Going to enjoy a glass of wine before bed and enjoy my peace. Praying that God protects and guides my wayward adult child now that she is truly on her own.
This is good Teacher, a nice glass of wine and peace. When the situation with my two became so overwhelming that I just couldn't handle it anymore (and this was actually after
the peaceful feeling of them leaving) I gave them to God. When I find my thoughts spinning with worry over them, I say a quick prayer, it helps to calm me.
While it was difficult living with them
, with all of the chaos and drama, I found that the days, and weeks after they left, was when the real work started. It was because there began this feeling of worry, then emptiness, and self examination,
running the tapes over and again of what I may have done to cause this, what I coulda, shoulda, woulda done differently, and on and on. I think it is something we all can slide into, the anger had passed and I was left with all of the intense feelings of losing two adult children and my grands, but they still walked the earth. It is a strange feeling. It is important to bolster and restrengthen, build yourself back up. Dealing with and without
d cs is stressful and tiring.
Be sure to take very good care of yourself.
Be very kind to yourself.
Take time to do things you enjoy.
You have value, you matter.
As long as you give, she will take. As long as you are responsible for her, she won't be responsible for herself. Childhood is over but they want all the freedom from responsibility that comes as a child along with the right to do as they please as adults. They cannot have it both ways.
So very true. I come to see that my two, have the maturity level of middle school age at times. I see their behavior, particularly towards me, as that of teens who are struggling for their independence, acting out but still dependent. I think our adult d cs are much like this when they live in our homes. Wanting help, but defiant in their actions. It is as if they are saying, "Help me!!!!" Then, "Why are you helping me? I am an adult, I will do as I please." It is rather ridiculous. We know it, and deep down inside, so do they. The disrespect and disregard for property got more and more brazen, almost as if to say, "What are you going to do about this?" Like taunting........that's it, it is almost as if our d cs are taunting us with their choices.
Interestingly, when their behavior forces us to make moves to set boundaries, remove them from our homes, etc. they act nonchalant, or surprised, sometimes angry and indignant. My two blamed me for all of their problems "I am this way because of you!"
These kids have a whole different worldview. One that we surely did not teach them, it is very puzzling, to say the least.
Guard your heart. It is strange to write this to a mom. It is necessary though, because it is true what others have written, our d cs when out of the house can be very manipulative, to try to get back into our good graces, ie back home.
Guard your heart and work very hard to learn all you can.
You have done very well to take steps to change what was happening in your home.
I am finding that detaching also has to do with unraveling my feelings from the tangled web woven by my d cs.
It is not that I do not love them, but I do not want to be continually hurt by their choices.
It took some work to separate from that web.
I am sending good thoughts to you and your daughter, and hopes and for her to use her wings to fly in the right direction.
This is a pivotal moment for the both of you.
Prayers for you both in your new beginnings.