2 Hard, I have had the fortunate experience of raising not just a difficult child, but three PCs. It is the difficult children (in my case my oldest son and my DNA collection of relatives) who behave that way and think everything that was done to them is somehow bad and your fault. My easy child kids are wonderful and generous with their praise of us and do appreciate all they've had.
It is the personality-disordered who feel everything is upside down and inside out and reality is not reality and wrong is right and the world is a game of "let's do it backwards." I am grateful and feel blessed that I do have adult children who appreciate us...I especially get that from both Sonic and Jumper. Julie's life was harder...ex and I did not give her as good a life as the youngest two had because we did not get along well. But she is understanding and kindhearted. Ex was not an involved father to her or 37. He only seemed interested in Scott.
difficult child is not that horrible this way either. He does not think his upbringing was bad. He just does very questionable interactions with his father and me, but has stopped stealing and conning, to the best of my knowledge (this could well be wrong, and I know it and accept it). It just seems he is not as afraid of the cops coming to get him as he used to be...lol.
But, yeah, all personality-disorered adults sound the same. It's your fault. I'm this way because of you. You don't love me because you don't give me enough. You never gave me enough. You did (a made up incident) and that ruined me for life (even though it never happened). You are an unfit parent. Blah, blah, blah. It's like listening to a lying machine. I can understand why some people feel more peaceful when their adult children are not in their lives, as awful as it sounds. I do not miss Scott. Hoever, I think Scott would have een a normal young adult had he been raised in a home early on rather than an orphanage. I think his problems are more attachment disorder related, but it still is not tolerable to be around him since he judges all of us except my ex to be inferior and sinful.