I started a new webpage. Not sure yet what I'm going to do with it. Maybe just save some of the words of wisdom that I receive here, I hope no one would have a problem with that?
The first thing I want to save there are the words I received today from MidwestMom:
Your daughter wants to hurt you and her dad because she can't help it...she is personality disordered. They don't think like "normal" people. We need to keep a distance from people like that to protect ourselves.
You treat yourself with love. I always, from experience, warn people who have younger disturbed kiddos to guard their hearts and don't ride too high when things may look better. Take a longterm view of things. People don't change overnight. Some don't ever change or think that they SHOULD change. But WE can change the way we look at life and others if we remember that we can only control our own behavior. Our own morals and feelings do not necessarily extend to others, including our adult children, especially if they are not walking the right pathway. We can't change their thinking, but we can prevent them from hurting us. We can go low contact. We can take ANYTHING they say with a grain of salt We can learn to accept their words without giving them meaning. We can hear them talking and let our own voice inside our head tell us "Remember...actions speak louder than words." We can just learn who to trust and whom not to trust. We can learn radical acceptance.
"My daughter does not share my morals and values. I accept that she will do things I consider unthinkable. Why can I accept it? Because I can't change it. I don't have to like it, but I can accept that she will not have the same thought processes I do and I can move on, secure in my own skin."
As hard as it is to accept, our adult children are not us. They are not even extensions of us. They are separate human beings and at times they are dangerous to us. As another example of how life is not as valued, there is an epidemic of adult children disowning their parents. I had to face this myself when it happened to me. I'm a researcher. It is a fact that our grown kids are dumping us in spades and often for reasons we don't even understand.
The world is what it is.
I find peace in radical acceptance. I hope you can find something that helps you find peace.