Really? "Cut the cord"??? Really?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I suppose this is more a vent about H, but it concerns me and "cutting the cord" as H calls it. And I thought that others in the PE forum could understand what I'm venting about as it concerns our 'adult' children - ha, that's a laugh. Does H count?

    I have spent the better part of the last 2 1/2 years learning how to detach in a healthy fashion. H has spent 0 of that time learning how to not only deal with what led to his alcoholism but also with detaching from all the difficult child-ness and even pre-gfgness from easy child! I am fuming right now.

    easy child is moving into her apt next week and all I said in passing while washing the dishes was that I would like to see the room she's renting and meet the people she will be living with for 6 months. Is that codependent behavior? No. Is that keeping the cord intact? No! It's called being a parent and showing an interest and making sure she's not moving into some crack hole dive, which I'm sure she's not, but just saying. I am well practiced in 'cutting the cord', okay? It really galls me that he said that to me, because he didn't cut the cord with his father until he was 40! In fact, technically, he still hasn't! And I said so. I won that round. LOL.

    And the other day there was some bs going on in exh's family and difficult child asked me to call her aunt on that side of the family to find out details surrounding exh's birthday celebration. I refused and told her to call. It all worked out, she spoke with aunt and her cousin who gave her a lift, yada yada. I was not involved in ANY way with what was going on with difficult child or easy child and their dad's family gathering - I completely and totally did not make one phone call, give advice or even entertain the idea of getting involved (apparently there was some drama). H claims that I told difficult child I would call for her - I never did!!!!!!!

    He is a bullheaded, has his own pre-conceived notions about my relationship with my girls, and draws conclusions based on those ideas rather than fact and I am boiling about it.

    After all the work I've done (and continue to do) in learning how to detach and being, IMVHO, effective at it, it really bugs me that HE of all people would try to say that I am 'too involved' or am having trouble cutting the cord. Ugh.

    I can tell you that I think even difficult child and easy child are amazed at how little I am involved in the decisions they have been making for themselves. Seriously.
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I feel you pain. My X had a similar attitude and, even though we are divorced, it still affects my life. The most important thing to remember is YOU know what you're doing. YOU know you are keeping your boundaries intact and detaching. His perceptions are his perceptions and you can do nothing about them. Keep focused on what you know to be true.
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    Well I think you're doing exceptionally well. I'm sorry he doesn't get it but you're right, we really do. I'm proud of you for how far you've come. You might want to let him know it's called "taking someone else's inventory" and it's quite codependent behavior!