OMG. Now Jumper is crying over J. And I can't do anything

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jun 23, 2012.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The real reason she was so contentious last night was J. She misses him a lot.They were very close and, even with his problems, she loved him. She is now cuddled under the blanket she made him (that he gave back) and the pictures of them that she has. She no longer even wants to go out. She is just crying like her heart is going to break. I tried to talk to her, but she won't talk.

    It is so hard to be helpless. I wish I was one of those mothers who could just tell myself it will all be better one day. I wish I didn't feel my children's emotions as they go through things. I think it would be different if Jumper was boy crazy. Girls like that are always in angst over some guy. But this was Jumpers one and only so far and she has no interest in anyone else. She does not get over boys quickly (as my other daughter Julie today/gone tomorrow). Jumper is crying very softly like she really didn't want anybody to know she was feeling so bad.

    Maybe I'll tell my hub to buy her some ice cream. That's what we do when she's sad.

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ice cream is a splendid idea!

    Does she have a favorite movie? You and her could sit, devour ice cream, and watch it together..........

    It's hard to watch your child in pain, even when you know that one day they'll get past it. And she will, given time. She might not date right away, which honestly can be a good thing, but she'll get over him. She'll probably have a special place in her heart for him always. Unless the first love was just totally horrible, that's just the way it turns out to be. This is also part of growing up and maturing. (I admit a rather stinky part of it)

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What other soothing rituals do you have?
    In our house, these kinds of situations get met with back rubs, for example, which is a physical way of showing care, without the need for words.
    Both of our kids sometimes want their old baby blanket to snuggle up to "for comfort", or an old favorite stuffie.

    This isn't the last time Jumper will go through heartbreak.
    Is this an opportunity to show her the skills she has already, that will help her deal with it? Is this an opportunity to show how rituals and traditions can bridge gaps? To create new rituals or traditions, if necessary, so she has them next time?
    (and yes, ice cream can be one of those...)
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I couldn't sleep tonight. Between my son's divorce in Missouri and the kooky way his soon-to-be-ex is acting (especially taking my grandson out with her until all hours) and Jumper's angst I just kept watching "Tall Blond Hot" over and over again on the Lifetime I heard JUmper walking around upstairs so I went to see if she was all right and invited her downstairs which is cooler. Sometimes we just sit and talk and I know it soothes her. She started watching "Tall Hot Blond" with me and we made silly comments. She was clutching onto some pillow pets that Joe had bought her and was still wrapped in the blanket she had made him, but she responded well to the midnight chatting. Spending time with her is our biggest soother. Tomorrow my son has a Special Olympics Baseball Scrimmage and she can drive us (she has her permit) and spend time with both of us and cheer for her brother, whom s he adores. She seems to take comfort in knowing that we are with her and that we care. During the day, any outing that takes her out the house and distracts her is comforting to Jumper. She is the type of girl who does not really seek comfort in her friends. She doesn't tell him her angst so she keeps a lot inside. She is more apt to tell me, so our outings give her a chance to talk too.

    Once in a while she asks me to rub her She didn't tonight though.

    Thanks for responding. I over-worry about my babies, I know :)
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You don't have "to do anything". You just have to be there for her. She trusts and loves you. DDD
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I know you're very upset about the impending divorce, and Jumper's at an age that is difficult for EVERYONE around them. I'm worried that you are lingering on things that you can not change, and that those things are negatively affecting your life. What are you doing for your own well being? Your children need you to be strong at a time like this. Rather than needing you to worry or be angry on their behalf, they need you to show them that in spite of life's troubles we can live relatively pleasant and productive lives.

    Have you seen your therapist lately? From the outside looking in at your posts here - and I could be missing the good things that are going on in your life right now because you are not posting about them - it seems that you are letting their problems overwhelm you. Can you make an appointment and get an objective opinion from your therapist? You're not sleeping because of J, and the divorce, and Jumper's friends. All of these things that are outside of your control seem to be making you miserable. I know that for me, if I'm not careful and allow myself to get into a funk, the funk can quickly become a depression that I can't get out of. I worry that you are setting yourself up for a serious downward moodswing that you won't come out of. Your children need you to be healthy and able to help and advise them.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Poor thing, nothing we can do when our loved ones are going through heart break, but be there for them like you are. I love how you support her, she is a sweet girl.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Buddy. This is going to be a tough one.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I can actually remember a similar time in my life... Hon, just being there for her - even if it's in another room - helps.

    Ice cream is ALWAYS good. And (in my case) meatloaf & mashed potatoes...
  10. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    MWM how's jumper feeling? You both have been in my thoughts. Having 3 teenage girls, well 1 is now almost 22, I have seen many broken hearts. It is devastating when we can't take their pain away. I hope she is feeling a little more light hearted today.

  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and thanks.

    Jumper still misses him. Since she never confides her sadness to her friends (I have no idea why), she tells me about it. She's afraid he's depressed and will kill himself. He hasn't been willing to text her for three days and she doesn't know why.

    It's going to be a long, long separation and healing process. She is not interested in other boys.Other boys have expressed interest in her, but she isn't even a little bit interested back. Some are boys she used to like a lot.
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2012
  12. MWM- It's so hard to watch their young hearts break. I think you are a fabulous mother and are doing everything you can for her. Ice cream, comfort, distractions are all things that will help her through this. And maybe some snuggle time with the most important man in her life - Daddy. That's what always helps easy child when she is feeling down. I'm ok and we can talk but sometimes what she really needs is to climb into Daddy's lap and have a snuggle and a hug.

    Big hugs to you for all you are going through. It is tough to be the strong one for everyone else. I agree that you should see a counsellor or therapist so you can have someone to unload on and put things into perspective for you - like you are doing for your children.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, welcome. I'm feeling pretty useless right now. It's so hard to watch her pain at the same time Sportsfan (my oldest son) is going through a divorce. I have therapy today and I need it.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    MWM - remember that we are here for you, to whatever extent we can be, so you can "be there" for your kids...
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2012
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, IC :) You're all great.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi, sorry I'm so late. I hope that Jumper is doing better. It will be a long process. I'm glad you were/are able to be there for her but so sorry you are so very sensitive to it. It really does hurt.
    I hope the baseball scrimmage was fun, and a distraction.