Sexualized behaviour towards adults from teen girl


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Couple years ago our respite child 'Girlie', now 14, started to behave in ways that ended up her becoming our foster child. She is an oldest of bigger sibling group. Father is out of the picture, disapeared right after getting permanent residency, when Girlie was four years old and his three kids have heard from him only couple times since. Mother has since had few relationships and more kids. Second oldest from the sibling group is severly special needs child and third 'Boyo', also our respite child, is light Aspie. Younger ones are more typical, but it is still a lot. Their mother tries her best, but... We have been respite parents for Girlie and Boyo several yeras.

Girlie was a parentified child, took care of the younger siblings, her mother reiled way too much on her. Girlie is smart and capable but when the puberty hit, her behaviours changed dramatically and she got into trouble. Alcohol, drugs, unappropriate relationships, thieving and other criminal behaviour, running away from home, not going to school etc. CPS removed her from the home and she stayed on kind of a therapeutic resident placement for couple of months and after that it was decided that we would move from respite parenting to foster parenting her. She didn't want to live with her mother nor did the mother feel up to dealing with her. Most of her behaviours are more appropiate now. Strucuture, discipline, being allowed to be a kid, attention etc. has helped a lot. She goes to school, gets decent grades, acts up at home but haven't been in any serious trouble outside of the home in a year now.

One behaviour we are uncomfortable and little bit at loss how to handle is sexualised behaviour towards my husband. It is not all the time, most of the time she relates to him more appropriate way (thinks he is a bore and an idiot, but hey, she is 14) but at times she is very flirtatious or behaves 'seductive' like she would imitate some teen porn imaginery. Understanably husband finds that very uncomfortable and is in loss how to react. Mostly he pretends not to notice. If there is some clear behaviour that one can point out to be inappropiate we do so while trying not to make her feel bad about herself, but a lot of it is just uncomfortable but difficult to put into words. Looking certain way while licking lips etc. Provocative behaviour, but not something that would be easy to tell her not to do. Her therapist has not been much help in this. They are working on something else and her advice to us is mostly just not make her feel bad about her looks etc.

We do not know for sure, but it is likely she has been sexually exploited in some point of her life and she does have lots of other baggage. Father ditching her and only using them for a residency, being double minority (her mother is local ethnic minority, same as me and husband) and her father is different race than most people around here, complicated family situation, being parentified etc.


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Maybe a new therapist could counsel her and explain why her behavior is inappropriate. Her father is out of the picture, which is probably the reason she's doing this. I think she craves male attention, even if it's in a warped way. This was the case with another girl I knew, except she was doing this to her teacher.

The other problem is how celebrity women and models are exploited. It makes some girls want to be like them.
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I have no advice, just sorry your family is dealing with this behavior. If it continues, would having her placed with a different foster family be possible? Ksm


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Unless someone can think of a better idea, I think you are left with only one choice: take her aside casually and say something like, I know you don’t even realize that you are doing it, but when you do (this) and (this) it is inappropriate and makes people feel uncomfortable.

Make it lighthearted and not in any accusing way. Give her the benefit of the doubt that it is an unconscious practice that she just needs to be aware of.

You have to weigh the options of mentioning it or leaving it alone, and the possible outcomes of doing each, and I think leaving it alone is the more risky option.

We have all had to correct our kids behaviors at different points in their lives; I don’t think this is any different.