Sent home from camp

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Running_for_the_shelter, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Haven't posted in a while -- things were going relatively well. Not now. difficult child was at a school outdoor camp -- first time away he ever spent a night away from us. Supposed to be a three day trip. Can you say "trepidation"? He made it two days but was sent home today.

    I was assured very few children have ever been sent home from this program. Tried to get husband to be a chaperone -- school (and his doctor) thought it would be better if difficult child went alone. And now husband is driving to the camp to pick him up for threatening to kill someone who made him angry. As far as I can tell, he didn't actually even touch anyone, just threatened.

    I don't know how he is going to handle going back to school after this. I am so sad. difficult child will feel so hurt and ashamed. I'm not looking for anyone to say that someone else (school folks, camp folks, anyone) should have done this or should have done that. I wish I could help him more. I've tried to give him every tool I have painfully learned over the years (I'm just like him) but he doesn't understand yet.

    He was so happy and excited about going to camp. And now.... my heart is just breaking for him. How is he going to face all of the people at school now? I feel so helpless and sad.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Poor kid. Sorry that happened. How I have to help my difficult child face a new day after such an awful explosion???? We focus on it just being a mistake. We all make mistakes. Tomorrow is a new day. We start over and the only way to make things better is to show them all!

    I dont know if he is too obsessive about what went wrong to do that (I get that way myself at times, but work hard to talk my self out of it) but it is something we all have to learn. EVERY single person on earth has a bad moment.

    Hope their ride home goes well. Thinking of you, Buddy
  3. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    I hate it when the doctor backs the school.
    Mommy gut is usually right.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} It really hurts to watch our kids implode socially. I hope everyone (school, psychiatrist & difficult child) can learn from this and he'll be better supported the next time this sort of opportunity comes up.

    FWIW, last year I had been trying to warn Duckie's teacher for weeks that she needed a different approach but she didn't alter how she dealt with Duckie until she saw the results: over two hours of meltdown in her classroom. Nothing violent, just sobbing and being inconsolable. I couldn't make her understand that Duckie's tough-as-nails exterior was just a front for a very scared and confused little girl... but all the teacher saw was willfulness. I think a lot changed that day when Duckie broke down and the teacher changed her tune (finally). It saddened me, though, that Duckie was pushed to a very humiliating point in front of her peers. The good news is that she appears to have recovered well this year. I hope the same holds true for your difficult child.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I'm with Soapbox. It's really hard when WE are the only ones that see the problems and see the solutions and everyone else acts like WE'RE delusional. If it was the first time he'd slept away from you, that alone is HUGE. Talk about the anxiety he must have been feeling. Add to that the fact that kids don't SLEEP as much or as well when they are in a setting like that. What a recipe for disaster. Poor kid. Tell him he did well for a first time.....he slept away from home for two whole days!!! He should be proud of that!

    difficult child 2 got sent home after 2 nights at a week-long camp. difficult child 1 came REALLY close to being sent home after the first night of a 2 night-3 day trip over New Year THIS year. He has slept away from home before but never in this particular kind of setting. He NEVER gets enough sleep when he's away from us and it takes 2 full days/nights to get it back.

    I hope he does okay with a lot of pep talk. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both. I am sooooo proud of him for handling a brand new stressful situation for TWO days!!
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would find out what made him so mad. Those school "outdoor ed" trips are a hot spot for bullying and sexual harassment. He may not be the one in the wrong.
  7. Thanks, everyone, for your support. Just knowing you folks are there is very helpful. He wouldn't talk last night. Amazingly, the school is insisting he come to school today! [It's a regular school day, after all, and there were children who didn't go on the trip still going to school.] So now he is supposed to go to school dog-tired, angry, ashamed, and somehow participate in school activities, including a "welcome back" pizza lunch for the returning campers? My mind reeled. Now, I'm hearing this second-hand since I didn't go pick him up. Even easy child (who isn't very easy child these days) is amazed. "He got home at midnight! And they think he's going to behave? He barely behaves when he's had a full night's sleep!" A 13-year-old gets it...

    I realize he has to face them all for "the first time" sometime and there is an advantage to getting it all over with so it isn't hanging over his head all weekend. But it's good to face the world fully rested. Sigh.

    Thanks again -- and I will definitely focus on letting him know I was proud of him for holding it together for as long as he did.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Personally, getting home that late after what he's been through, I would have called him in "sick". He deserved a break not have MORE stress added on top of more insufficient sleep. Poor kid. hope the day was at least tolerable for him. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to him AND you for being so supportive of him. He needs that.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope you called him in sick. in my opinion they are sick and should not be inflicted upon him. It is just sick to think that he should go and be expected to be "fine" when they kicked him out so late in the evening. in my opinion every 24hrs at camp should count as 3 school days - even if they slept the hours should count.

    How insane is the situation when a 13yo (a time when the brain is not developed enough to have reliably sound judgement) can see the lack of sense in the school's expectations.

    If the school gives you problems for keeping him home, go on the offensive about how they set him up to fail on the trip and then wanted to set him up for further failure by expecting him to go to school with little sleep and no time to cool down after the problems on the trip.

    People/systems that treat our kids like this make me truly wish I did have some magic power and could hex them. If MY wishes were horses, these people would be trampled by a stampede and buried in manure.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    HI, just checking in to see how his day went? Did he decide to go to school?? Tell him his board auntie is proud he lasted longer than I did my first sleep away camp!
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    HUGS....Odd, I was just thinking about you last night, since I have not seen you on the board in such a long time. I am so sorry it was because of this. Give him lots of hugs - and I agree with JJJ - find out what *really* happened. There is a lot of unstructured time in these camps.
  12. Hello, all! When husband took him to school we learned .... he also has a three-day suspension! Nice. So they went home. From what I can figure out, difficult child was being kind of obnoxious and the other kids pretended to call his dad. This upset him and he spiraled out of control. Just words, though ... but in California, it's "making a terrorist threat"! I need to get out of this flipping state.

    difficult child still won't talk to me about it, which is a little different.

    Thanks again for all the good thoughts!
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I swear I get so flipping burger mad at stupid administrators who act like they have no mind of thier own. for cripes sake.... I know he is not on an IEP but the law says that they can absoutely consider special needs when looking at consequences....

    No research anywhere supports zero tolerance and in fact serious issues have increased since it's inception. Really is frustrating and so useless to a child.

    My friend's son got in trouble for drawing a picture of an airplane over the school with bombs coming out... really??? Like where is he gonna get a plane and bombs? He is part middle eastern, had just returned from Iran and had lived that life... it was how he was processing things. (quite a while ago) This boy is autistic, no doubt about it, not borderline, not high functioning... and he got suspended for drawing the picture.

    People are nuts. NO COMMON SENSE
  14. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It's considered terroristic threats in MN too IF the person making the accusation BELIEVES it was meant that way. I agree, that you at least need to get out of that SD. You REALLY need to get an advocate to fight for an IEP. Did they do strictly academic evaluations when they "evaluated him for Special Education services"? You can appeal their denial also. You also have the FEDERAL right to ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation (at school's expense). But, you REALLY need an yesterday!!
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrrgghghh! That was way out of line, totally unrelated to why that rule was made.
    I am so sorry.