one of my dreams

[Jena]

hi

so, one of my dreams has always been to own my own horse. I was lucky enough years ago as a teenager to have a horse for a short period of time when i lived in another state. it was short lived but such an amazing and rewarding experience. Going to visit her everyday after school inbetween work, and weekends, etc.

I mean you only go around once, right?? I went on the a.s.p.c.a. website for our county tonight. I often go and look at animals, puppies, etc. i love love animals. If we had a house id' have alot more than just a kitten and our hamster pepper.

Well, there are 5 horses their looking for homes for. Apparentley they were abused by their owners and rescued by the unit. they are beautiful really beautiful. One is young, only 5 years old.

I know i haven't even started work yet, haven't gotten a paycheck tons of kid issues and all sorts of junk going on, the money it would cost to stable the horse and feed. i am not sure here in new york, yet i think we are pretty far out on island the rates may be lower than city where i previously was for years.

is it insane thought? i mean this is alot more than a puppy?? LOL. I want one so so bad. I'll never be able to purchase one, i'll never have that much extra cash on hand i just know it. Their giving them away.

I thougth of talking to boyfriend about it, yet is that right to do?? Hey i'm working and just started job so can i spend 600 a mos on stabling a horse??

I know I must sound crazy. When i saw these horses though, wow I pictured me and difficult child working on the horse together the benefit to her as well from it and even easy child.

ok so thoughts?? am I totally insane??

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes! No!

Don't count your chickens before they break from the gate. (LOL. I was never good at mixing metaphors.)
I have the same addiction. I stop by our local SPCA once a wk, and read the classifieds in two local papers every day. Why?
We are not getting another dog until spring. (At one point we had four big dogs. husband was not happy.)

As my husband puts it, when I stop by the SPCA, it's like an alcoholic going a bar. If I had more acreage, and the kids were grown and gone, and I won the lottery, I'd be the proud owner of every 4-legged creature from there to Sydney.

Don't let the warm, fuzzy feeling overtake you. Think about the stress you had recently with-your difficult child. Then, think about getting up super early to feed and water the horse(s), on the same day your difficult child gets the stomach flu and throws up all over the carpet. And throws a shoe through the window. And makes you REALLY late for work, a job you really, really want ... and want to keep. And your boyfriend is working overtime and can't help out.

(Is this having any affect on you? I'm holding smelling salts under your nose.)

Someone, like you, will buy those horses and give them a good home. There are lots of good people like you out there.

Right now is not the right time. You have so many balls in the air. All it takes is to drop one and they all fall.
Things are going pretty well for you. Keep it that way. Get a routine established.

Now, when I post about wanting another dog, you just cut and paste this note and change "horses" to dogs, and send it back to me, okay?

 

[Jena]

LOL i'm crying................... i know im nuts. ok but wait i wouldn't have to feed it the ppl at the place would. does that make it better??

 

[Andy]

That is a huge expense to take on. O.K. things to consider:

1. How far from home will the stable be?

2. What is the total cost to board at that stable?

3. How often would we REALLY be able to visit?

4. Does it really fit into our budget?

5. What would the hidden expenses be? (medical bills, cost of emergency visits, travel expenses to and from home - including meals if you need to eat before arriving home)

I think you should wait until your budget settles down after you start working before you can really know the impact of this.

 

[Jena]

andy thanks. terry wrapped this one up for me lol.

ok so maybe i'll just go riding on a few times a mos. now that i'll be able to?? that's alot more responsible.

love being a grown up!!

 

[ML]

I definitely think you should ride more. Good for difficult child too. Maybe in a few years things will shift around and the timing will be better. Hugs,

 

[Hound dog]

Riding sounds like a good compromise.

And now you understand why neither Nichole or I allow ourselves anywhere near the humane society. Because we'd come home with yet another animal we currently don't have time to care for and don't have room for.

I know it breaks your heart. There are times with being a grown up really stinks. But once your budget settles, and a few things in your life settle down, you may have the opportunity to rethink the idea and look into it again.

Now, see, I learn something new here all the time. I never dreamed you could stable a horse in NY. I knew the police have horses, but didn't know private citizens could. (other than the carriage drivers)

((hugs))

 

[Abbey]

My daughter runs a stable that continually takes in horses that people can't handle for a variety of reasons...financial, time, etc. It's a HUGE investment in time and money, but can also bring lots of joy. Think carefully. If you're in the IL area I can send you her info.

Abbey

 

[Jena]

ML thanks, we'll see. I just was so so surprised to go on the website and see horses!! LOL

Lisa - Yes you can, in the city it's alot more expensive the boroughs like Brooklyn, Queens. There's a stable easy child and i used to ride at yet it's very expensive. In general i'Tourette's Syndrome an expensive sport especially here. Yet out here on the island the further out you go towards the end it gets cheaper. I'd love to just have land and have my horse on it. That's always been my dream. To have a small house on a small piece of land with a few animals. I always saying i was born into the wrong family lol, being raised in brooklyn.

Abbey - wow, that's great that she does that. She must love horses to be doing that job. I worked in a barn here for a while when difficult child was at her worst just for extra money and to be around the horses. I def would. Does that farm try to sell the horses once they nurse them back to life if they've had a rough run of it??

 

[Jena]

I feel so bad they all were neglected, and now they have issues due to that. their like umm difficult child horses now. I really want one.

 

[Hound dog]

Jenn I can see why you fell in love. Those are some beautiful horses.

My youngest neice has an obsession with horses. Since she's a difficult child, my brother wondered if owning one would help her.....motivating her in areas she needed to work on, giving her confidence in other areas. But although we rode a bit as kids, he had no clue how to care for a horse properly and lived in a trailor park so had no where to stable/care for one.

But he didn't give up. He found a stable that needed a hired hand and went and spoke to the owner. They struck up a deal. My brother did maintenance around the stable on weekends, and also helped care for the horses boarded there. Caring for the horses taught him how to care for one of his own. And he is "paid" in boarding and riding lessons for my neice. He bought his own horse for her a few months later and she's had it several years now.

Maybe, depending on your situation/time, you could find someone willing to let you and difficult child help out as a trade off for riding or later boarding a horse.

Hugs

 

[Jena]

Lisa thanks and i know their gorgious and needing. I can't turn away anything in need lol.

sheesh i cruise the a.s.p.c.a. website on friday nights lol get a life jen!!

I actually talked to boyfriend about it last night man he surprises me. it was midnite and we were eating yea my diet's not going so well. he said wow ahorse that's a great idea for difficult child, that'llhelp her in so many ways and you also. I'Tourette's Syndrome your passion and you can never go wrong with that. He said we may have to accept where we live now if we want to carry that as well. He threw out ideas and said if we fix up this place and make it nicer maybe it can be done. He said why would i ever have a problem with you following your dreams and wants if something is somewhat attainable?? kinda cool he had that attitude.

so he said i think you should go to work first if difficult child let's you and let's get adjusted to that first, you can print out the application if you want. Yet i think we need to see how our finances are first before we commit to an extra 500 a mos. and possibility of a sick horse someday.

he said overall i think itwould be great, and help you on weekends when difficult child is with her dad and i'm working and you have no clue what to do for yourself since you aren't at that place in your life when going out with friends every other weekend and drinking isn't appealing to you. soo not.

we'll see. i worked in a stable in our last neighborhood to earn extra money when difficult child was at her worst. i had taken a break from office for summer and i loved it. granted i was turning out horses which was the best and cleaning stalls yet the smell i love love and the horses i adore. it was very physically draining that's why i stopped yet so rewarding to my soul.

 

[meowbunny]

I used to "co-owner" a horse. The owner no longer had the time to ride much but loved to do shows. So, I would do the maintenance on the horse -- riding, grooming, dressage and jump work -- and she would pay for the stabling, feed, vet and farrier bills. At least once a month she would take him out to some local shows and do her thing. It was a great deal for both of us. You might check local stables and see if there's anything like this available.

I think your boyfriend being so generous is wonderful. However, what happens if you guys break up? Quite frankly, you're not married and you've had some serious issues with him. He sounds like a great guy but this is definitely not a match made in heaven. Selling a horse is not easy. It usually takes time. Do you really think you can afford it if you're single again?

Jen, in so many ways you remind me of my daughter. The difference is she's almost 22, and you're almost 40. When she wants something, she wants it now. If you give her reasons why it isn't a good idea, she'll work around you to get it. She will argue something from 100 million angles until she thinks she's found a way to convince you that she's right and she should get what she wants. If reality hits her across the head and shows her she can't have what she wants, she sulks and cries.

Having a horse is a dream many of us have. Don't give up on that dream but compromise it. Find a way to ride either by renting or working at a stable or something but owning a horse is irresponsible on your part. You have a lot of debt right now. You have two girls who really need you and a merged family that puts a lot of pressure on you. You're just starting a new job. Get as much of your life together as you can before you take on an added responsibility, whether it be another hamster or a horse.

 

[Jena]

meow - hi, yes in time we will figure it out. not right now, there is far too much going on. Yes boyfriend and I are soo not a match made in heaven. It's amazing that we have made it this far to be honest, between us and difficult child's unreal issues easy child kicking up and his kids which all have issues that i do not discuss anymore.

I'm glad your daughter and i are similar, that's a huge plus for her. This i want it now i will figure it out attitude of mine has gotten me far and has gotten me to where i am mentally. It's gotten me thru raising easy child alone for many years which i mentioned on your thread, it has gotten me educated on my own while raising her, it has gotten me to finally accept and deal with my horribly abusive childhood and integrate lessons learned there into my life today and it's made me a better me actually.

So, hearing you say that is a relief to me. That means that she'll push and shove just the way one should in life for her wants and now for the wants of her own family someday. If she's a fighter and that's a huge indication of one than all will be well. In time the maturity will come. I think we all continue to grow and mature the older we get.

Thanks for talking me down about the horse. yet I know when to grab a dream and when to shelf it, it's a def. shelf for now lol. i gotta see if i can actually keep this job i now have. my horse will wait. That's where the difference lies between 22 and almost 40 knowing when to shelf it and wait and also i dont' cry and scream or sulk. I take it like a man.


i have been thinking about you since i read your thread. i hope your day goes better.

 

[meowbunny]

Jen, you guys are a lot alike but I think you're a lot stronger than my daughter. She will always take the easy way out. She'll fight to get what she wants. Heck, if I let her, she'll argue the same point for days (and has in the past). L I T E R A L L Y! The problem is that what she wants is rarely what is the best choice for her.

I know it has to hurt, but I'm glad you're giving up on your dream of the horse for now. (by the way, I want the gelding. He's beautiful!) Check around. Someone may be doing equine therapy and may even give you a discount or do it for free for your daughter if you're willing to muck out a stall or two. I did that for my daughter. It really did do wonders for her self-esteem and gave her a little self-discipline. Not enough, but at least a little.

As for you, check the stables or even a local racetrack if there's one around. See if you can do the exercising, whatever. You'd be surprised how much you can ride if you're willing to volunteer to do some work for it.

 

[Jena]

Well her strength will come, especially now. You really have to think of all you have taught her it's in there, may not seem it but it's there.

My Mom made her mistakes too, like we all do as parents. We do our best and keep our fingers crossed, i think it's all any of us can do. Yet my Mother instilled survival mode in me bigtime. Let nothing and no one bring you down or under. I have carried that and utilized it. She will also. Someone fighting for what they want, or being that head strong and stubborn if can be used for good and not evil can be a tremendous benefit and a huge huge plus in anyone's personality i think.

I've been in touch with a local farm regarding equesterian therapy for difficult child, i've heard it can work wonders for kids. She's still a mess. So, my dream may be some benefit to her and easy child too who really needs some other form of hobbies as of late lol. thank goodness track team didn't boot her yet.

I ofcourse am stronger, because i've weathered storms just like you have im so sure. Her strength will come from making mistakes and cleaning them up. We all have to trip before we can walk tall. I'm still growing and hope to never end growing to be honest. I learn more about myself everyday.

it's just nice to have our dreams, and it's nice to try to fit them into our reality even given the financials and everything else that can come with it. Also the way i view marriage now is quite different than teh way i viewed it years ago with my first marriage. It is the same for boyfriend. We know that the paper although legal and binding to some extent provides a security blanket for children undoubtely yet also doesn't hold anyone anywhere at the end of the day. So, I could own a horse and be left the same as now. He'd just have to work harder at losing me, lol. We have no children so there would be no child support and i'd never take alimony it's not who i am. I didn't the first time I wouldnt' this time.

He had an 18 year marriage that undid itself in a matter of a few days. Marriage certificate or not it's all about the friendship and compromise i am learning to this whole thing, also acceptance of the person we are and hte person we share our lives with. It's hard hard work i'm finding.

 

[Fran]

Jennifer, I'm glad you are weighing pros and cons. Common sense will prevail. I agree you should start to build a foundation for your dream but pets aren't really props for difficult children or anyone else. If it doesn't work or difficult child isn't appropriate with a pet you can't simply get rid of it.
You are a smart woman to consider how it will affect your home. They require time that you may not have. They require medical care that isn't any bargain. They require attention that you may not be prepared to give. It will take away from the time with your boyfriend and children.

When you can deal with all the issues of pet ownership then you will be ready to make the committment and sacrifice that comes with pet ownership. It will be so worth it when you know you are doing it without shortchanging everything else in your life.

Taking a neglected pet and then having to give it up is more cruel than never taking it in.

 

[Jena]

Fran I totally agree. We so far have our kitten that has truly worked wonders for difficult child. That little kitten means the world to her and on nights when she is her most anxious she talks to her kitten. It is by far one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Sad she is feeling that way yet sweet the trust she has in this sweet little animal. The hamster has even created some feeling of happiness in her. Plus I for one feel like pets make a home complete. I absolutely love them.

Yet a horse is a huge chunk to bite off. I def want one, he's behind me on it which is great, i think it would benefit difficult child greatly she has a love for them. We have been around horses since she was a baby on and off, easy child used to ride and train, participated in competitions. So i had difficult child up on one by 6 mos old holding her and her giggling and smiling. Their amazing animals they give so much of themselves and work so hard. That is if you train them the right way i also learned lol. Just like puppies they soo need proper training and alot of time.

Once I get this job thing settled one way or another and difficult child adapted than i'll begin looking into it more. It was nice to throw it out there though. It's nice to have dreams, and share them with friends. I share more here than i do in reality lol.