I have been on this site reading and searching and then searching some more. I appreciate each and everyone that has voiced their opinions. I have a busy life yet I find myself on this site constantly trying to make sense of the last awful thing that was done by my 35 year old bipolar daughter. I have not cut all communication with her YET. We still talk on the phone and text. I get a headache each time I get off the phone with her, I am ok with the texting. I guess why I am on here so much is because I am looking for direction and answers that feel right for me to make a positive move forward, a move that will benefit my entire family. My husbands new job is demanding and I do not want to burden him with our daughters nonstop bad decsions. So I tell myself not to mention her when he gets home, to just enjoy him and this beautiful weather, just give him a massage and try not to burden him with this huge problem. But then it bursts out of me like uncontrolled agony. His words to me are 'I have the A in the hole, she will not be able to rip us off again, I have it figured out. And yes I know we can get our money back from selling the house but where my deep pain comes from is the betrayal and lies and the disrespect and entitlement that I see coming from her. I see this ugly stuff coming out of my own daughter. There are periods here and there that I think she is coming around and going to get better and then she hits us with an axe like this last stunt. I also need direction on how to get rid of the feeling like an idot. I think back at myself and remind myself that I am not perfect, that I make lots of mistakes but there is no way I can justify my daughters mistakes, they are all on a level I have no idea about. I am getting chest pains and weird infections and I know it is because my immune system has been harmed by the shock of my daughters behavior.The pain is unreal, like deep soul pain. Even though I had a shift in thinking I still struggle with this awful feeling that I have a daughter and then I don't have a daughter. I certainly do not have a friend in her. Betrayal hurts horribly. I also believe strongly in KARMA, what goes around comes around and I just hate to see her have to eat her own self made B.S. I have also noticed a smirk or grin when she thinks she has overpowered me with pain. To say my heart is broken in an understatement. I am devestated at her latest attack. I did see it coming yet I just hoped it would blow over and start to get better, it just did not this time. I did notice in the past that when she started down an awful road she would slowly get out of it but this time she went down that dark alley all the way. I exercise and eat right which is on my side but still this pounding agony is something I really have to work on. The holidays are coming and I miss my deceased son so much. He was an active child but he had a heart of gold. He was honest and kind and helpful around the house. He was loyal and protective of us. I have asked myself many times if his death is making my daughters behavior feel worse and the answer is NO, I have actually cut her more slack because I am a bereaved mother. Cutting her slack does not help her, it just makes her take that much more advantage over us. My daughters live in boyfriend was a piece of work but I feel sorry for him. He started developing hard knots in his chest from the stress of living with her. I am sure his mother has had it with both of them and told him to get out of the relationship. He lives with his mother some of the time when they fight, he is 43 years old. Both my daughter and her boyfriend are the babies in the family. I have friends that have absolutely NO contact with their adult child. I see the pain and agony on their faces and the grief in their walk and how they hold their bodies. I see the broken spirits and questions on what went wrong. I see the raw pain as they cannot hardly talk about it. I know way to many parents like this, it is an epidemic. I do not want to be one of those parents yet I have been one of those parents. The void is huge. Busy does not fill that void. Just like nothing I can say or do can fill the hole and void my son's death has left me. In many ways her behavior is more grieving than my son's death because she has a choice, she can make it better but she chooses to live on the dark side, doing ill things. She uses her brothers death as an excuse to continue the garbage. Today is a new day and I will do the best I know how with this grief.