Hi, All, I've been reading through a lot of threads on this site and while it breaks my heart to see so many people dealing with so many of the same issues I'm seeing in my future stepson, I'm also thankful that I'm not alone. I know what I'm about to share is nothing new, but I'm trying to figure out where to go from here and would love some advice from those who've 'been there, done that.' My fiancé adopted his son with his ex-wife when T was a little over 4 years old. T had been removed from his birth home because his birth mom wasn't mentally capable of being a healthy mom. T was placed in foster care just before his first birthday. It was in that foster care home that he was abused in every way possible. He remained in that home until he was 4 and placed in my fiancé's home. My fiancé and his ex divorced about 4 years ago and then about 2 years ago she sent T to live with my fiancé permanently because she doesn't want T to be in her home anymore. T is now 10. He's been diagnosed with ADD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). When he's in a good place, he's a sweet, 'normal' 11 year old kid...chatty, energetic, engaging, and kind of all that comes with being that age. But then, for whatever reason or no reason at all, that sweet kiddo disappears and this child, who quite frankly scares me, appears and we don't know what else to do. His behaviors range from stealing to hoarding food (which I know is typical behavior for kids who'd been in the foster care system and abused) to hitting himself to stabbing himself with pens to threatening suicide to breaking everything in his room to screaming (and I mean screaming) at the top of his lungs for hours on end to making animal noises because they're just terrible after an hour to burping and farting over and over and over again to throwing things at you to cussing you out and using language that isn't even heard on HBO to spitting on everyone/everything and more. He told his principal that he wanted to kill him, cussed out the bus driver yesterday, and is a bully at school. Then there's the manipulative stuff, that look that he gets when he thinks he's smarter than everyone else in the room and can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants just because he wants to. He's started to sneak out of the house and go on what he calls "adventures". His most recent "adventure" found him walking over 6 miles to/from a friend's house (a classmate his father doesn't know) without us knowing where he was; the police were called and an Amber alert was put out for him when he came strolling back up as if nothing was wrong and thought we were all crazy for overreacting. He meets strangers on these adventures and tells them everything about himself and where he lives, etc. He's spent some time around my niece (5) and my nephew (1.5) and it leaves me uneasy to watch him with them. I can't put my finger on it. My fiancé and I would like to have children together, but truthfully, the thought of having a baby around T scares me. What if he does something to the baby? Then, there's myself...I think about what would happen if it's just him and myself at home once his dad and I get married. He's only 10, but he's currently 5'2. His doctor thinks he may be as tall as 6'8 or more given the size of his feet and rate of growth. He's going to be a big guy. And someday, he will be bigger than me. Yesterday, for the first time ever, he raised his fist against his dad. He didn't strike him, but he made like he wanted to. What if he does that to me someday? Or what if, like some of the other threads I've read, his behavior turns towards the sexual as he grows up and matures that way? I know that in light of some of the other stuff I've read on threads, his behaviors may seem mild, but it's not even just the things that he does....but it's the way he is. There's no remorse or thought given beyond himself. And I know that's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and all, but we're at our wits ends. We don't know where else to get help. His therapists, and there have been several, don't seem to know what to do with him...and nothing's really changed. He was in an inpatient facility for about a month this past spring after his threats of suicide and stabbing himself with a pencil and after he got out, he seemed to be doing better, but then he regressed. So, all this very long way to say....where do we look for help? How do we find a therapist who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? I love my fiancé and I want to be a part of T's life, I want to be the female that "sticks" by him and fights for him and I don't want to be afraid of the what ifs.....but I don't know what to do or how to do that at this point. Thank you!!!