Old behavior surfaces but he changes the outcome

Fran

Former desparate mom
Finally.
I jinxed difficult child by mentioning that he has been going to work and doing ok.
Sat. AM he was sounding less than enthused.
I got the call 2 hrs later. He wasn't happy with the job he got that day and wanted to quit. He was doing the old negativity talk that usually precipitates a disaster of difficult child type magnitude.
I launched into mom speak of how they were counting on him. How he promised he would do what he had too. Yadda,yadda,yadda.
I tried to remind him of how he needs to handle things like a man and stop whining.
Anyhow,as I was sweating that he would quit, I did the old "if you do the same things you always did, then the results will be the same". I begged him to talk to the manager about his issues and deal with them as an adult. Even if he quits it has to be done properly so that he can use them as a reference and he learns how to act like an adult.

Second phone call. He told the manager that he might need to resign. :hammer: He was a little calmer but I talked about what he had to lose and how if he couldn't keep a job because of his negativity, that he was proving that he could not live on his own. I was pretty calm but husband and I fully expected he was going to get fired or he would walk off the job.

4 o'clock came and went. difficult child said he spoke again to the manager about the issues with the people in the back. It was a very positive and productive conversations. He changed his normal destructive behavior and it worked!!!!!!!I was so relieved.
Even if in the end, he doesn't stay with this job, he learned to problem solve and not sabotage himself.

Today was a good day in the Ms. Fran household.

As a side note, difficult child said to not be too optimistic since he usually screws up the positive behavior. :smile: I did laugh out loud.
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
That's great, Fran. It is certainly a step in the right direction. He showed restraint and impulse control Those are always good things for our difficult children.

Remember how we were going to play matchmakers for our difficult children and set them up for a nice married life in a neutral state?

Well, my difficult child is still single. Is your difficult child ready yet?

~Kathy
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Fran

Great redirection! :bravo: I bet you and husband were sweating bullets til you heard the outcome.

Redirection only worked for T for more than a year. Now of course he regrets that he quit and how he quit. Now, after no one has so much nibbled at his applications anywhere else. :hammer: And he's going positively stir crazy around here.

hugs
 

Marguerite

Active Member
So what if he screws up later? He did it right THIS time, and that counts as a score in my book!

It's not like alcoholism, where you have to keep going every day and not 'fall off the wagon'. This is a notch on his bet, where he got it right. Even if he never gets it right again, he knows he did THIS time.

It's a start. Negativity does not have to be the rule.

Marg
 

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Fran,

It's sinking in! All that time, repetition; all the blood, sweat & tears to get difficult child to this point. It's sinking in!

I'm happy for you & husband - you both have done a good job.

:bravo: difficult child for sticking it out & using coping skills. :smile:

Thanks for sharing this, Fran.

 

KFld

New Member
Well, it sounds like one big life lesson you have taught him has sunk in. Good for him, and you and husband of course. Hopefully he will stick with the job!!
 
F

flutterbee

Guest
The more positive reactions he has to his positive behavior, the more it will sink in.

Thanks for the update. :bravo:
 

Suz

(the future) MRS. GERE
difficult child said to not be too optimistic since he usually screws up the positive behavior
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Well he did great then and has experienced how well it worked- good for him! :thumbsup:

Suz
 

Sunlight

Active Member
fran, your son is making progress. your love of him helps him along the way. he can even laugh at his own personality at times.
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
That is so cool! He did change his way and got a different outcome. Wonder if your words replayed in his head. I hope so, I hope they repeat like a broken record!
LOL!


:bravo: difficult child!!
 

PonyGirl

Warrior Parent
Good Job, MOM! I know it's been said already, but it deserves to be said again :bravo:

I got a kick out of difficult child's comment, too. Tells me he's got some sense of humor / reality about the whole deal, which in my book is healthy!

Hope things continue to move positively.

Peace
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!
I've got my fingers crossed for the job and the behavior, long term. I'm chanting a mantra and sending it your way.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Thanks guys. He wasn't such a negative person before and he sure wasn't a whiner/complainer. He takes pride when it turns out right but it's like he thinks it was magic and that his input has nothing to do with it. Just as if when things are awful, he doesn't see that he influenced the negativity. It's simply not his fault.

Kathy, I'm ready to fix the two of them up. LOL. Maybe we can just find an apt. building where your daughter, katmom's son, my son, Daisylover's son and all the "unique" young adults can live and help each other with work and problem solving. It was once a fantasy. We know there is a need. Independent living with just a bit of supervision. Normal young adult life with some supports. Somewhere that allows them to feel like the mainstream but helps them blend in.
Anyone wnat to be a housemother? </span>
 

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Fran,
How very cool for difficult child :bravo:and for you! :princess:He made a great choice thanks to you!!

Maybe we should send our little difficult children for the older difficult children to take care of :rofl:
 

everywoman

Active Member
LOL--I would not take that job---but maybe one of our gfgmoms or dads---I know many of us have one--would be perfect for the job. I'll volunteer mine if we house them in another state!!!!
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
There is not enough money in the world to make me be that housemom!!!!

But, I will send my difficult child there in a heartbeat!
 

Loris

New Member
What a great post! It shows not only how hard you've worked,but what a great job of it. I'm so glad it's helped and what a great sense of humor about it. I had to laugh, too!
 
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