our day putting difficult child into hospital

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Sep 30, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    sooo long day. our truck broke down the nite before. so we fixed it. difficult child kept me up till 3 night b4, which was to be expected. than i was up at 5 to leave. got on road and truck went again, coils apparentley in trani went. so we were two hours out already. we had to turn around return home fix truck again. we got to hospital by 3. difficult child had fever on way and a lot of anxiety. also given, yet not the fever.

    admit was super long. YES i kept it completely together throughout entire difficult child thing. insurance co. didn't approve us, so i had to fight with-them alongside head pyschiatrist and admin. of hospital. by 7:30 last night we won.

    difficult child cried, clung, begged, told me she hated me etc. all to be expected.

    they did ekg, blood draw, physical, a bunch of stuff. no iv was needed. head pysch and i met and chose seroquel once again for time being just to calm her down. it worked by 1a.m. she finally fell asleep. she was in her room in corner crying on phone with-me till midnite.

    i than called nurses station and told them hey go help. told her sitting on phone with-me doing this is not an option for you.

    my wonderful and yes i love him again husband was my grounding force all day. he wasnt' affectionate, he just held a calm to the entire thing by making jokes, being very non reactive. i was grateful for his presence bigtime.

    yup i fell apart last night as soon as my feet hit the pavement outside of hospital. than i got my husband hugs. :) we got some food, i dealt with-calls till 1 a.m. and finally got some sleep. husband stayed with-me and got on road at 5 a.m. to go to work.

    hardest thing ive ever done. my heart goes out to all of you who have walked this path. ive always tried thru the years to be supportive yet you don't really know what this type of detatchment is like till you do it. it's a surreal experience.

    by the way i didnt' take any xanax. i haven't for years. i got thru with-o it. :)

    i'm going out now to find her a barbie and some junk for her room. love new jersey NOT with no lefts ugh!!

    so thanks to all of you. i can't hook my easy child up in room ofcourse...... jen and her black cloud so im using public hotel easy child. :tongue:
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    main thing now is just taking it day by day. takign care of me in interim so i can keep up with-the back and forth to hospital. and keeping my emotions in check. there are alot of good ppl there to help her and provide her with-something i cannot at home. by the way she took two bites of a muffin today :)

    ofcourse the mom in me wants to cry again. yet i wont. ive' made a crying schedule. it's 9p.m. after my hospital visit. :) so i've given difficult child a call schedule because they let her keep her cell till 10:30 and i' mlimiting her calls to me somewhat. and i'm putting me on a breakdown schedule. i have to be honest i prayed alot before this for strength because i'm just as attached to her as she is to me. was time to cut cord a bit so she could get the help. god was probably like what who is this??? :) it worked though. and you guys just knowing i had you guys rooting for us was a huge huge help
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jen, I know it's hard, but she needs the help. I hope the treatment works.

    Hang in there. We're here for you every step of the way. Many gentle hugs coming your way from Maryland.
  4. Bluemoon

    Bluemoon Guest

    So sorry for all the glitches (nice way to put it) you hit on your journey but I think you did an awesome job in dealing with- it all. Way To Go! I know it's painful, but you did what had to be done anyway. You truely are a wonderful Warrior!
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Aw hugs Jena. We never know how strong we are until we have to be and then it just comes. I'm so glad you're on a breakdown/crying schedule - that will help you and you may even be surprised as some time passes that you can take the breaks without the crying and reflect instead. I hope that one day soon you find yourself reflecting on the progress difficult child has made. Big Hugs to you, difficult child and H for being your rock. Everyone needs a rock. I'm glad you have yours.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You see others and think "I could never do that", but what makes this group (you included) warriors is the fact that when these situations come up, somewhere deep down inside, you find strength you never knew you had. You don't even question, you just do it, because it needs to be done.

    Hugs to you and your very strong but very sore mommy heart.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good girl! Now, do something nice for you and dont spoil her rotten in the hospital.
  8. idohope

    idohope Member

    Thinking of you Jena. Stay strong.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew! What could go wrong did go wrong.
    Well, except the doctors sounded good, as they helped with-ins.
    She is in the best place right now. They can observe her and get some ideas. They have a great routine. You'll be surprised at how quickly she adapts.
    Get some sleep.
    And good luck getting the truck fixed. Really fixed. :)
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol janet how is it that you know me so well? lol. i bought her a arts and crafts make your own jewelry box today (7bucks) and a inspirational calendar for her wall (7 bucks) not bad. plus it was our deal with-her taking the medications last night.

    gotta admit though im totally exhausted. tried to nap today after going out to store for her and finding a sandwich and easy child called with-her emotions about it. so sleep got cancelled. i'm totally beat. i have to head up at 6 i'm leaving for visitation and to try to find cigarettes.

    it's freaking lonely here in the hotel i love my alone time yet i guess not under these circumstances. there are like 7 channels on t.v. all saying tornado warning. and 3 channels with no volume lol. i'm looking forward to hopefully just passing out tonight.

    hospital's done a few things i'm not loving so far. oh boy you guys know me. they gave her the seroquel last night as a prn and optional for her! wtf?? so i nipped that in the butt at 1 a.m. and again today with-day nurse. yup will be bringing nite nurses a gift once i can figure out how to cross this stupid highway here lol. also they aren't working with-her to eat. their just threatening her. hmmm spoke to her therapist there today. i said food phobia as you know are quite diff. than aneroxia or bullimia and i was in hopes that someone would work with-her to eat instead of threatening her that if she didnt' she'd have to sit there till she did and miss groups that she needs. the t responded by saying please let us do our jobs. i said np i won't be the parent that hinders that process yet fact is that i could of threatened her at home. yet everything i've learned states that is the wrong thing to do.

    so, again what's your plan of action? so we have mtg. set up for monday early to meet. i get the multiple groups are a form of therapy there yet i also know that i'm watching them carefully and i want them to know that.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh and by the way they aren't seeing the behaviors because i clued them into seroquel to calm her to adjust. so last night she did pass out as i knew she would on first dose at 25mg. i had to though or she would of been up all night long crying. yet given a few days that will adjust in her system and she will be once again bouncing. their discussing lithium with-me for long term due to the bipolar diagnosis.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child can call you whenever she wants? That is both good and can be hard for you to hear each moment's struggles. When I left my difficult child in the psychiatric hospital, I called the school to tell the teacher and ended up talking to the church secretary (I think teacher had left for the day). I cried all the way home (one hour) and most of the time to her. I had to go home and get overnight stuff for difficult child - the admission was a crisis moment so unplanned. It is so hard leaving your child with people you do not know. My only anger part was when a night staff told him to go back to bed instead of listening to him and helping him through an anxiety moment. I let the staff know my displeasure on that one. You would think that these types of hospital stays should be 24/7 care where staff can help the kids in choosing which tool they need to get through.

    I hope you can find time to catch up with your sleep and regain energy so you are ready for discharge (which I hope will not be tomorrow).

    I was able drive home every morning and work full days before returning for evening visiting hours and staying overnight in a nearby hotel so that difficult child knew I was close by overnight even though he would not be allowed to call me. My work helped me a lot. You need to figure out what you can do to strengthen you at the moment.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    wow you worked and did all that. i am impressed and feel like a loser now lol. i'm so beat up and tired. them forcing her to eat, not being patient and loving with her just being nasty with-her the way they are is pissing me off bigtime.
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I couldn't have any communication with difficult child at all during the day - I am sure I would have been on the phone with him all day if we could - so I needed something to focus on to keep me from going bonkers. My work was my distraction and it helped that I had a private office at the time and could close the door and cry. I also had super co-workers who let me cry on their shoulder - it was my support system. The month and one half before that, I had called my supervisor to say that I didn't know what was going on with difficult child and I didn't know when/if I would be able to show up for work each day. I found out in that call that the person I thought was my supervisor no longer was and he transferred me to someone new who I had never met. I was blessed that like all my other supervisors, this new one was very understanding (what a way to start a new boss).

    You are definately not a looser. It is super hard having her call you all day long. It is very draining to have your child cry (even though you know it will happen) and beg for you to help her. You are still tied into her emotions and struggling to see what is best - should you keep her here knowing how she hates it and is fighting to get out or do you follow her emotions and call it quits? I know how super hard it would be but I am thinking that maybe limiting her ability to call you whenever she wants would help? You would then only hear the distress at certain times. Her constant calls are not helping you to see the true picture - you are only seeing and feeling her anguish - something she will have to work through to get better but she is trying to get you to do the work for her and get her out of the facility that may just be what she needs to get better.

    I hope the insurance company does not dictate the outcome. Stay strong over the weekend and talk to Monday's staff. I don't know how much programming is done on the weekends or how involved the staff get with it. Monday can bring even more reassurances. It seems like evening and weekend staff don't understand the importance of continuing treatment - like the kid is suppose to turn off the problems and wait for the day time week day experts to deal with the issues.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm probably not giving you the right impression of the place due to my emotions. it isn't like that there at all. i have no power, no say, no control over anything. with that being said it isnt' the type of situation whereas i will address nurses, staff, etc.

    the head pyschdoc which i stated before is the one in which calls the shots. she than tells the team eac. a.m. they have a team mtg. what the deal is with difficult child.

    the new approach now is you cant talk to or see mom unless you eat. i am right now at a loss.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think they are either trying to see if it is a behavior/manipulation issue, or they are already convinced that it is at least in part. Don't get too upset if they are just checking this, most difficult children with disorders have some manipulation and control issues mixed in there, too, even if it isn't purposefully thought out and planned. Another thought I had is that they might be thinking if she eats a few times, no matter how they get her to do it, they can get her to see that she didn't choke as she had feared. Again, just thinking out loud. I'm not shocked at all about taking her cell phone. I was surprised they let her have it and call so often to begin with.
  17. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    Gentle hugs for your hurting mommy heart!

    Are you getting info from the staff as well as from difficult child? Both are important, and I just want to make sure you're getting the whole picture. If they're not allowing her to talk to you or see you, what's their logic for using that approach?

    Again, so very sorry you're going through this.
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    klmno i get that. yet difficult child will do anything she can to see me. she's 11. just 11. they assured me they wouldn't take this radical approach. they arent' trying or checking. this is their approach across the board. each day if she does not eat no visiting hours and no phone calls from me or to me.they found their tool me, their using me as bait.

    i just do not agree with-this approach their taking. how will she regain her love of food this way for long term. long term is my concern. getting her home with-no threats and stress of school, usual triggers will return in her own environment and when they do will she revert back to not eating? i work well when i know the protocol or approach.

    i wasn't informed of this appropriately and husband was right the head pyschdoc is rigid. she will not bend nor listen to any of my thoughts concerning food phobia. basicaly difficult child is being strong armed into eating.