Sobering and worrying thoughts

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    I had a text convo with difficult child yesterday. He told me that 3 people have died in the last week down there!
    Two were ex-clients that left and one was someone who was on a pass home and was braindead and they were pulling the plug yesterday. I am so sad for those families. It is every parents worse nightmare. I also am sure it is hard on all the folks that are there, both residents and staff. I am hoping my difficult child sees it as a very sobering reality about drug use. I asked him if it was due to overdoses and he did not respond.

    I feel worried because my difficult children fb page has been dark and worrisome... mostly lyrics from songs but still very dark.

    I got a call from his PO asking for info about where he is ... it would be best of course if he contacted her but I am going to give her the info today.... and that gives me a reason to call the place and check in about these deaths.


    That thread I did not get to respond to about difficult children "performing" depression fits my difficult child very well. He is so out there sometimes with his fb posts and stuff... he has felt suicidal before and I believe that but he also definitely wants the attention it sometimes brings him.

    I don't know. I feel worried today.... and know that I need to just keep going on with my day somehow.

  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    We are so living parrellel lives with this right now. My difficult child's posts are very dark and worrisome, too. She even posted that someday she will be gone and everyone will be sorry, etc. It makes me scared to death. And then the next day things are great and the following day she is back down again. She slept in a laundrymat last night because she had nowhere to go. I know the best thing for us to do is stay away from their Facebook page but I can't help it. It is a compulsion. I know how you feel!! (((HUGS)))

    Just remember, we cannot save them. As sad and horrible as that is. They have to save themselves. :(
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    You are so right... we can't save them. I saw your post about your daughter in the laundrymat and i thought too gosh there are so many similarities between us!!! I did call the place and although I wasn't able to talk to the main guy I did confirm that there has been 1 death and 2 are in the hospital on life support. All overdoses... 1 left the program the other 2 on passes home!! I think that is what makes this so hard though.. knowing what could happen.

    And yeah right now I am compulsively checking fb again.... when he doesnt communicate with me it is my one way to get an inkling of how he is doing. However it is not really very informative since all he posts is dark song lyrics.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can only imagine how you felt when he shared the news. Obviously I don't know the demographics or anything about the placement...but is there valid reason to be concerned about the supervision or care? Three in a week sounds over the top from an outsiders point of view.

    Sending supportive hugs to you and your family. DDD
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm in that same boat with both you and pg right now. Things I have seen on text and fb and cell phone records have me worried too.

    Since difficult child had gone into treatment in Aug 2010 there have been at least 8 deaths of people she has known. One if them she was going to move in with and the next week he was dead of a heroin overdose.

    I hope this sobering news has the right effect on him.

    Last edited: Feb 2, 2012
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    So many of us have these fears for our difficult child's. I do not know how we get through some days let alone live our lives to their fullest but we can and we often do. I think because we have each other to seek advice from, vent to and cheer us on we can push through the pain. But honestly I do not think I would be a parent in my next life especially if I had the knowledge I have now and a choice. This is just too hard and seeing other people witth less painful lives, can make me depressed and sometimes even jealous.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh yeah. I often feel jealous when friends post pictures of themselves with their daughters and everyone looks so perfect and happy. All I can think is how nice that must be and how I wish I had that. :(
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I used to have my easy child#1. We were mother /daughter and the best of friends. But since her head injury, I have lost even that and that was one of the things that kept me going. Now she is all wrapped up in herself and her problems. She doesn't even return my phone calls sometimes for weeks at a time. Three of my children didn't even acknowledge husband and my 40th wedding anniversary. They knew we were celebrating it with a lovely night in the city ie; dinner and a show but not even a phone call or a card. Only easy child/difficult child, who is temporarily living wirth us, said Happy Anniversary. Not even a post on my FB page got a response from my daughters. i would expecxt that from my difficult children but not from easy child. I understand easy child's life is often overwhelming and her marriage is in trouble but the thing is, as soon as she needs me she calls. A brain injury has turned my daughter into a difficult child and I really didn't and still don't have the stamina for another one.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    DDD - I would be worried if the overdoses had happened while at the place. They all happened while when the person went home!!! That of course is scary too.... but they did not happen while they were in the program. It just shows though how easily relapses can happen and how scary they can be.

    Through my work I see windows into other peoples lives... and really there are many people out there in different sorts of pain... we often dont know about it. So all those happy families may have things going on that you don't know about!!! At least that is what I often tell myself. LOL.... and I do appreciate the good things I have which can help.

  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM I think I would choose a different course for my next life too.

  11. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I think that it is only natural for us to be jealous of all those stories about perfect, happy families. It is so true that we have to lead parallel lives, because we have to keep living our lives while also dealing with the pain and worry of these kids that we love. I have not told many friends about my difficult child and his drug problems, and so I feel like I am living a lie when people ask me about his graduation and college choices. I have gotten very good at giving non-answers, like we have no idea what is happening in the future with this kid, and then changing the subject to something else. Thank goodness I have a couple of very good friends who I can talk to about difficult child, who will not judge me or criticize my parenting. And thank goodness for this community, because I don't feel like I am the only one who is dealing with a drug abuse in the family.

    I am sorry for all the deaths that your difficult child told you about, Tough Lovin. That really is a parent's worst nightmare...
    Sending you HUGS...
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    These death stories hit us hard. I will never forget the night I got the phone call from Cory with him almost delirious on the other end of the phone telling me that I had to come get Keyana because one of his friends had just died in front of his house! It was the most awful thing I think he (and all the rest of those kids) have had to go through. Even Keyana had to see it.

    This poor boy got ticked off at some girl in Cory's trailer and took off walking and someone hit him as he was walking down the side of the road. They didnt even stop. Cory found him because he figured the boy was just walking off a little steam and when he didnt come back in about 10 minutes Cory went out to find him. The boy was laying on the side of the road dead. Cory was just beside himself. I honestly thought he was going to go crazy. And Keyana was just a little thing. She kept repeating...the boy go dead in the road gamma.

    They never did solve that.
  13. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    My husband was aghast when I said that if I knew then what I know now - I wouldn't have had kids. And yes, I have two pcs. But difficult child was also a easy child when at ages 17 & 14. I am supposed to be getting PC17 ready to go away to college next year and I am faking the joy. I am filled with trepidation. I thought that sending difficult child away to school meant I was just about done raising him - instead I am starting all over with a stranger over whom I have no input or control. At least when he was two I could grab him before he ran into traffic. I thought I could breathe easier when my boys went away to college and instead it fills me with anxiety.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can relate although nobody in the family "knows" or would understand. Had I known the path I was taking I would have become a Nun. :) Of course the Nuns who taught me would never have given me a referral, lol. DDD
  15. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I can also relate, I just told hubby last night I should have stopped at one. I was told I was selfish, but the person telling me that (not hubby) has not been through what we have. My daughter knows what goes on with difficult child but I don't talk to my family about it, they have told me before that 'he put you through hell' and they don't even know ALL of what he did and still does. I am just soooooooo tired of him and the chaos and the trash he brings into my life. At first I did not want to move away from my grands, now I am so glad I am not in the same town as him! I'm kind of down and weepy today, very sad that at his age he still has nothing and lies so much!

    "But honestly I do not think I would be a parent in my next life especially if I had the knowledge I have now and a choice. This is just too hard and seeing other people witth less painful lives, can make me depressed and sometimes even jealous."
  16. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I sometimes wnder what it would have been like not to have difficult child and darn it we worked so hard to have him in our life!!! However i am so so thankful that we have our easy child daughter. She is younger and brings me lots of joy (as well as the normal, but not gfgish, snittiness that comes with being 16). I really don't know in what kind of state I would be in if difficult child was my only one!!!
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    DDD I wanted to be a nun when I was a kid...Until I was about Junior high school aged. Then it hit me again when my kids were grown and my husband was not being the husband I wanted him to be. I knew there were orders that allowed ex-married women in and did missionary work so I looked into it. I was too old to join at that point. I was disappointed because I seriously considered leaving husband and become one. It would have given me old age care.

    Back to the serious stuff though, My mom once told me that whether you have a good kid or a not so good kid, you never ever stop worrying. So far that is true for me. I do not know why so many young people give up and commit suicide. I used to think about it whenI was young living at home under my father's tyrannical rule but my religion kept me from even taking those thoughts seriousl. I wish I did know what makes kids act on those impluses nowdays. Then maybe we could do something about it.
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I don't think I would have kids in the next life either. While I love both of them, my son was a handful when younger and difficult child...well she is nothing but stress. I have often had to teach lessons at church about being thankful for your trials. I try so hard to be thankful. I try so hard to learn from the trials. When I teach these lessons, I usually find myself so close to tears and I have to be honest and tell them that I am not yet thankful-working on it. I'm affraid I am just not very greatful. Everyday is a big question mark. The stress of wondering what is going to happen, the stress when things go south, the stress of a good day but all the while wondering how long it will last or what the motivation for a good day might be (i.e. am I about to be manipulated?). I am not yet to the place where I can detatch enough to be truelly happy.
    And yes, I worry about about those dark posts and the losses our difficult children seem to have at an epidemic pace. I never had these feelings as a youngster or all these deaths of people-I just don't relate. It is just another heavy load that this lifestyle creates for them. And is a huge worry as difficult child almost did it in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) this past August.