She had an awesome day, and then blew it at 1:50pm

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Adarob, Feb 14, 2012.

  1. Adarob

    Adarob New Member

    She was not allowed to ride bus home
    Class was on playground and it started raining, Faith refused to come in. Principal was called. She ignored him. Vice Principal was called. She was able to get Faith to walk with her. After they finally got her inside they called me and she had crawled under a table and wouldn't come out.

    @Home- Faith threw a tantrum because she lost her DVD player for lying to me about not having homework and lost her Nintendo DS because she did not finish a book report in class. She just refused to finish it.
    She brought me the DVD player but said she would not bring me the DS, told me that I could only have one. I told her she could either bring it to me or I would go get it and if I had to get it I was taking more stuff away. She screamed, jumped, stomped her feet and then slammed the door to her room. I went in and took the DS. She was screaming "No! No!" at me, and pulling on my arms to try and get it back from me.
    I walked out of the room and shut the door. When I left she was on the bed crying.
    She then came out of her room, screamed "I hate you!" and slammed the door again. I told her if she slammed that door one more time I was going to spank her.

    So of course, she opened it again just to slam it.

    I went in her room and told her to roll over (she was lying on the bed). She refused. I tried to roll her over and she kicked me in the face, I am unsure if it was intentional or not.. At this point I walked away, for fear of hurting her out of anger.

    We have used spanking before as a last resort and she has never tried to "fight" us off before. It's obviously not working anymore so we won't use it after this, but this was the thing that all we had to do was say the word "spank" and she would straighten right up.

    I feel horrible. It is rare for her to act out at home but when she does it makes me feel sick, my BiPolar (BP) goes sky high, I feel nauseous and then I feel like a really ****y parent.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    been there done that.
    Not quite as violent, but... seriously. End of day, already overloaded, and then both a transition point AND a rain-out?

    I didn't have to read the rest of your post to envision the possible sequence of events (at a high level).

    "SOMETHING" is causing the burnout.
    You need to find it.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    For, difficult child 1 if the punishment is not in his mind related to what he's losing, he tantrummed. I had to make the consequences as "natural" as possible. Taking a toy away for lying made NO sense to him. It just wasn't logical to him. Things have been a LOT more peaceful since I started changing MY thinking. Please don't assume any of it is intentional. Think OUTSIDE the box. What you find illogical will end up being her logic. PLEASE read "the" books we recommended. ALL of her behavior is expressing things she CAN'T express with words for whatever reason. You need to figure out what she's TRYING to say.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo: <LIKE> <LIKE> (have to improvise...!)
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Adarob... This does NOT make you a "bad" parent. We (many of us on this board) have had to learn that when you parent a child who is not "neurotypical", then the "normal" parenting techniques do not work. These kids need to be parented differently. It is a learning curve. But the more you can figure out where she is coming from and why, the easier it will be to parent her.
  6. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    How long ago did you notice your daughter having a behavior issue? My son is 6 and in first grade and this is the first year there been an issue. He was always sort of wild and a lil defiant, but he did well in all day kindergarten and daycare before that. This year I had teachers calling me the first day and it's just been one issue after another since then. His pediatrician diagnosed him ADHD in Oct. My sister who is in grad school for psychology swore he was ODD but yesterday I had an evaluation by a psychologist who thinks it's ADHD and anxiety. He said ODD is a symptom or a part of ADD. Does your daughter have trouble paying attention or staying still? Good luck and feel better, I know how awful it feels after those huge blowups!
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    THAT makes a lot more sense. That is essentially what our neuropsychologist said was difficult child 1's main issue. His anxiety is a killer. If he can't do or say it just right or understand something, his anxiety immediately goes nuclear.
    THAT sounds like a GOOD therapist. That's what many of us wish more professionals understood.

    Sorry Adarob but I just had to comment on Mama Raygun's post. The RIGHT diagnoses can make ALL the difference.
  8. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    Yes I feel much better getting a proper diagnosis, now my concern is that the metadate his pediatrician has him on can't be helping the anxiety!! They are setting up an appointment w a psychiatrist hopefully it won't take too long. My son also gets frustrated very easily if he can't get something right. It's so hard seeing them suffer!! I just want to fix everything for him!! :(
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh wow, even once you figure out what does work for her....I suspect you will have still what I call "bad mommy moments" not that I am a bad mommy but I have some bad moments for sure! (and lots of daydreams about really bad mommy moments, LOL) One time Q hit me so hard I felt like I could lunge at him and hurt him back... it was so automatic it scared me and I felt like something in me had snapped or broken and maybe I couldn't be his mom anymore. I didn't and really had to work to even feel loving toward him for a couple of days. Partly I was thinking I had to separate my heart from him a little in case I had to send him to a residential living facility instead of caring for him at home.... Partly because I felt really hurt and sad. Knowing of his issues didn't make me emotionally feel less upset that time. I didn't even know I could feel aggressive like that and it gave me some insight to what he must feel over and over all day... it is such an automatic urge and it feels almost driven... by chemicals or whatever causes that when you go into fight/flight.

    What helped me is talking because when I heard myself say the right thing to do it slowed me down, allowed me to let go and to have it in my more conscious mind when he had struggles like that. Can only talk to someone who really understands though. I am lucky to have that and get validation that this was totally normal. Sure didn't feel that way at the time or any of the times since when I just feel so angry with him.....

    Keep digging, for us, every little piece of the puzzle addressed really does help.
  10. Adarob

    Adarob New Member

    Really just this school year. We had some bumps in Kindergarten, but 1st grade was awesome. Now 2nd is a disaster.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Definitely anxiety.
    And whatever else.
    Sounds a lot like my son.
    One thing I have learned to do it NOT to go back in and bug him. See how you got kicked? It's like that. Typical. Just leave her alone, even if it takes several hrs and she doesn't finish her schoolwork. Tomorrow is another day.
    Do not give back the game until she finishes it, though, even if it takes 3 days. You can make it work. Just be strong and cover your ears.
    So sorry.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I don't remember if we already asked... has she ever had an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory and motor skills issues? If not, you might want to look into it. Either set of issues can cause HUGE problems with school, and if these are the problem then it will only get worse as school becomes more complex.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Did she say that she liked standing in the rain? My son loves it, for whatever reason. Why did she not want to go back in?
  14. Adarob

    Adarob New Member

    She doesn't have any sensory or motor skill issues.

    She said she just didn't feel like going inside.
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Just to clarify... are you saying she was TESTED for sensory and motor skills, and nothing was found?
    Or just that she doesn't seem to have these issues?

    There is a huge difference between those two situations.

    The reason I'm bringing this up is that kids with neuro-motor issues often CAN do what other kids do... but it comes at the cost of multiple times more effort to do so. They want to be like others, so they pour everything into doing so... and have nothing left before the day is out. It may not be obvious at all... but the kind of testing an Occupational Therapist (OT) does, would show these kinds of issues...
  16. Boston32

    Boston32 New Member

    This sounds so much like the issues I am having with my daughter. She is also 7, in 2nd grade and on the verge of being suspended. She got suspended once last year. She has anger management issues and lashes out if something isn't going her way. She screamed at and hit a teacher last weekkThe violent temper tantrums at home are horrendous and happen just about on a daily basis. I wish I could be more help but maybe it helps to know someone else is going through a similar situation. I am also painfully embarrassed by her behavior because I know that parents of classmates talk and I can just feel the judgement on our family. If only those parents could walk one mile in these shoes...