance and feelings aren't supposed to enter into it?

    I've only been with my husband. That's it. No one before and no one after (ah, wedding night jitters!). As soon as you reveal that one of two things happen - you are a pariah OR a conquest. I'm short and round - not a great amount of self-esteem in the "fishing" world. But seriously, why is it that no one seems interested in cultivating a friendship and then a relationship anymore?

    I'm not looking for anything...I'm not even interested in meeting anyone right now - I've got enough on my plate - I don't need to add more laundry on top of everything else! Yuck!

    I guess I'll just stay in the stone age (I'll have to cut my hair - I don't want anyone dragging me around by my grey, ahem, I mean brown tresses!).

  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They are out there - you just have to be patient!! And blunt. Just tell them you are NOT interested.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Get a large purse - and I mean like grocery bag size.
    Get 8x10's of ALL YOUR CHILDREN.
    Put all of them IN YOUR PURSE.
    The next time you are out - and someone is pulling on your short...I mean your tresses.....
    Grab your bag, lay out the 8x10's....and on the back of each one - have a list of ALL THEIR SPECIAL NEEDS or WANTS


    When you pull the picture down? Presto - Empty chair across from you ---
    Resume your nice, quiet evening of uninterupted (whatever), tuck those lovely 8x10's back into your grocery sized purse....

    Carry On - MacBeth!

    Either that or invest in a PitBull.......
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It's definitely the MEN who have the issue...

    Even being married, I have been propositioned by men in yes, very gross ways - as though, as long as we were BOTH married it would be OK to fool around. Ugh! Gross...

    Get some class, guys!

    Obviously - these are NOT the kind of men you want to date.
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    It's one thing to goof around, or joke, but yeah, I know what you mean.

    I'm not looking - but they're still out there. I mean seriously, people - I'm married - says so on my profile page - my profile PICTURE is me and husband - so why try to "friend" me with a disgusting proposition?!

    Do people (men, women, aliens) really think this will get them anywhere? Or has technology just taken the politeness out of our society???
  6. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I find that most men will take a hint and some of my best friends are men who know I am not the least bit interested in them in any other way but it's the women who drive me crazy. I have "friends" who assume that there must be something wrong with me because I do not want a man in my life.

    been there done that I went to college in the late 60's - after the pill and before AIDS and we were all acting like a bunch of rabbits. Maybe I lost interest. LOL I was married, had 2 kids, and when I divorced ex, I was happy to be a loner. Perhaps it is because I was a happy only child. Perhaps it is because I lived alone until I got married when I was 33. Perhaps it is all of the drama of living with two difficult children. Perhaps it is just the way I am built. If I choose to live alone and not take a lover, please don't suggest that I need a psychologist or hormone therapy. Since when did sex become the be all and end all of our being? Leave me out!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have been married for a long time. Two decades in August of this year - YEA!!!! We made it!!!!!

    husband and I both have gotten very strange propositions at times. It isn't us - neither of us sends those vibes out. Online - the relative anonymity and not having the other party there to look shocked really HAS let manners fly out the window. It even gave them a boot in the posterior as they went. A recent blog that I read was from a sports writer on a national news service asking about this - not about propositions but about the outrageous things readers had commented. Comments not just about his lack of intelligence, but that he should be shot or set on fire or otherwise folded, spindled and mutilated simply because they didn't agree with what he wrote.

    He tracked down 3 of them and called them. In one case the writer was still in college and living with his mother. The writer asked his mother about it - if she was aware that he said things like that, if that was his general personality and reaction to the world, etc... Mom was not just appalled, she was FURIOUS. Words to the extent of I am paying for that internet and it may not work for much longer if he thinks he can use it for that, etc... The young man himself got on the phone unaware that mom had spoken with the writer - and was HORRIFIED to be speaking to someone he said should be killed because of an article about sports.

    Every single respondent that the writer contacted was super apologetic, did not want the writer to think they were "really like that" and said they got "carried away". So often I see responses like this to articles and blogs online. We seem to forget that WE are real people and we are speaking to REAL PEOPLE when we post things online. We are not talking to a computer or to 'the internet'.

    I vividly remember driving home late on night from visiting my aunt out in the country in OH (Bethel area if anyone know of it). I stopped for gas and took month old Jessie in with me to pay. Some guy stopped me in the parking lot with an incredibly vulgar, lewd NASTY proposition - wanted me to go with him right then, with my baby, cause he liked "new mommas". I was NOT feeling attractive. I was exhausted, feeling fat and frumpy, and generally not receptive to a "hi" much less what he asked.

    I actually had a hard time getting rid of him - until I said that if he didn't leave I was going to invest in a dollars worth of gas and a dollar lighter and apply both of them to his pitiful, disease ridden crotch.

    Then he was INSULTED!! The entire situation was more than I could comprehend. I went back into the store and got a chocolate bar for the drive home. It seemed the only possible response.

    husband occasionally finds himself cornered by some woman. He is oblivious to anything other than platonic friendships from them until they get really blatant (I find it hilarious and highly entertaining to watch, simply because he truly is oblivious to it until they go way too far!) and then he just wants to escape. Usually the ones who get really interested are scoping out the children's section of a bookstore or shop. They see him looking at kid stuff, with or with-o a child, and they pick him because he would be "such a great dad". Most are single moms, at least half don't realize he is shopping as much for himself as a kid, and at least 2.3 do not care that he is married. About 1/3 do not care that I am in the store - until I walk up. Those are the ones who try to befriend ME - some even ask if I would meet them for coffee sometime.

    They are shocked and HURT when I tell them that I don't make friends with people who proposition married men - esp not MY married man! They are the ones who don't suddenly recall something that they need to look at in another area. These women have actually tried to accuse me of having a dirty mind - after they have given every come-on learned in jr high except for the "bend and snap" from that Legally Blonde movie! The "hurt and misunderstood" act usually ends in a huff when I laugh at them.

    I don't know why men think they are complimenting us when they proposition us for no strings physical encounters. Esp when they are crude and vulgar about it. Who WOULD want that (other than my bipolar hypersexual addicted exSIL?). Gee, I guess I answered that - the people who want what the nasty guys are proposing are just as sick and nasty as they are.

    I am sorry you have had to deal with that. Youa re not alone. Women ARE as bag as men, and often are far worse when speakign with other women. I have several friends who have told me I am the only woman they know who hasn't offered to fix them up. I think other women are pushy with women for a couple of reasons. If they are insecure about their spouse/partner then they want the only woemn intheir world to be happily involved - then their men cannot stray. Or they are uncomfortable about their own activities and want you to do the same things because if YOU do it then it MUST be fine for them to do it also. (Cause you are sucha great person that if you slept around all the women are sleeping around.)

    Very very rarely it is because a woman is so happy with her relationship that she wants you to be as happy with someone as she has. I find this stage is very short - and usually a sign that the woman has some pretty major doubts about her relationship and the partner she has chosen.

    People are weirder than anyone else.
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    There is a whole group of men out there who assume that a woman who is newly separated or divorced must be desperate for male attention and sex so they volunteer their "services" and think they're doing you a favor! I mean, who could resist THAT, huh? Or they think that you are so vulnerable and shaken after a marital breakup that you will be an easy target for them to take advantage of! Oh, pleeeeeze!

    I've been divorced and on my own for fifteen years now and honestly, I've never been happier! The old saying, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" is very true! I decided long ago that I did NOT want the complications and stress that having another man in my life would bring. I had two absolutely HORRIBLE, stressful, damaging marriages and divorces and I will never take the chance on going through that again! There are many good, happy marriages out there and I do envy those people but it's not for me. When I was married and the kids were still at home, it seems like all I ever did was give and give and give and never received until there was nothing left of me! I didn't even feel like a real person any more. And now, my decisions are my own, my money is my own to spend as I see fit, 99% of the stress is gone, and for the first time I feel like my life is finally under control. I have my pets and I keep busy and I am very, very happy being on my own.

    I'm not really against marriage but you see so many who marry for all the wrong reasons. A lot of women feel like they're nothing unless they have a man in their life - and any man is better than no man! Gak! Or they marry because it's easier and more acceptable to be part of a couple. Or they marry for financial reasons or to have a "daddy" for their kids or so they will always have a date for New Years Eve! Nope! Not for me!
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    There's plenty that also figure that a recently divorced or separated person is rebounding, ergo looking for some no-strings-attached fun. Some are, some do, and plenty also don't.

    I'm a natural flirt, it's my version of small talk. I adore puns and double entendres, and it sometimes appeals to my sadistic side, too. Doesn't mean I'm in the least bit interested in the person I'm talking to in that way, though. It's just how I talk. I know a number of women who are the same way - we're not great at small talk, so this is how we communicate. I'm also used to being around men who are the same way, often guys old enough to be my father or even grandfather, or young enough to be legal but way too young for me. It's casual banter and often a way to make someone smile and brighten their day a little bit, and I rarely have guys take it the wrong way (some are oblivious, yes). Those who think I'm serious are informed otherwise, i.e. "I need a signed and notarized permission slip from your current wife, delivered by her in person, before I can even consider your offer." Said line also delivered with a smile, but a cooler smile. Because yes, I've been duped into going out with guys that were married or otherwise attached and no one told me until later. And yes, I was VERY insulted when a mutual friend said "I thought you knew." Floored, in fact. It's like... obviously, you don't know me. If I'd known, I wouldn't have gone! But I made and am still friends with that guy's now ex-wife.

    P.S. To run some off, I'm not above telling them that I don't think they have a high enough pain capacity for me. ;)
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Haozi...you are a trip! I think we would be great friends in the real world...lol. I tend to have a self-deprecating sense of humor. Also down here in the south, people are very friendly. Everyone is honey, babe, darlin, sweetie, sugar, or some other such name if we dont know your actual first name and sometimes even if we do! I think nothing of being called honey or baby or if Tony calls the waitress darlin when we are out. He is a very friendly guy and people are forever doing nice things for him like giving him stuff from stores. I know they arent trying to get in his pants...lol. One clerk at a gas station even baked him a cake for his birthday...lol. Yeah we are a small town and that was the place all the vans picked up in the mornings.

    I think it is the person individually myself. Some folks are stupid. Some arent.

    When I was younger and pregnant with my first son I had a bunch of idiot boys circling the car my mom and I were riding in trying to get my attention. Because I was sitting down you couldnt tell I was pregnant so I still looked pretty good. Back then, when I got pregnant I was 5'8 and 125 so I only had the baby belly. Not like I am now. Well I jumped out of the car and yelled "Thats them maw, thats the boys who got me pregnant!" You should have seen how fast a car could peel out of a parking lot...lmao.

    Since you said you are rather round...maybe you should peer really closely at the man who is trying to get into your pants and pat your tummy and say to him "Havent I met you before? I am a few weeks pregnant and I could swear I have met you before!" LOL.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I do the same thing... Spent the first 1/3 of my life in West Texas, though, so that could be where that comes from.

    My friends have learned to deal...
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I've got to tell you, I was never more surprised than I was the other night. A friend of mine has a houseguest staying with her. He stays on and off with she and her husband, so I've known him for about a year.

    My phone rang and 12:30 the other night and it was him. Can I come over and visit? No, I'm in bed. I'll visit you there! No you wont.

    The next thing is, he's talking about how "you're such a good person, I've been telling you that since I met you. You're a great mother to your kids, you're intelligent, you've lost a lot of weight, you looked great before but wow, you look great (yeah, right!). I've gotten to have feelings for you and want to take things to a different level." Now mind you, he's 61 years old, doesn't like to wear his dentures, drinks A LOT, and when he gets drunk he "dirty dances" all over the place.


    I'm trying to be nice - he lost his wife a little over a year ago and it's been rough. I explain that I haven't had time to even think about my current situation because of all the other stuff going on in my life so thanks but no thanks.

    I kid you not, the next thing you know, he's talking about the immediate state of his alltogethers (if you know what I mean).

    I just don't get it. I just don't get it.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea if Tony called any of you by your names or not...lol. He may have just kept his mouth shut! My kids are so southern that you would think they were Conway Twitty "Hello Darlin"
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...Does your friend know about this???
  15. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I've been single a looooooong time. Trust me, the only requirements are that you are female and breathing.

    I was playing blackjack on Pogo last night. Started my own table and this guy comes in. I didn't even say hi. I was tired, not chatty, and didn't want to give the impression that I cared. LOL Then he starts making innuendos. I looked at his profile and he's 65 years old. He's older than my parents. I ignored him. Then a lady came him and she was egging him on. She was 67. I felt like I needed a shower. But seriously, he has no idea what either one of us looks like. Reminded me why I don't go into the uncensored chat game rooms.

    When I was younger, I would try to be tactful and polite. It was hard to be "rude" face to face. Until I realized that they obviously don't care how they're making me feel. Now I just ask, "Why do you think you can talk to me that way?" They really don't like that. Women getting uppity and all. ;)

    If all else fails, tell them that you've been throwing up all day/night. That gets rid of them fast.

    Personally, I prefer men at a distance - nice to look at, but they ruin it once they open their mouths.
  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree that technology has made us ruder as a society, but it's not just the guys that make the moves. Hubby's FB profile picture seems to attract young women, and he gets the most bizarre friend requests from those who can pose in strange positions. His current picture is of the two of us, but that apparently means nothing.
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I call a lot of people "Hon". I'm terrible with putting names and faces together, it's much easier to call everyone "Hon" or what have you. I grew up down south, but not Deep South, and one thing I remember is that a lot of the "friendliness" I encountered was stunningly superficial. Not that I didn't know a lot of people who were genuine about it, but most of them were in my grandma's age range, the ones in my parent's age range down to mine were something else entirely. Most of them would call it "being polite" and maybe it is, but to my eye and ear it was dishonest because I saw how they talked behind the backs of the people they'd just greeted so "politely". Is this a normal thing, and just some social norm that I don't get?

    And I think you're right we'd get along in real life! (You never accepted my FB request...hint hint).
  18. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I have seen this the other way around. My H, who has cheated in the past, has a FB account. On it, he states that he is married and our children are his friends. I don't have an account. You would NOT believe the propositions he has gotten from MARRIED women, even a couple whom I have spoken to on the phone. One was so persistent that I actually found out where she lived and all about her H and her kids and told her that I would have a PI deliver all of her emails and notes to MY H to HER H! She complained to my H that I was being mean to her and that I was psycho. He finally blocked her after I asked him if she was worth dragging into divorce court. I know for a fact that he had not seen this person since JUNIOR HIGH and we are in our 50's!

    H's FB picture is him with one of our dogs and his albums are filled with our kids so it isn't like he's out there advertising.
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2011
  19. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    No. He asked me not to say anything - he doesn't want OUR friendship (mine and his) to be damaged by him talking about his feelings. I don't mind him talking about his feelings - it's everything ELSE that he's discussing that is gross. I don't need to know his "vital" statistics, its current status, or what he's thinking when he goes to bed at night...can we say "eeeeewwww"?

    Can we say "tooooo much information"?

    Honestly, she's always hinting about what a great guy he is, what a great cook he is, he'd give you the shirt off his back, he thinks you're special, etc.

    They stopped by tonight (I picked up some stuff for her at BJ's) and it was the kiss hello, asking about difficult child 1, playing with the baby. Ugh. It was like a commercial.

    Again. Can we say "eeeeewwww"?

  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    He asked you not to say anything?????

    Then he KNOWS he's gone WAYYYYYYY beyond the borders of good taste. I'm sorry, but that's creepy to me. VERY creepy... May want to tell your friend that she might think he's a great guy and all, but he creeps you out.