So for the past several weeks, I was nursing a dream of having our 28yo son, J, come home for Christmas for a couple of weeks, in the hopes that we could talk with him face to face, try to reconnect, and maybe help him solve the problem he has of not having a photo ID (he misplaced his driver's license). My husband and I haven't seen him for a year and his brother has not seen him for two years, and I pointed that out. I tried to stress how getting away from Denver for a few weeks would be good for him. We finally got him to call us last Sunday, and he refuses to come. When I asked why, he said, "I don't want to." When I asked why, he went into a tirade about how we had moved after his high school graduation and that left him with no place to live when he returned from college to work during the summers and he wasn't able to save as much money, and how we had moved from our old state to our new state and how that was sooooo far away and we were just selfish for doing that because we're too far away now to be accessible. Just a few days prior to that, he had complained about the difficulty he was having trying to get a photo ID in Denver. They were requiring extra documentation, which is hard to get when you don't have a physical address. We offered to mail him some documentation where he's couch surfing at the moment, and he just brushed it off, saying "I don't have time for that ****. By the time I get it, it will be weeks...'" It was pretty much impossible to have a conversation with him. He kept interrupting and talking over us, becoming angry and swearing. It appears that he simply does not want to be around us. So I said, "Okay, well I guess there's nothing more to say, and he agreed. He eventually got mad again, starting swearing, and hung up on us. Later, I got a text from him saying, "I have to get my life together here. Sorry I hung up on you." It just hit me, during that conversation, how unmovable his heart is toward us. It was as if we were strangers and there was no bond on his part toward us. I guess I had naively thought that if I just expressed how much it meant to us to have him come and literally begged him, his heart would soften and he would relent and come. I was wrong. There doesn't seem to be any feeling of love on his part toward us. It was just an eye-opening experience, and in the midst of it, I just realized that I need to stop doing this to myself because I'm tearing my heart to pieces. I have no doubt that the stress from this last year has taken a toll on my health and my husband's health. I think it's time to move on with my life and try to let go. So, for the time being, I'm backtracking and detaching. I'm not going to say that in a few weeks I won't feel differently, but I will remind myself of this conversation and of the nasty text messages he has sent, and hopefully I will be able to stick to my resolve. I pray for him every day, but once I've done that, I try to put him out of my mind and focus on the things in my life I need to do and the things that give me joy. On a positive note, I was able to find a Christian counseling service nearby, and I have an appointment on January 8, which just so happens to be J's birthday, which will be a hard day to get through. So, for now, I will be returning to the website to read but may not be posting about J anytime soon. Thanks for listening again.