Question about 123 Magic

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jules71, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I have a question about the 123 Magic program for managing stop behaviors. What I want to know is does the count continue throughout the day (ex. 9 am child is whining for something and you count 1, they continue and you count 2 – then they stop. 2 pm child starts whining for something – do you count 3, or would you start over at 1)?


    Any success stories out there about this program? I agree with the no talking, no emotion rule. I think that is part of my problem - I am always talking and always showing how ticked off I am - so difficult child just keeps pushing my buttons. We have not tried this yet, but watched the video just recently.
  2. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Hi, I use the 123 program and after that period of time I start over. About it working. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

    I have the CD's, and listen to them in the car. For me it helps to hear it again after a period of time using it. Just re-energizes my motivation and skill at the "no emotion".

    I will say that both my kids have a higher degree of "stoping or starting" something by the count of "2", then if I wasn't using it. It's not perfect, and sometimes it just isn't working, but overall it's been the best thing so far.

    I also have tougher consequences, then the author, if I get to "3".

    Hope this helps.
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    No success with Magic 123 here, but a lot of difficult child's behavior problems were directly related to impulsiveness. It's the "act before I think problem"..... In 0.2 seconds, he'd blown right through the 3.
  4. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    That's what I am afraid of - my difficult child is very impulsive. I have conflicting feelings about punishing him if the act is due to impulsiveness and he cannot stop himself. But somehow some way we need to teach him to stop and think first, right?
  5. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    My difficult child has extreme impulse deficits, and I still us the 123. However you also have to "think" about what's logical to count.

    I will say that I give an automatic #3 = 15mins if someone hits the other or throws something or cusses. It doesn't matter if it's impulsive or not.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Start over... It is not the same incident. You are pnishing for something at a different time. Even though it is whining, most kids can't relate that they were whining a couple hours ago.

    We use a combo of this, explosive child and love and logic!!! LOL it seems to work as a combo. I decide what is "important" "basket" count them. unless it is violent. and then there is a consenquence, with explanations and reasoning with no yelling. I try to hold them accountable for their actions, at least to talk about how it makes each person feel and what we can do differently.

    If it is just whining and I know K is elevated and having a hard day I may ignore it, or redirect her and give her a count, then give her a "time-out" a break to go talk or be by herself to decompress and chill. It doesn't always have to be sit in the chair and do nothing... for hitting Yes. But it is a judgment call for most of it.
    And consitancy, once you develop a plan...
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Not sure I have read this one in years, but a 15 min time-out for a 5yo without problems is too much. Regular rule of thumb for pcs is 1 min per year of age. They just don't have the ability to internalize anything more.

    The only use for longer time out is if they are in a play area and can have "quiet play" while the adult calms down. We then say Mommy or Daddy is in time out and they have to play independently.

    A child iwth impulsiveness problems is going to find a 15min time out to be impossible. It will very likely take all day to accomplish this.

    Try Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. I found it to make a lot more sense.


  8. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Hey Suzie,

    I hear what you're saying, but I should have explained better. I have 2 forms of time-out.

    #1 - Timeout - go to play room by yourself for quiet time or to calm down until bell rings.

    #2 - Grounding - go to 'bedroom'. No toys, to tv, nothing. Go there to REALLY calm down and for quiet time, and for a consequence to whatever they did until bell rings.

    So, mostly 4yr old easy child goes into 'timeout-playroom'. Alot of times he stays there "longer" then the time told, because he plays great by myself and I guess he starts to enjoy the alone time (just a guess). difficult child usually has a "transition" problem going to either room, but then he also plays good by himself after calming down.

    I use a kitchen timer, so they hear when the bell rings. If they have to go to the bathroom, or something, before the bell rings they know to knock on the door I will respond and give permission to leave the room, but they go back until the bell rings. This is what they did at the hospital difficult child was in last year, so we kept it as part of the routine.

    Oh, I'll look into that 'love and logic' book.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I have very mixed emotions on 1-2-3 as an older parent of a now 17 year old difficult child child.

    I was given the 123 book as a "gift" from my GFGxMIL. The one person who should have sat and read any book and didn't.

    When my Mother came to visit after my son was a little older and I started "Dude, that's one...that's two.....that's three." My Mother nearly pulled her hair out. Her logic stings my ears to this very day and her retort was "WHEN I TOLD YOU to do something you got ONE chance, not two or three. What happens if he's near a street and tempting fate and you yell don't go into traffic, okay THAT's ONE - he's GONE!"

    I'm down with 1 magic, I say it once - you get the message. 123 was a huge waste of mine and difficult child's time. If he had thought, perhaps like a 'normal' thinking child it may have had some merit, but again I think about that car thing and STOP that's 1 - oh your in traffic 2....oh sorry we plan your funeral that is 3.

    We opened a lending library here and when that book comes in as a donation I put it in the garbage can, the logic didn't seem to work with anyone I spoke with (parents) that had a difficult child.

    Sorry to be so harsh -
    Just my opinion
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Another one with no luck with 1-2-3 Magic. When difficult child is in the midst of meltdown or rage she doesn't care about anything. She can't, in fact. The reasoning side of her brain isn't working. When she isn't in the midst of a meltdown or rage (is just po'd, IOW), she's just going to push it. She would deliberately wait until I was ready to say 3 to stop.
  11. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Star, I'm soooo with you on the traffic thing. Because I knew my difficult child is constantly endanger over this, I moved us 2000 miles into the wild west traffic by our home. That's only way I felt we were safe. Some solution...huh!
  12. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Thanks for all the input. I like the idea of combining 123 Magic with The Explosive Child strategy. The video says to count things that are 'minor' stop behaviors. The major stop behaviors (like get out of the road!) would be handled differently.

    I can also see my difficult child waiting to stop doing whatever until I am just about to 3. I can also see him counting me. I also agree that when he is raging, he doesn't care about anything - so counting and giving him time out is not going to work then.

    It is so hard. We need to do something besides yelling all the time and being angry. We also need to do something besides doing nothing - which is kind of where I am at right now because I don't know what to do. I have read so many books. Sometimes I think just rewarding positive behavior and ignoring negative behavior is the way to go - but negative behaviors in real life have consequences.
  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    That's where natural consequences come in.