Scared to Death


New Member
I am very new to posting online and even newer to asking for help. I have a daughter who has just turned 18, is still in High School, and still lives at home. Her behavior of late has been, to be honest disrespectful, she constantly lies about everything. Even the smallest of things. She is now dating a "boy" who is for lack of a better term a thug. I recently found out she has been smoking pot with him, but to be honest I m not so sure that is all that she has been doing in regards to drugs. When she is home she secludes herself from the family in her room and just sits on her cell phone ( that I pay for). She is often sleeping the days away when she is home. When I look in her eyes it is really obvious as to what she is extremely high. Her behavior has always been somewhat horrendous. Only a few times being brought home by police ( shoplifting). But since she has started dating this boy, it has gotten so much worse. She has been skipping school, and where she once had straight a's in her ap classes is now failing. I am not sure what to do with her at this point. She says she is 18 and that even though she lives at home and is still in school she can and will do what she likes. I disagree. I feel that if she is living in my house that my rules apply. Which are mainly No drugs, and no skipping school. She goes out on weekends and drinks and does the smoking pot. I also have a younger daughter who is 13, and I don't like the example that she is setting for my younger daughter. Her father passed away 5 years ago, but was not active in her life before his passing. So it is just me who is dealing with this. I am scared that she will end up doing something I.E. drugs, alcohol overdose, theft or other breaking of the law. With all her issues before I still saw so much potential. Now I see her throwing her future away. I was thinking of shutting off her phone, but then I am scared if I do that then I will not be able to get a hold of her in an emergency. Any help, advice that anyone might have would be greatly appreciated.
Welcome and sorry you have to be here. You're lucky in one respect that you're catching this while your daughter is still young. Some of us, like me, just chalked up those behaviors to teen angst and pretty much lived in denial.

You're going to have to really get tough on her now.

Shes living in your house.. I don't care old she is,
Your house, Your rules
and if she doesn't follow them then there has to be consequences.

The shoplifting worries me. How many times has she done it and not gotten caught? and what is she doing with the stuff she steals? Is she selling it for drug money?
Is she stealing from you too?

If she broke one of your rules, like skipping school and you told her she wasn't allowed out for the weekend, would she stay in, or would she sneak out? I guess I"m really asking if you've got any control over her. If you do, then putting your foot down now and being firm about not tolerating her bad behavior could make a difference before it get's out of hand.

hugs, L


New Member
I have very limited control over her. My major problem has been that she will do well for a while and then BAM messes up. And while she is doing good I make the mistake of trusting her. She has stolen from me before. She was caught 3 times shoplifting. Not sure if she was stealing to buy pot or not. It was when she was 14 and 15. If I tell her no going out she has sneaked out but that was while my oldest who is 23 was watching her and I was in hospital. But most times she just throws a fit and generally makes life miserable for all of the others in our home, when she is told she cant do something. I love her but I can't keep letting her behavior affect my other children. But when I am there she can't sneak out because she has to walk past my room to do so and I am a very light sleeper. She cant go out her window as she is on the second floor of the house and her window is directly over a huge thorn bush. But like I said she likes to make everyone miserable when she doesn't get her way and I think she does it because she thinks I will just say fine whatever go or something. And when I don't she just shuts her self away in her room.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Hi Gabby. Is your daughter a senior? Is she on track to graduate on time?

She is at a very difficult age. There are things that you can do, though. Stop providing her all the comforts that come with being a contributing family member. Stop paying for her phone! If she wants a phone, she can get a job and pay for it. She would still be able to get a hold of you in an emergency. I guarantee every one of her friends have a phone. Or, in a true emergency, the police or hospital would contact you.

Stop giving her any money at all. It is just going to be used for buying drugs. Again, if she wants spending money she can get out of bed and get a job like the rest of us.

Personally, I would not keep her in your home. Look for a respected rehab facility and give her a choice of going to rehab or moving out. She is not going to suddenly stop using drugs or hanging out with her loser friends.

Keep posting. All of us have been in your shoes and we understand what you are going through. There are no right answers and take what advice you like and leave the rest.

One thing that really helped me when I first got here (over ten years ago) was a saying someone shared from AlAnon:

"You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."

I have seen a fourth "C" added, too. All you can do is learn to cope with it.


worried sick mother

Active Member
Your daughter is young, take action now. Absolutely don't let her live in your home and use drugs of any kind or skip school. It only gets harder as they get older and the longer they get by with it. I look back and wish that I would have done more when my son was younger. I mean not let him by with anything!