Silent Treatment

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Nov 15, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    What's the longest you've gone in a relationship without talking? husband and I are on almost 24 hours since I blasted him about messes. He's mad at me for being a witch and I'm mad that he's mad, etc. Too stupid and funny to elaborate on. Partly it is the hormones because I have that edge that was gone for a while. The need to be right winning out over the need for peace which is normally what I go for. I'm the peace at any price kind of gal, or at least I was.

    Anyway husband is better at it than I am. I'm MUCH better at arguing. I know we're being silly and if I'm smart I'll swallow my pride and bring him a cup of coffee here in a few minutes and wake him up with a smile.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Something must be in the air. husband and I are giving each other the silent treatment, too. We're having our three-times-a-year (stupid) argument about how much time we're spending at our parents' houses over the upcoming holiday (our parents live 20 minutes away from each other in Connecticut). I really would love to just stay home and celebrate Thanksgiving at home, but then our kids would never get to see their grandparents. Nothing like a holiday to bring out the best in a family--ha, ha, ha.
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    24 hours? Shoot...that's child's play. We've gone weeks. I am not a person to argue unless you pin me in a corner. That's when all hades breaks loose. I've learned to avoid those corners by simply taking a walk or something like that.

    I think that when someone goes silent, they are ultimately mulling through in their head what is going on, probably the hardest is that they were wrong and know it. That is when I see H frantically doing stuff but not saying a word. I don't mean to stereo type, but I think the process of admitting that is a lot harder for men.

    Just my thoughts.

  4. ML

    ML Guest

    ((((Smallworld)))) I know you will find a compromise. The holidays do tend to bring out the best in us lol.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    Thanks, Abbs. I'm going to bring husband that coffee and be the bigger person. I do think it's easier for women sometimes. Hugs :) ML
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That is one of the things we resolved not to do at the very beginning of our marriage. I am better at arguing and logic and he is far better at silence and passive aggression.

    We did a lot of Al Anon at the start of our marriage because we each had problems from a family member's drinking. His was his dad and mom but mostly after high school, and mine was my bro for years of my childhood.

    So that was a big deal for me, the al anon. I did NOT want the child I was carrying to grow up with that problem.

    We don't go to sleep unless we have worked it out. Sometimes we come to an agreement because we are just too tired to argue, LOL!

    It sounds simplistic, but it really has done wonders for us.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    ML, sometimes it's the smallest things that make the biggest difference. I'm sure he'll love the cup of coffee and maybe even chat a bit. :)

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    As Tom Petty says, "I won't back down. You could stand me up at the gates of hell but I won't back down. Hey, baby. There ain't no easy way out."

    I'm not quite that bad, but husband and I both know that if we don't eventually clear the air it will just crop back up again.

    Good luck!
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hope you two find middle ground without much more time passing.

    My S/O and I don't do well when we don't get along. Its taken time, but we've come to a point where if tempers flare we tend to go quiet for a hour or two, usually staying out of one anothers way in the house. Eventually it's always S/O who starts talking again. He always does something ridiculous like tuck a shirt into his pants, pull the waistband to his armpits, hunch over and come loping out all hunch backed with a cup of tea as a peace offering. I always crack up laughing, it breaks the ice. It's our "way" now of arguing ;). It also symbolizes when we are reading to talk with better reception to one another. We've gotten so silly that last time it happened, i merely LOUDLY filled the kettle and got it started, set my tea cup with tea bag in it, and walked away. Sign for him to make my tea and stop ignoring me ;).
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    husband and I have never done the silent treatment.

    But I've given my kids the silent treatment a few times..........when they couldn't treat me with respect. I think the longest was a couple of weeks. I wasn't the one to break the silence.

    I'm stubborn......far more stubborn than any of my kids. lol

    husband and I put down ground rules for fighting when we were first married. They are rules we've never broken. No silent treatment was one of them.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well I hope the coffee idea works out for you. The longest H and I have gone is 3 weeks...with good reason, as I would not have had anything cordial to say if we had spoken sooner. As it was, we really only talked about things that are ordinary and mundane nothing of any real depth or value. It took about 3 months for us to finally laugh again. It was a difficult time. It is also something I don't want to ever go through again. We're still working on it.

    And there must be something cosmic going on because we seem to really be bugging each other a lot lately!! Hahaha.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope the coffee helped and the argument is over! My mom was an expert at the silent treatment and it used to drive our entire family nuts. Usually she used it on Dad but sometimes on the three of us as well. easy child has tried it with me and I told her how much she was acting like my mom when I was a kid. She didn't like that comparison and hasn't used it since then.