Son in new place with the programs in compulsive behavior

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL waiting for the other half of this.....

  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Uh oh?
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Sorry about that... I had some crazy problem and could not write the post... which is why you got the icons. It was weird.... anyway now I can finish..... So my difficult child went to the new place with the programs in compulsive behavior. We didn't hear a whole lot from him after that first night when we heard most of the other patients were women "my age". I had not heard anything from the place which I found curious as I thought they would want some kind of history...but hey he is an adult and I am going to leave it be!! Last night he called and we had a nice conversation. It was my birthday which he had forgotten, but it was really nice to talk to him anyways. Anyway he sounded good, maybe as good as I have heard in a long time. He was finding the program helpful and sounded good. But I have been burned so many times I am not getting my hopes up for anything.

    Today he called me and he has been moved to their regular psychiatric unit!! Apparently he had a melt down last night over something.... and I think he quickly knew it would mean trouble and told them he did not want to be discharged. They said they weren't but they were moving him to the psychiatric unit. He doesnt feel like he knows what is happening or is going to happen. So he told me he would sign a release and could I talk to them? Ah light bulb, he has not signed a release which is why they have not gotten in touch with me. So I left the therapist a message and we will see. I did say to him, ok learn from this, find out why you do this, because this is a pattern. He agreed. So in some ways i feel good... because he is still there, I think he does want help with his problems, but I think he is stillt rying to do it HIS way which does not work for him. But maybe he will figure this out.

    However there is a part of me that is kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop because we all know from experience that his story is not the whole story, and his behavior was probably worse than swearing and slamming a door!!! on the other hand it is good that they are seeing this behavior because then maybe just maybe they can help him.

    So I am a bit on edge but am also relieved he is in a place that might help him. This journey is just not an easy one.

    OH and I may not have mentioned that he is working on his memories and sent us them to fax back to him....that was cool (and hard) to read but i do think he is looking inward and that is all good.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry he acted out but better that they see it and can deal with it. Does sound as if they are getting to some of his issues and that's bound to stir up some uneasiness and we know how our difficult child's deal with uneasy feelings. I think the fact that he sent you his memories is a good thing, but I'm sure it was difficult to read.

    All-in-all TL not a bad report. I do know the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, have felt that so many times myself. The longer he is in this treatment center the better chance he has at figuring some of these things out for himself and doing things differently.

    Keeping fingers crossed that he continues to progress and that the movement to the other unit turns out to be a good thing.

  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well the other shoe is hanging by a thread!! I talked to the therapist and he really did act out this weekend. So now he is on a general psychiatric unit and they do not do the trauma work or the compulsive behavior work and it is not the right place for him.... and the therapist really felt last week that they were having some breakthroughs and he was really making progress. BUT once they move someone off the trauma unit they usually do not take them back!! So he is on the verge of a breakthrough and it might not work... I feel sick. They may end up referring him to yet another treatment place!! difficult child asked is going to talk to the doctor tomorrow to see if they will somehow take him back. I am just praying that they will.... so please send vibes our way. I just want him to get help

  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Praying hard TL, they need to take him back.

  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I am saying extra prayers for your difficult child, TL. They just HAVE to take him back so he can get the help that he really needs. HUGS...
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    TL, I'm hoping this change will be both positive and short-term. My difficult child spent his irst weekend in rehab in the psy ward. Although you hate to see it come to this, at least you know he is safe.
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you TL and hoping your son will get the help he needs.

  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe he should just spend his entire time in a psychiatric unit. That might be a better fit for him. He keeps sabotaging himself with psychiatric issues. I can sorta see why a plain rehab unit would be leery of taking back a patient who they know is not mentally stable. psychiatric's do talk about substance abuse.
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    The unit he was on was not a substance abuse unit, it was a unit that specializes in trauma and compulsive behavior which is exactly what he needs. He was starting DBT there. The regular unit doesn't do any of that!! I am convinced at this point that he is now sober (for now since he has been in treatment) and what he needs is something that focuses on trauma and psychiatric issues but also has help for substance abuse. I think his primary issue is the psychiatric issues and the substance abuse is his bad method of coping.

    I am totally frustrated becuase it looks like they will discharge him. WTH..... he is in a psychiatric unit for psychiatric problems, it seems crazy to me to discharge a patient because they are displaying psychiatric problems. Anyway they have referred us to another program even further away, all the way across the country..... and I looked at it and it just worries me. I think it is time to bring him closer to home... not at home... but closer... but finding reasonable programs with DBT and dealing with trauma for men is not all that easy. He is at a point where he really wants help for the psychiatric issues...

    More as it happens.

  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It makes no sense that they discharge a patient for exhibiting the very behaviors that put them there. This makes me so angry. Do they only want the easy ones? The ones that make them look good? Where do people go who need help if not there?

    I'm sorry TL, this has to be incredibly difficult for you. It may be time to bring him closer to home. I know you will search out every possible program but I'm sending understand hugs.

  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks. I have been thinking a lot about this..... and the therapist is going to call two programs tomorrow I have found. One has the advantage that it is about 3 hours away from us (and my very good friend lives there) and so it would be easy for us to go and see him and I think would be good fro him to know he was closer. The other program may have programs that better fit his needs... so it may be a trade off.

    I think one of the issues in finding programs that deal with trauma is that a lot of them are really set up for women....and difficult child was one of only a couple of men at that program. And I think that men and women often exhibit symptoms differently... so difficult child acted out in a way that was more aggressive and more scary than a woman in the same situation. That is my guess anyway.....but yeah the whole thing makes me pretty mad.... and worries me too.


  15. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thinking of you ... Hoping this is some sort of "twist of fate" to get him to exactly the right place.

    I am continually amazed by your grace under pressure.
  16. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    TL: I am sending you prayers and good wishes that you are able to find a place closer to home that will offer your difficult child the help that he needs. (((Many Hugs to you...)))
  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Not so much grace...i just yelled at my h and was a total b*****
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Lets see... too much pressure and not enough sleep = more than anybody can handle.
    None of us ever has ENOUGH grace...

  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL....may I make a suggestion before you make any decisions. Go on Dr. Phils website and research his recommendations for such things? Even if you bring him closer home, I would also contact the show and beg for help. So far nothing is working and I would dare say nothing will until you get something very good on board. It my be that you simply cannot afford what the good doctor can afford. If you could get his backing, that would be amazing.
  20. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You hit the nail on the head. I agree that male trauma is expressed very differently from the way females generally exhibit trauma. You, difficult child and your family have been through so's a wonder you didn't throw in the towel already.
    I love Janet's idea about contacting Dr. Phil...even if you get him in another place, it's a worthwhile backup plan, and your son is a very unusual case, so they may be able to pinpoint just the right place. I'm sorry you're all hurting so much.