power of the board -update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So last week I let you all know that difficult child was not doing good at his placement, and I was worried.

    So many of you sent happy thoughts my way, and difficult children way, thank you.

    Since then, he has been doing SO much better, and really adapting to their rules and regulations.

    However, in the same breathe the state of Utah has suddenly decided that having kids over 18 in the same facility as minors is not acceptable.

    He is currently scheduled, to be released in 25 days because he will turn 18.

    He is making strides, and he is emotionally growing for the first time in years.

    This is the first time Utah has ever made a fuss about age limits for this facility.

    I am trying really hard to not take this as a setback, but none the less, I feel it is tragic.

    I am appealing the law, but I am also compelled to try and find placements for him over 18 as a backup.

    I find it striking that the minute I asked all of you to keep him in your thoughts that he suddenly started to do better - so - in humility - I ask the same in this situation. I personally feel that he should be able to complete his program there, and I ask and hope that he is given this opportunity.

    I am learning detachment in so many ways right now. It is like an exorcism. All of my intense feelings about past intimate relationships, parents, & difficult child I am learning to all keep at bay.
    And the loss of my sister......... well, that is just what started it all. I still talk to her every day in my soul. I know she is with difficult child.

    Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
    Life. Geesh.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    What can we do to help, Steeley?
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Steely, see if you can get an attorney or a state representative to allow your difficult child to stay beyond his 18th birthday as part of a "grandparenting clause." Use those words. It means that the new rule applies only to new patients. Also, new laws usually take affect at a much later date than when they are voted in so that people and agencies will have a chance to prepare. You won't be the only one making a stink, I'm sure. There will be many other parents in the same boat. Do a google search to see what you can find.

    I'm glad that both of you are feeling better. :)
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so glad you both are doing better. I was thinking the same as Witz about the grandfathering in law.

  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You know, the other thing that they might do is if they have other kids who are or will be 18, they may be able to set up a seperate part of the facility for these kids.

    Also, I would push them on the fact that most kids do not graduate high school until well after their 18th birthday, and there are private boarding schools in Utah that will have to house minors with adults or keep the majority of their senior class from graduating. I would think that they would just set up seperate dorms for kids and adults.

    Don't give up yet. I think that there are answers to this problem out there if you push for it, and I really feel strongly that you won't have to push too hard with the ideas that you will get from difficult child's board aunties.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I haven't posted, but have kept you continuously in my thoughts and prayers. I think that the facility can find a way to "grandfather" difficult child in, or help in some other way. Also, I wonder if setting up a "PINS" petition would let them keep "guardianship" over him. It means Person in need of services I am pretty sure, and lets him be treated as a minor. I think this might be another avenue to try to keep him in the facility or in another that will give him the support he needs to grow.

    I am so sorry all this is needed, I hope he can grow and mature to be the person he is meant to be.


  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Keeping you and M in my thoughts and prayers. The power of this board is phenomenal, so keep that hope going.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    They have told me the grandfather clause is if the child has been there 60 days, they can stay, and M will have been there 38 days.

    So we have filed an appeal, what other things can I do?
    Talk to an Ombudsman, an attny, file for PINs?
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Don't have any answers for you, just want you to know I'm rooting for your case and keeping you in my prayers!
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I would talk to whoever the advocate is in that town. Plea with them to go in and fight for M. I think Grandfather clauses can be messed with... They can let him stay if they chose to.
    Don't be afraid to let them know honestly how desperate you and M are. Look into the NAMI or DBSA in that area. They can help alot of times and will. Or they will have an advocate who knows the rules or options.

    I am pulling out all of the positive JUJU and rattling the board beads.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Steely! Grandfathering is usually ruled by "guidelines". Ask to see where it is written that shows the 60 days rule.

    I'd go state and local representatives. It's an election year, so you may get the help based on their desire to look like they have a deep seated investment in the "mental health" continuum!

    Sending good thoughts and rattling lots o' beads!