Role reversal?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tryagain, Aug 16, 2015.

  1. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    A few months ago I declared myself "back", but I've not kept up with this great site too much lately bc things were amazingly stable for a change.
    I have two adult children. (See my signature) One I'd labelled Difficult Child, who nearly killed me with her rebellion and "bipolar " behavior ( more about that in a minute), and one Combo Difficult Child/easy child who didn't give trouble but couldn't launch successfully.
    To try and summarize: Unbelievably, Difficult Child has been re-evaluated and instead of bipolar, her psychiatrist (who's great) suspects it was a severe hormone dysregulation syndrome. She is now off all medications except for hormone therapy. (!!) This is the Difficult Child who broke things, wrecked the house, threatened me, tried suicide twice, and left town at 18 with a worthless scumbag. She now dates a very nice guy, is calm and enjoyable to be with, and is trying a new field of study at a community college. We are close for the first time in years. (If you read my old posts, your jaw will drop.)
    Meanwhile, combo Difficult Child easy child has become the Difficult Child.This once-sweet young man (late 20s) is so consumed with anxiety that he is often hateful and hard to be around. He still sees the psychiatrist.
    Of course, this is today's status. I am aware it could all change.
    I found an article in Psychology Today addressing the bipolar/hormone dysregulation issue.
    Has anyone else ever heard of something so bizarre? I feel I am in the twilight zone.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well, not that specific scenario. But I've seen enough in the last dozen years that there isn't much that is a surprise any more, especially in the mental health field. We humans are more complex than science would like us to believe. There is often more than one cause for a set of symptoms, and sometimes more than one cause active at the same time.
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  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thank you, tryagain.


    I read the article. It describes daughter. She has polycystic ovaries; every symptom described, she copes with. I am going to provide the link for daughter.

    Very happy for you and your daughter! Wishing you and your family well, tryagain.
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2015
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Try, I'm so glad for you and your daughter! I remember the terrible time you had with her.

    I haven't heard of hormones causing such a drastic deterioration in a young woman's behavior, but I will tell you that my son at one point was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on several mood stabilizers, including lithium, which didn't help him much. It seems that bipolar disorder has been the diagnosis du jour for the last few years, much like ADHD seemed to be 15 or 20 years ago.
  5. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Cedar, please let me know the outcome. Thank you for the kind words and support the past few years. This is the weirdest thing -every day I feel like I am maybe dreaming, scared I will wake up to find out it was just a dream. Trying to enjoy each day for what it is.
    Now if my son could only be so lucky. Sad to watch him suffer with crippling anxiety exacerbating his Aspie traits.
  6. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Daze, thank you. I hope that SOMETHING will help your son. Like your son, my daughter tried many bipolar medications and I would see limited improvement. I was exploring anything that might help. I need for my son to have a magic bullet, too. Keep me posted.
  7. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    So true. And a bit scary.
  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Try, I'm still waiting for the magic bullet to come along. He is better in some ways but like your son suffers from social and generalized anxiety that keeps him from creating a better life for himself. Our dream for him is that he become self supporting and have a life with friends and activities, but this may never come to pass. He is the only one that can do it, and he's got all the resources...a good highly recommended psychiatrist, a caseworker, a therapist, and a supportive family. He's been sober for 2 years and that has helped, but that's just one of his many problems.

    And I just read the article you posted. I hate how "fads" come and go in psychiatry. Now these "fads" can even be harmful...remember in the early part of the 20th century when they were doing lobotomies? I think labeling people who are irritable and non responsive to antidepressants bipolar is a fad, as was ADHD about 20 years ago. I resisted putting my kid on stimulants until he was 13, and even then despite all the Learning Disability (LD) support he was getting at school, and tutors, etc, I didn't see this miraculous transformation that we were assured would happen when I finally relented and put him on Adderal.

    I was so reluctant, because I just didn't see the science behind it. I just wasn't convinced it was right for him, but I relented anyway.

    I'm not saying that ADHD doesn't exist, or that people can't have bipolar symptoms that are subtle. Our kids are just too complicated to be labeled with a broad brush.
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  9. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Daze- I couldn't have said it better.
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to see you TryAgain! And, wow, that is amazing about your daughter, I'm happy for both of you. I too hope a magic bullet is found for your son. Enjoy all the precious moments with your daughter.....
  11. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Recovering, thank you. I am incredulous every day that she could be the same young woman who put me through holy h--- and caused me to find this site. She had every symptom of bipolar. I still think I'm in an altered state of consciousness. I want to "live in the moment" and enjoy, but I have so many emotional scars.

    I'm trying hard to trust again. I'm trying hard not to look at the bite scars on my arm from one of her psychotic attacks. I'm trying not to see the glued together sculpture she made me, then threw into the wall.

    I'm also trying to believe her when she swears she's trying to be a better person. I'm trying to not check up on her to see if she's lying.

    I'm trying to live up to my name-Tryagain.
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  12. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Could it be that the same issue ~ something to do with hormone regulation ~ could be the heart of the issue for both kids? For females, hormone imbalance can be linked together through the cyclic nature of events. We can track it and attach it to the menstrual cycle and sure enough, there are the ovarian cysts. For males, it would be more difficult to track visible levels, but...what if something to do with hormonal imbalance is at the heart of it for our male kids, too? In reading through the article again with this possibility in mind, I saw that males too can suffer hormone imbalance.

    Has your son seen an endocrinologist, Try?

    I am thinking about my own son here, too.

    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so get this Tryagain. Let's face it, we're only human........we've been for the most part, abused. It takes time to trust again and trust is earned, there is going to be a time span involved here.

    As it was a step by step experience to learn detachment, it is also, for me, a step by step experience to learn how to be with this new person who has shown up in my daughter's body. Each small (and large) change gives me a new opportunity to trust. Each time we interact, I learn more about how to connect and how to disconnect. We're both learning how to love each other in a new way. It can be weird and it can be's change.....takes time, takes commitment, takes willingness, takes acceptance...........

    Hang in there TryAgain, we're right there with you!