Phase or Not

[Tryingtoletgo]

Hello, my son is 18 and has been indulging in weed a lot lately and spending all HIS $$ on it. I'm trying to be understanding because I was a teen once as well, however, I know it could become a serious issue. My son was diagnosed with bipolar and he lives up to this in true fashion. Sometimes he says he's done with spending his $$ on it and realizes its a waste and he will stop and other times he doesn't have a care in the world and partakes in risky behavior. He will be attending community college in a few weeks and he is working but I find myself very stressed and on an emotional roller coaster. He has a history with depression and has even had mood swings and he's been "normal" for the past 9 months since he's been on medications. It didn't help that my step-son, who is 26, was living with us and had a negative influence on him as well. My son is not totally disrespectful but ever since he's turned 18, he has been trying us. I sometimes feel bad for him because of his history, he could not lead a normal teen life but now, he's testing the waters and I slowly feel myself losing control. Any words of wisdom

 

[dstc_99]

At 18 they tend to test the waters. All you can really do is set clear boundaries for what you will allow in your home. Once that is done you can start decreasing the things you provide in order for him to be more financially responsible for his own things.

Example: Is he using a car you pay for to go get the pot? Then take the car away. Should he have a wreck while impaired you could be held liable. This is not about punishing him it is about ensuring your financial safety and not allowing someone to do something illegal in your vehicle.

Example: Is he using his cell phone to set up meetings for pot? Cut off the cell phone. If he can afford the pot he can afford to pay for his own cell phone.

He will fight kicking and screaming along the way but he will also learn some things.

 

[BusynMember]

If it were me, the car would no longer be an option for him since he would be driving intoxicated. And if he had any weed in the house, I'd flush it down the toilet. I used to check my daughter's room and throw out anything she wasn't supposed to have. If she lived in my house, it was under my rules.

Are you sure there isn't more than pot going on? Most of us don't really know what our adult kids are doing when they aren't with us.

 

[toughlovin]

I think there are a lot of young adults who do go through phases with pot use... so the fact that he is smoking pot in and of itself does not mean he is going to end up with a serious drug problem. It is a red flag you should stay aware of.

I think the thing to keep an eye on is his overall behavior... is he getting unmotivated in general, missing work, lying to you, when he is in school not doing his school work etc.I think those are the things to keep aware of and make sure you set limits on.

And yes I would talk to him about the car and if you feel he is driving while under the influence then he cant use the car.

I think the most important thing is to try to keep your relationship with him strong. From what you have said it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship. So try to stay connected with him in vairous ways and keep your eyes and ears open.

I think overreaction at this point should be avoided. You cant keep him from smoking pot if he really wants to.... but you can stay connected, encourage him to stay on medications and deal with his mood issues in healthy ways etc. Hopefully he wont do as many of our kids do and use pot as a way to escape his problems.... that is often what leads to real substance abuse issues.

TL


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