I am so stressed that even posting this is causing an anxiety attack. I feel like I can't breathe, my heart is racing, my palms are sweaty...and I've taken 1mg klonopin. difficult child's anxiety is at an all time high. Everything - and I do mean everything - is now a trigger. She *completely* lost her mind over the idea of having an ultrasound today, so needless to say, she didn't have one done. She is still feeling bad, however I think it's all a direct result of her anxiety. She is catastrophizing and obsessing over any thought that crosses her mind. It is literally making her physically ill. She hasn't been to school since last Tuesday, although yesterday and today were snow days. We have doctor's notes for the days she's missed. But, I know she's not going to go tomorrow. And I don't know what to do. Eventually juvenile court will get involved because of truancy, but I really don't know what to do. She has all but shut down. The anxiety has total control over her. She doesn't want to do homebound or partial days. She doesn't want to go back to homeschooling, even if I were homeschooling vs the online school. We don't have any other options. And I'm sick. This fever that has been going on for like 3+ months now is over 100 and I'm having cold sweats. I'm not sleeping because I keep waking up drenched in sweat. Except yesterday, I slept all day. I'm exhausted, drained and feel like I'm out of options. But, I don't know what other options I have. I'm it. I'm her only safe person. I have an appointment with the new psychiatrist on the 17th, but the first appointment is just me. I don't know what to do until she can get in and...see what happens. There's other stuff, too, unrelated to difficult child that is just pushing everything over the edge with me. I keep having to stop her and tell her that I can't do this right now - an hour or so into the catastrophizing and obsessing and crying and and and. I feel like I can't breathe. Just thinking about it causes anxiety attacks. Hell, just reading the articles on how stress effects your health that I posted on the News Forum stressed me out. Seriously. It's out of control. I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow for my SSDI application for a "Mental Status Examination". Not really sure why as I didn't apply based on depression. Maybe it's related to the cognitive issues, I don't know. I do know that I'm ripe for it, though. I'm going to try to get in to see my doctor tomorrow. Something has to give. Why in the hell am I running fevers for months on end if I don't have an autoimmune disorder? If it's not autoimmune, what is it and what do we do? I can't keep living like this with no end in sight...no treatment in sight...no relief in sight. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. And I'm angry. I'm angry at difficult child for refusing to help herself for so long and now it's come to this. But, what good is that going to do?