Sometimes doing the right thing really hoovers

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Apr 28, 2011.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    So... I'm the adult volunteer for Duckie's group of six Junior Girl Scouts. We've had a meeting scheduled for tomorrow evening for well over a week. Duckie's bff and twin are part of the group, two other girls from Duckie's old troop and we have a new girl starting tomorrow. The new girl is a bit of a difficult child and her mother approached me about her daughter joining a few weeks back because she's struggling socially.

    So this is where the drama comes in: The Disney movie "Prom" opens in theaters tomorrow and Duckie's bff has decided that she really wants all her besties to go to the movie on the premier night... during the meeting. The mom (who I really do like) tried to get the girls to change it to Saturday, no dice. She asked me to re-schedule the meeting so Duckie can go. I have a feeling she doesn't want to listen to her girls if they can't see the movie Friday. I can't do this, it would be irresponsible for me to do that. So now Duckie is disappointed. :(

    Duckie said she understands that it's the right thing to do, but I hate that she's put in the middle. Ugh!
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    About time for the bridging ceremonies, isn't it? Seems late in the year to be joining, but that's off your main point. You had the meeting scheduled already. Kids and parents knew about it. It's up to those parents to either take their kids to the meeting or not. Bff's Mom is the parent, she can simply tell them No, you already committed to scouts, I won't take you to the movie on scout night.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    HZ- Truthfully, the girls missing the meeting isn't a big deal. BFF making Duckie feel bad because she has to choose is the issue. Duckie's making the right choice and even told me not to feel bad, but I do. I just spoke to BFF's mom and told her the meeting wouldn't be rescheduled and she apologized and knows she made a bad decision when both her girls kept at her. She also said she'd speak with bff to make sure she knows not to turn this into a "thing" with Duckie. I've put out a few calls to the parents of other friends of Duckie's to see if they can go to see the movie on Saturday.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Take Duckie's advice - it shows you raised her to make the correct choices!
  5. As a parent and a Girl Scout troop leader, I can say I really hate this sort of thing. There's a planned meeting. Stick with it. I planned my day to be available for a planned meeting so why reschedule everything on some girl's whim? It may seem a leap to some people, but I think bailing out of a planned meeting because something "better" came along is very similar to when these girls are in high school and college and they bail out on a (girl) friend because some random boys ask them out. After all, it's OK to blow off your friends when something "better" comes along, right? Duckie knows what's right -- don't torment yourself trying to make everyone happy!
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I really am proud of her: she told me before bed that she usually benefits from me being the one that runs the meeting and so she has to be responsible and a good Girl Scout because it wouldn't be fair to the other girls. My heart aches a little, though, at the thought that she may be given a hard time and lose a little social standing over this at school. It's good that she has a few good friends that aren't in this "popular girl" clique. I haven't heard back from one friend, but the other will be going.

    Girl drama hoovers.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks, Running. I feel the same way you do... we don't change up because something better came along. Duckie is also keenly aware that the new girl may have felt unwelcome if we canceled. She intuitively understands that this girl is different from the others (as is Duckie) so she won't throw her under the bus. I'm glad she's developed empathy.
  8. P.S. Being in the "popular girl" clique isn't so good, anyway. Very stressful, as you become less and less true to yourself as time passes. And here's how it starts! I'm not sure how quickly some of these girls find themselves again. Hang in there. And yeah, you just don't know how the poor new girl would have taken it.

    by the way, we just picked up a new girl in our troop. They join at odd times once in a while.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm not big on cliques either, Duckie has just found herself in one with bff, twin and a few other girls she's known for awhile. We've been talking a whole lot about cliques and popularity and status lately. BFF is very trendy and very critical of others that aren't fashion conscious. She also got angry with Duckie when she gave some books to a girl in their class that struggles socially. And tried to dictate the guest list to Duckie's end of the school year pool party. This 9 year old is in social hyper-mode. I do hope her parents (who are both very nice people) can get ahead of this because BFF hasn't always been like this. There's a nice kid in there somewhere masked by a teenager wannabe. :(
  10. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    Good for you and Duckie. I'm so weary of parents who just can't say "no" their children. These moms and dads want to be their kids' bff -- ugh. Doing what's right is so much more important than temporary social standing.

  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    So here's the latest, lol! :rofl:

    Duckie has invited two girls from her class and another from Girl Scouts to go see the movie tomorrow night (Saturday). I told Duckie NOT to invite anyone from BFF's guest list for tonight because stealing attendees is bad form. So... BFF hears that Duckie is going with OTHER friends and is thinking maybe she will change to going on Saturday. I'm not sure if it's because she decided it was the right thing to do or if she is being possessive of Duckie or if she'll actually come to the Girl Scout meeting tonight. But I did see our new girl at the school today and she was just beaming with excitement about tonight. Good thing I always plan for enough supplies to be on hand. :hammer:
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Well it sounds like things worked out well. I'll be interested to see if BFF comes to the meeting. your Duckie is a reall great kid TM. You have done a great job! -RM
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Good work Duckie! Can't wait to hear how it all went.
  14. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh it is so the right thing. This is one of those situations I put on the 10-10-10. In 10 minutes, how will I (0r difficult child, depending) feel about this decision? 10 months? 10 years? 10 minutes after the decision is handed down, Duckie may be disappointed, 10 months, she'll forget completely, 10 years - she'll remember a life lesson about keeping your word and about doing what's right. In 10 months, not one of those girls will give a whit about seeing "Prom" on Friday instead of Saturday. Don't remember where I read about the 10-10-10, but I keep three 10's taped to the desk above my computer and have made many decisions, big and small, on this scale.

  15. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Duckie sure is growing up to be a fine young lady !!!! Any kid would be disappointed but she seems to be handling it well.