I know the feeling of dread when there is a change in the girlfriend situation. I feel bad admitting this. If dread is what I feel, then how healthy of a relationship could it have been? Yes, I don’t want to be my son’s emotional crutch, but I shouldn’t have felt relief that someone else was playing that role. At the end of the day, these guys stay ill in these relationships. Maybe safer in the sense that they don’t walk out into traffic, but with something like terminal illness.
I know it’s scary to think of them feeling desperate and self-destructive but maybe you can manage your anxiety by trying to reframe this as an opportunity for him to reflect. He has been spiraling for a while, even in the relationship.
I think the best we can do is to be the eye of the storm and exude some confidence (maybe even if it’s false for now) that he wants control over his own happiness. And ultimately wants to fire the untreated alcoholism and anxiety that are unfortunately, his bosses for now.