Re-Introducing Myself

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Oct 29, 2011.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Hi! I haven't posted on this board in quite a while, so I thought I would re-introduce myself to everyone before I jumped back into the pool. My name is Pam and I have two boys, difficult child and easy child. difficult child is 12 and will be 13 in May. He's been diagnosed wtih anxiety and ODD. He's been taking risperdal since December of 2010 and this past August started taking Zoloft to help with this anxiety, which at times I would describe as crushing. He seemed to be doing really well, but things seemed to have leveled off a bit. The original theory was that if we could control the anxiety we would be able to control the tantrums and meltdowns. It hasn't really worked as well as I had hoped it would. He's still rude, nasty, dispespectful, and just plain mean to everyone in the house, but his favorite targets are me and his little brother.

    easy child is 7 and he'll be 8 in March. This summer the therapist thought it would be a good idea to work with easy child, because difficult child was almost like a bully towards him. Well, maybe not "almost like". He is a bully towards easy child, so we spent a good part of the summer working with him to help him be stronger and stand for himself towards difficult child. It helped easy child a great deal, but it also sent GFGF into a tail spin. I think that he was angry that we worked to take away what he considered to be his easiest target.

    I'm married to husband for 14 years. Unfortunately, he's not as invovled as I would like him to be. The problem with that is that everyone sees it but himself. He thinks he perfect dad. When he does step in it's only after things have escalated. He is trying to be more hands on, especially with difficult child and his behavioral problems, but sometimes he just looks as me with this deer in the headlights look on his face and says to me, "Oh, did you need help?"

    Like I said at the beginning, I am looking to come back to the board for help, insight, ideas, and support and since it's been a while I thought I would just say hi first.

  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi! I'm not married so have no wisodm but I did want to say welcome back and that I think it is really cool that you did that for easy child. Must be so hard to give as much attention even to easy child when difficult child is draining all the resources. My son is an only so no biggie that he gets so much of me. I really admire all of the folks on this board who juggle more than one child--easy child or difficult child alike. I am sure you will hear lots frm others here. Your hubby is not willing to join you in any seminars thru places like NAMI or go to therapy with you (hard to find a therapist who gets both marriage and difficult child parenting I suppose??). Just curious, I would bet you have gone there already, nice he is at least trying a little. Hope you can morph that into something useful.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Welcome back and hi. Would it be helpful to have husband read some books? The explosive child by ross greene is a good one. What about having him meet with therapist to help him learn how to better handle difficult child?
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hi Pam, good to have you back here. It does seem to me you've done a good job with strengthening easy child and this is also going to benefit difficult child now. Getting angry is just a way of trying to continue to assert bullying behaviour and lack of success for difficult child here is good.

    As for husband - sounds like you're next project. I have a summary/book review of The Explosive Child which I wrote to help my husband (who just couldn't manage to read the book despite being supportive). I've also used the summary to educate school staff. I can send it in three PMs for you if you want.

    Or maybe I should just start a thread with it?

  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    marg that would be a great thing to add to a part of the forum where we could all get it to share with schools etc. That was the basis for difficult child's first behavior plan and it worked well. before that, every time he swore they had him move velcro buttons back and forth on a page like twenty dumb.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, please, Marg.
    You offered it to Pam, and Buddy and I both want it too... which means, probably others...!
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Welcome! The big difference in ages can be scary.

    I third the motion of a new thread!
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Marg, thanks so much! I would greatly appreciate if you could share your summary not only with me, but with the other who need it. Don't get me wrong, husband tries to help, and has gotten better over the last couple of weeks. I think that a big part of this is that I am a stay at home mom and so I am the one with the kids the most. I get them up and ready for school, I make sure that the homework gets done, that showers/baths are taken, that they get to the places that they need to go during the week, etc.

    Thank you for the welcome back. I'm hoping to be more active here and that not only will I seek advice, but will be able to contribute, too.