Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by compassion, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. compassion

    compassion Member

    difficult child 15 does seem more stable, has not run, is not using illegal substances.
    I did find out today she took two $50 gift cards that were for son's birthbrothers.
    I am subtracting this and the $115 from the credit card she took from me last week. The $215 would have paid for the new Ipod she wanted. I am still getting her stuff that supports creativity,etc.

    I told her that any thing she took this Dec. would be subtracted from her gift budget.

    Everything needs to be locked in safe. My purse was locked in car.

    Any gift cards that come from someone, need to be locked in safe.

    Any other feedback? Thanks, Compassion
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know- you know her best. My son does this when he's not stable (there are always other indicators going on at the same time). Does she do this in "phases" or is this a habit of hers? If it's a habit, I'm starting to get the feeling that she might not be trying as hard as you think she is- she might just be maintaining what she has to in order to cover up other things she's doing or while she figures out some plan of where to go from here.

    From one of your threads yesterday, it was a red flag for me to hear that you are trying to work AA steps with her instead of her working them with a sponsor from AA or NA. Basicly, it sounds like she's just going through the minimal amount of motions you'll accept right now, in spite of all your efforts. Have you gone to any alanon meetings? I think that might help you.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I like the idea of natural consequences. She takes, she loses out. So sorry that you are having to resort to locking things up, but it is a very good idea.
  4. compassion

    compassion Member

    I just talked to her and she maintains she does not have them but do not believe her. She has stolen credit cards (ours) since summer. As far as I know, nothing in Nov.
    I go to Al_anon. I work my program daily-I am active in two online groups and two face to face groups.

    She is still stabilizing . According to my BiPolar (BP) books, it can take nearly a year to get stable. It has been 31 days. It takes a long time, a lot of patience. She is doing much better but it will be a very long haul. Oh, thanks she will not be seeing the druggie friends.

    I am not her sponsor. This will take her time to find one. I let her do meetings at home sometimes also because it is a lot of time and driving on us.

    But yes, i just talked with my sponsor about this, she is not actively seeking recovery on her own. She is doing it to avoid Residential Treatment Center (RTC). From June-Nov. 17, she was running and drinking . Today she is not but I would not call her very sober but there is progress. I am trying to focus on the positives and would like support for that.

    It is very exhausting as I am sinking so much energy into health and recovery. She is still very active in addiction.

    The guidance I am getting is to support her stabilization .

    She does not seem to connect consequences,have empathy or remorse. This seems to be the grandiose delusion aspect of the BiPolar (BP). Here psychiatrist said she is one one of the most complex severe cases she has seen. I am really turning this over via 3rd and 11th steps daily.

  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Do you know what she is using the money for? Are you sure it's not for illegal substances?
  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    Big bad kitty, Yes, that is what I am doing. Thanks for the affirmation. The $215 gets subtracted from her gift budget. This is progress for me that I can follow through. I tend to feel sorry for her make excuses and at times deny and let her manipulate me but I am much better. This is first Christmas since bipolar/CD/ substance abuse diagnosis. It takes much patience. For me, I am going to my acupuncturist, my chiropractor, and my massage therapist and going to the traditional Christmas Eve service.Compassion
  7. compassion

    compassion Member

    Last week, she took her friend's family out to the Olive Garden ($115). The gift cards are Visa debit. I assume she will use it at the Mall or to get fast food or make-up. That is what she has mainly done : she buys gifts for others and lots of stuff for herself. I am closely monitoring cash - the people she is with are not using illegal substances. I am also in touch with her every few hours.
    With her, I think the main issue is stabilization of her bipolar. I think the drinking for her was largely to fit in. In the past, a majority of her buying is stuff for others. I am also trying to monitor everything that comes in here. Compassion
  8. lillians

    lillians lillians

    its a tough one,when our daughter seals she does it to gain esteem from her freinds she spends every cent in the corner store,, there have been times when she spent as much as a hundred dollars at one time on candy ,, her young friends love her at that moment ,,, then she feels it worth it to get caught,,we have asked the wee store not to sell to her ,,but they refuse,,,we are locking and hiding money food sox bras,, she helps herself to many things,,with no thought at all that she shouldnt,,so i feel for you its hard space to be in