parents of young adults living in sober housing: how did you locate a place?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by recovering doormat, Nov 16, 2010.

  1. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I'm having trouble locating sober housing for my 20 yr old daughter, difficult child 1, after she has relapsed with weed and alcohol (but mostly weed) after prematurely leaving a facilty that was treating her dual diagnosis (substance abuse and MDD). She realizes now that she needs to be in a sober housing situation but I suppose for obvious reasons of anonymity, they are hard to find.

    She is living with her father and stoner younger brother since signing herself out of the place in Vermont that had seemed to be working for her, and she is just miserable. I'm in the process of moving from a house to a small apartment with her younger sister (downsizing after a lengthy post-divorce financial battle) and there is not only no room for her, but I'm worried about her relapsing and affecting her younger sister. She is also currently off her medications and prone to mood swings and general irritability.

    I contacted a substance abuse counselor and asked about sober living but she said she has had problems finding it as well in the part of New England we live in. My therapist suggested that I call different treatment places and find out where they refer their patients following inpatient treatment.

    Not much to be found online. I see a place way upstate but we were hoping to be able to keep her part time job and continue with classes at the local community college.

    Does anyone have advice about how to locate sober living arrangement?

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You did all the things I would have suggested. Our difficult children treatment center finds sober houses for their clients. We have tons of sober houses where we live and they can be found on line under halfway houses or sober houses. Be careful though. You want to make sure there is an actual housemother there.

  3. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Nancy, that is a very good point about the housemother. I seem to recall a parent at an Al Anon meeting I attending saying that his son was in a sober living or halfway house in Florida where the residents pretty much openly use drugs and alcohol, while parents are footing the bill, and that it's a pretty common occurence. I'll try approaching the treatment places. Thanks for your response.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wrote this late last night and didn't have much time to respond but from what I have found there are a couple types of sober houses. Some are run by the residents themselves, they each pay their own rent and work in the community and are suppose to be going to AA meetings and learning to live sober. Those would worry me because you are I both know that putting several recovering addicts together in a home self-monitoring is a bad idea. The sober homes that our treatment centers refer to and many that I have found when searching in our local area, are connected to a community treatment center in some way and have a housemother who makes sure the residents follow through on their meetings and aftercare program or they are kicked out of the home. There is usually an interview process that the resident must go through to make sure they are a good candidate.

    Ask a lot of questions and if possible go and see the house in person so you can make sure it is the type of safe environment you are looking for.

    Good luck,
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Go to your local Mental health Mental retardation agency. They have a list of programs and can even help with the paperwork. Good Luck. _RM
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If you're attending Al-Anon, you might ask around at your next meeting for suggestions as well. Or contact your local AA chapter and ask.
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi I am not there yet but I appreciated the responses to this thread. My son is currently in rehab and our hope is he will stay where he is in one of the sober living places they recommend.... but it is possible he will come back here and look for sober living up here. I hadn't thought about the issue of no housemother and what that could lead to.... yikes. More for me to think about in a couple of months.