On mental health intervention "overload" - just want to get off merry-go-round

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by recovering doormat, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Maybe some of you experienced moms can relate, but I'm at that point today after dealing with well-intentioned but sometimes contradictory social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, and because of our long-standing difficult child issues, state and juvenile justice court workers, that I just don't wanna do it no more.

    I have to take all three kids (two difficult child's and a easy child who is heading into difficult child territory because of her Adolescent Attitude and precocious sexuality) to meet with our behaviorist today. We had originally intended to meet twice a week but it just doesn't happen, mostly because she is just not availale (lives 45 mins. away and has kids). Tomorrow she has to meet with the state DCF workers in our area to tell them how we are doing as a family and what, if any, help we need.She is paid for by the state DCF to work primarily with difficult child 2, the "identified child" but because no difficult child exists ina vacuum, she is helping the whole family.

    Now, I like this gal a lot, in fact, we have probably undermined her role because she has become so close to us (she has three boys of her own, single mom like me, and a very cool lady who has a boat, animals on her property, and really likes my kids) that one she is done with her professional role, I could see us becoming friends. The kids and I have been to her home for cookouts, etc. and she hired difficult child 2 and his friends to do painting and work around the house. The past three or four months, however, have been particularly traumatic for us, with both difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 charged with disorderly conduct and difficult child 2 with-drug use, then easy child hinting that she had had sex with another 12 yr old, then denying it, etc., until my brain wants to explode. Haven't seen much of DCF s/w or this lady, and I'm almost irritated that I have to deal with them.

    Oldest child is living with-dad full time and going to school. She has emotional problems and is very immature but I am gradually letting go and letting her feel the consequences of her actions. Son is living with-dad full time and I am slowly developing the ability to tell him I'm done with him when he gets obnoxious (calls me names, refuses to do what I've asked). I have the leverage of not giving him rides or money or permitting him to visit me at my house, and "m getting better at it.

    Youngest child is my main focus now, so that she doesn't ignored as so frequently happens when you have difficult child's absorbing all the parental attention.

    I just want to be done with meetings and appointments, I just want to be a normal parent with a normal bratty 'tween on a short leash. I want to spend my time having fun and creating good memories for my kids instead of always rushing off to meet the psychologist or social worker.

    I'm praying that tomorrow DCF will just decide we're not worth it, and move on, and let us exhale.

    Okay, venting is over, time to fold the laundry. Thanks for reading!
  2. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Oh, forgot a P.S.:

    My last thread starter was a panic over my youngest's possible sexual involvement with a 7th grade boy she really likes. She has gotten her period since then but our appointment. with the Ob/gyn isn't for another two weeks. For the past three weeks I've had her on near lockdown, except for school and cheerleading, which is held at school and supervised. I can see that she is champing at the bit to be given more freedom, perhaps to spend time at a friend's house after school, or overnight.

    How do I know when it's time to ease up? She insists she isn't seeing the boy anymore, and insists that the rumor that she'd had intercourse with him was a complete fabrication by a jealous schoolmate. Can an experienced OB/gyn tell if she's a virgin? I always thought it was impossible to say for sure, since she has been using tampons for over a year and in some girls the hymen is missing entirely or only partially there. I've been thinking of putting her on Yasmin to control her horrible PMS symptoms, which also has the added benefit of contraception, but I don't want her to think that it's okay to have sex because she is protected. If the gossip I hear exchanged between her and her girlfriends is true, then oral sex (primarily) and intercourse (less frequently) are taking place between kids as young as 12. Mindboggling, to me.
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    It does get crazy with all the running around, especially when you don't really see anything positive to come out of it. But it does sound like your behaviorist is helpful. With the older 2 with their dad, maybe they will back off with all the monitoring. It ain't easy.

    Just read your second post, I would be very frightened with what she is going through, I am so not ready to have to deal with all of that. I do think it would be helpful to spend as much one on one time with her as possible and strengthen the communication ties as best you can.
  4. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    well I can relate, but I am still very thankful for my "justice League" of social workers, counselors and behavioral assistants. It took me a while but I finally have the best of the bunch and they rock, it also helps that they all come to me, here at the house, although my Dad is less then thrilled.
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2008
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. Sadly, I'm too drained at the moment to be of much help. difficult child 1 seems almost manic today. difficult child 2 is beginning his usual afternoon "melt-down." And, easy child (or I used to call her that - She is a typical teen with ATTITUDE PLUS) will be home from school soon.

    I know this doesn't help much, but I understand how you feel about the steady stream of tdocs, psychiatrists, social workers, etc... At the moment, I would love to toss my kids outside with "FREE" signs around their necks:mad:... And, along with them, all of the professionals too... I wish just one of their therapists had the opportunity to have even one of them for a 24 hour period, lol...

    OK, I'm sorry. This is your post. This is your vent. I just want you to know that think I understand. None of us envisioned our lives the way they're unfolding. I guess we just have to be grateful for whatever good moments we're able to have with our kids.

    Hang in there. I hope tomorrow is a better day. WFEN
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I too can totally relate to being tired of all the appts. difficult child sees two therapists, a psychiatrist, and another in home person. easy child sees a therapist and will start to see a psychiatrist soon. We are having monthly staffings on difficult child and montly meetings with his school. Not to mention my own therapist.

    So no real advice just want you to know I understand. Hugs.
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I feel the same way. Some days I turn off all of the phones and just stay in bed, all the while fantasizing that I am someone else. Someone with "normal" kids who are happy and going places in life. Then my difficult child comes in the room and reminds me that I am only dreaming as she curses me out because she cant find her damn brush!!!! Aaaah, back to reality. :(

    Hang in there. :)
  8. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Thanks for the hugs. I think I'm starting to enter the outer bands of menopause (I'm 48) and I got my period today and I just feel awful, like I want to jump out of my skin and choke someone. I also just started blood pressure medication and it's taken a few days for the lightheadedness to wear off. Plus I had a stomach virus. So you'll understand that I nearly pushed my toilet-mouthed 15 yr old boy out of my car after he called me a fat loser who should get a job (after I refused to drive him somewhere because we had a therapist appointment) and I chased my 12 yr old easy child (turning into typical teen) from the local convenience store to our house by car when she spotted me and took off, found her at home, then made her get in the car and drove her to her dad's to spend the night since she didn't want to live by my rules. I called her a ****, which I so regret right now. The anger got the better of me, and it's been bubbling and festering for weeks now because I don't know for certain what she has done but I can't rely on her to tell me the truth.

    Despite my ugly insult, she came back home to me tonight, calmed down, and we are friends again.

    Love and anger, what a corrosive mix sometimes. I just want normalcy. Ha!

    Never ended up meeting with behaviorist because the kids wouldn't cooperate, but she is speaking to DCF tomorrow to ask what services does the state think we need, if any. She has to put a positive spin on this because she's invested a year of herself. I hope they close our case and let us move on. One thing I would like to do is find a girls' group for my youngest to go to once a week, let by a therapist or facilitator, for middle school girls dealing with peer pressure.

    There is a parent facilitator at our public m.s. and I'm seriously thinking of approaching her and asking if we can start some kind of parent forum dealing with sex and drugs and peer pressure. Just the things my kid tells me that these 6th, 7th and 8th graders are into is so frightening, and I don't see other parents doing anything about it except trying to steer their kids away from some kids and towards others.