I have been a member for a few months but this is my first post. My lovely husband and I have been trying to help his 21 year old son for three years now. He elected to live with his mom for the most part from 16-18 years of age. We knew it was because her rules were laxer than ours, but we had no idea how lax. Being a recovering alcoholic, she assured us that she had no alcohol or substances in the house in maintenance of her own sobriety. Come to find out he was smoking weed every day with her permission because he was 'stressed'. He had a full on psychotic break at 18 and was subsequently diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. We welcomed him coming to live with us under the condition that he either worked or went to school, did not use drugs, and followed his treatment plan. The first time he moved in lasted all of three days before he blasted us for restricting his freedom and laying down impossible rules eg. How dare we insist that he not stay up all night playing loud music, even though we work full time and he does nothing. He moved back in with his mom at that point. She had started using again and her home was a toxic chaotic mess. We again offered him a place to live with the same conditions as before, but he declined because mom let him do what he pleased, including stealing from her because she was so messed up she didn't know the difference. He relapses into psychosis after dabbling with cocaine and acid and is again hospitalized. She refuses to take him back, so he reluctantly agrees to our rules. Two months in it is apparent he is using again. One night we had to call the police to take him because he was delusional and becoming very verbally abusive and threatening toward us. In one final attempt, we moved him into our heated outbuilding. After the honeymoon period was over, he quit the job his Dad had lined up for him, refused to get another, refused to clean up after himself at all (to the point of that outbuilding becoming a biohazard), and again began treating us like his own personal wait staff. Bawling his dad out on the phone because he would not leave work to bring him something to eat, blaming us for his position in life etc. We were investigating homeless shelters and had started working with the ACT program when he was hospitalized again. As suspected, he had been smoking weed again and his mom had helpfully been leaving kratom tablets in our mailbox to help with his 'anxiety', part of which she informed my husband was caused by him and I having unreasonable expectations eg. How dare we ask him to hang up his towel after using the shower? Just today, after fighting the hospital who were trying to bully us into picking him up, he has been accepted into a local homeless shelter with a good reputation and a lot of the programs and services he needs to help him. We have finally concluded that this is all above our pay grade and it is time for someone else to take over. After so much, we do not feel guilty, just sad that this maybe the pattern of his life. We have done everything we know how. I apologize for such a long vent!! But it feels so good to get it out and I know people on this site will identify with our story like no one else can. Thank you for listening!