So the hardest month will be December I predict

[GuideMe]

difficult child has been very anxiously lately, because she knows my lease is about to end. This is making her highly upset and I got a little bit of her anger just now. I am a horrible parent, I can't survive with out her (which I'm sorry, I just died in hysterics and still am, but she truly believes that which makes it not funny and just angers me) how can I leave her out onto the streets, no other parent does this to their children but me (name one other person she says; oh I can name many dear). So I got a taste of it today.

So this leads me to believe that December, if you get down to bras tax, my safety will be in danger. I think the last week of December I am going to have to sneak out quietly and move. I will have to lie to her as well and make her believe that she is coming with me before I move out. That will leave her in here for a week by herself and I am very worried about what she might do to the place once she realizes I was lying. Hopefully, she doesn't figure me out because I totally STINK at lying. I really am horrible. I have just come to accept what will be, will be. I can't worry about because I have no control. I will just be sure to document everything before I leave. But for the rest of November, I am just going to go numb and try not to think about the impending doom. That thinking is reserved for December. I just have to make sure to eat healthy, get enough rest and gear up for December. Can't believe this is my life.

 

[BusynMember]

I would cover yourself. Tell the local police your plan and why so if anything happens, well, you warned them. If your safety is at stake, absolutely let her think she's going with you as long as you reside with her. I am big on safety and doing all you can to ensure you are safe. You may want to move things a very little at a time so she doesn't notice.

I can understand how horrible your situation is. I know about being lousy at lying as well because I am like you. I hope you have some good folks who understand and can help you get this done. Take each day at a time. That has really helped me. I used to leap forward sometimes by years in my thinking and that lead to horrible panic attacks, as I fantacized well into the future instead of focusing on what needed to be done NOW.

We are here for you.

 

[GuideMe]

Thank you so much MWM. Even though she is doing so much better, she really is, I am not naive enough to think a relapse won't happen. In fact, I'm darn skippy it will. I am glad you agree with me about not letting her onto my plans, I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, but now I am sure. And I am also sure that I will have no guilt. I am ready for it to happen. She had more than ample time and chances to prepare for this, lord knows I gave her years of warning which she all the sudden has amnesia about. I am happy that I can write this all down because it reminds me. She is so good at manipulating me. Anyway, we do have to live apart, that I am sure of, no matter what. She is very entitled , and that is about to get nip in the bud. It's just time is going SO slow.

I was thinking of the positives of having her best friend here, and one just popped into my mind. Should difficult child relapse and have an anger outburst towards me, she would NEVER hit me in front of her friends, especially this best friend, and this best friend would protect me too if it ever came to that. Plus, difficult child would never show that side of herself in front of her friends. Yes, she will scream and hollar at me in front of them if she got angry enough, but she would never lay a hand on me because she knows that hitting your mother puts you into misfit land with no friends. She did lose one good friend due to it before in the past, so she knows. So at least that's one good thing about having her friend here, I do feel protected.

There I found a positive. However, I would like to say, and remind myself that difficult child has been showing so much improvement and really doing well. She starts her new job on Wed. She's got things in order. Yeah, she got mad at me today about the moving thing, but she didn't take it to the next level. I was proud of her for restraining herself. This is all my PTSD talking and worrying about the what if's because I been there, I know. I just need to write these things out so I can remind myself to keep the boundries up, rules in place and the momentum going for a more positive future.

 

[Tanya M]

You are doing what you are doing because you have to guard your safety and sanity. I totally agree with MWM in notifying the police. It's not an easy thing you are going to do but you will get through it.

 

[Albatross]

I agree with the above, Guide. Your safety is the paramount thing. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

 

[Aimless]

I'll be praying for your safety and for peace to be upon your home. Maybe you could request a sheriff's deputy to be with you when you do decide to advise her that you have chosen to part company with her thru this move. If she acts out, it would be safer for you and your valid concerns well documented. Hopefully you can focus on your new place and delight in the new season you are embarking on!